Everyone who has been injured, including myself, has the opportunity to look at themselves one of two ways: Disfigured or transformed. I’ve been doing a pretty good job at seeing myself as transformed. But this week I had a tough week. As Whitney left on vacation to see her boyfriend, withdrawing her constant source of validation for my wholeness and handsomeness, I started to doubt myself.
Is Aubrey, who can’t smile, who hasn’t been able to hit the gym properly, who is wounded and weak, worthy of romantic love? That messy, physical sexy kind? Or any kind for that matter? I doubted myself. I kind of despised myself. It was horrible. But a beautiful lesson was forthcoming.
You see, Whitney had lent me her unwavering love and attraction from the moment I was injured. We were literally fooling around under the hospital bed sheets the night of the accident. And that was a crutch that helped me to fully believe that my injuries were inconsequential to my appeal. But when she removed the crutch (the mirrors I had placed on her eyes and between her legs), I had to carry the weight on my own. And I faltered for a few days. But then I regained my strength. And now I am even stronger for it.
It is okay to borrow someone else’s support to bridge you to a higher level of consciousness. But borrowing and becoming dependent are too different animals. It’s just like using a pharmaceutical intervention if you can’t fall asleep. A few days of Xanax or Ambien is okay to bridge you to wellness, but can become a dangerous habit if used beyond the time necessary.
I haven’t gotten a lot of rest this past week, and certainly haven’t been the most creative, but we have an excellent podcast for you, recorded with none other than Erick Godsey. It’s called The Game of Life, and provides all of the levels, quests, allies, boss battles and secret weapons needed to succeed in the video game of existence. It’s one of my favorite podcasts ever, and I was saving it for the right moment.
Much love everyone,