The Real Heaven and Hell

It couldn’t have come at a time more hostile toward the Christian/Catholic faith. I was in college and seething like Christopher Hitchens or Bill Maher with less than subtle contempt for ‘the faith’. Why? Well for starters I had been to a dungeon in Italy that housed the horrors of the Inquisition. I knew the story of Giordano Bruno. I was dating a girl whose sexuality was crushed when her boyfriend took her virginity and called her a sinner and a whore. I had a good friend who was tortured with catholic guilt every week for making out with pretty girls at a party. I had read Nietzsche’s “AntiChrist”, Bertrand Russell’s “Why I Am Not A Christian” and I was determined to write a more devastating book than both of them combined.

But there I was... Sitting on the floor of a clay adobo and coming to the realization that one of the most important tenets of Christianity was real. There was a heaven and a hell. Of course, they got the details all wrong but after that moment my views changed a little bit. Not enough to go to church, but enough to tolerate it as a you would a weed in your neighbor’s garden--The owner would be better off without it, but mayhaps it was not my concern.

The journey to this powerful realization started with a mushroom tea brewed with care by a compassionate shaman. It was my first encounter with psilocybin, or any entheogen for that matter, and it was this experience that laid the foundation for my experiential beliefs. A decade later it is not easy to remember the exact sensations and thoughts that were going through my mind as I took my maiden voyage to the other side, but the visions and truths are still as crisp as the moment they materialized. While my mind detached from its earthly confines I had a vision of walking in a field of wheat. It was very much the scene from Gladiator, except I could feel it. Every wispy golden stalk that brushed my hand was like the ecstatic caress of God Itself--only i didn’t believe in God! Then slowly the wheat field faded, and the ‘aha’ moment came when my physical senses started to dissolve.

The sensation of my breath slowed to the point where the air circulated through me without effort from my lungs. The feeling of my back pressed against the ground melted into nothing. The echo of my heartbeat became a drum in the distance. Then all sensation ceased. Somehow this was not frightening, only liberating. I felt consciousness lift from my body and hover several feet above where the liquid meat sack I was so attached to lay. At that moment I was hit with a massive download of truth and clarity that would have me spending the next 16 hours wide-eyed in the night, feverishly putting ink to my revelations on the pages of my journal.

Most importantly was my first experiential discovery that we were comprised of at least two parts, one being a non-physical entity that I had no better word for than ‘soul’ and the other being the ‘body’. It was inescapably clear that the soul, while linked to the body for the duration of one’s life, survived the death of that body and carried with it the consciousness and memory of one’s life. But there was another phenomenon that happens when the soul leaves the body. One that lead me to understand the true nature of heaven and hell: perfect clarity.

At first, the idea of perfect clarity may not seem that revolutionary. This is because we arrogantly assume that we are all operating currently with close to perfect clarity. This delusion is precisely what allows us to stray so far from it! When I say perfect clarity what I mean is a perfect St. Peter / God type of clarity. A clarity that will tell you the right and wrong of every action you did, from the piece of trash you littered that caused 15 people to be bummed out when they went on their nature walk, to how you treated your first girlfriend during your break up.

You review these actions and deeds with a perfect fairness, and a true understanding of your motivations. Your life is on trial and you, a perfect judge, are in charge of the proceedings. Inevitably what happens for most people is probably a mix of both pride and disappointment at the way one lived. If you lived largely an honorable life, putting good into the world wherever possible, a great pride will swell in the core of your soul. You will re-live the smiles of your sons and daughters, the laughter of your friends, the gratitude of those you have helped, and the appreciation for those who mourn your loss. When you have finished looking back on the life you lived, you enter the bliss that is the freedom from earthly struggle. This is heaven.

However, if you have lived wickedly all of the rationalizations and excuses that have allowed you to do so will become completely transparent. Like a horror movie, you will be pinned with eyelids open and forced to watch every evil deed and the pain that it caused to the life around you. The feelings of intense shame and guilt would be greater than the physical pains of any fire and brimstone hell.

Imagine a man who beats his wife. In that man’s head he justifies his actions by convincing himself that she deserved the beating. Either she was lazy, or she was lusty, whatever his reasoning may be, it allows him to hide from the truth of his deeds. When the soul leaves the body the lens he carefully built to sustain his actions gets yanked away and he sees himself for the monster that he is. He sees his knuckles smashing into the soft flesh of a scared girl that wants desperately to love him... A girl that he swore to protect. A girl that opened her womb to him, trusted him with her safety and her life. He sees this hurt girl and the pain--physical, emotional, and psychological that he inflicted on her throughout life. He sees that he had a chance to help her, to make her life better while enriching his own, or perhaps just to leave her be, and he could not do it. He failed. And there is no way to change it. All he can do is mourn, and cry, and wish that he could put himself in her place. He wants to smash his own head against a wall, to pull his hair, to take his own life perhaps. But he can’t... All he can do is recall what he did as he cries a million tears that never fall on his cheek. This is hell.

But unlike the Bible’s hell, there is forgiveness. Likely it comes when your own torment equals the pain you caused, and you open yourself to forgiveness or offer yourself to the possibility of a redemptive re-incarnation. Also notably differing from the Biblical hell, are the sinners tormented by healthy sex drives. When your soul leaves your body, you are not gonna be concerned about that time you hooked up with that sorority girl in her dorm room, or busted out your fleshlight. It is absolute fairness, based on a perfect morality, and humans are sexual beings.

What makes life interesting is free will, which is truly made possible only by forfeiting the perfect clarity of death, while in life. When we are incarnated we ‘forget’ the truth of the existence beyond, and that gives us a clean slate from which to operate. If we did not forget, we would be restricted by a built in set of morality. Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing? But for whatever reason that is the way it goes. There are a lot of traditions that talk about Karma, but that is not anything that I have clarity on from any of my journeys. All I have learned is that we do re-incarnate and that we forget every time that we do. I hope that in my future explorations I will learn more about this process.

But don’t leave it up to me to figure out and tell you. Go seek it yourself! That is the difference between experiential based spirituality and faith based spirituality. Everything I am telling you here, you can go and verify. It may not be easy, but it can be done. I am not special in any way-- Just blessed with an opportunity, the right connections, and the means to explore the realms beyond. So don’t take my word for it. Find a shaman, or forge your own way and discover it for yourself. That way when you pass from this life, you’ll be ready for what comes next.

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  • Wow. I live in India and reading this really makes me want to go to Kodaikanal and find some psilocybin mushrooms right now. Going to book my tickets tomorrow. Thanks for this.

    I anyone’s interested, I have did short photoblogpost on Kodaikanal (land of the magic mushrooms) here –

  • I am really inspired by you Aubrey! your perception and outlook on life is awesome, i have REAL respect for the knowledge you drop on us in your blogs and pod casts. In one of your next blogs, it would be interesting to hear about how you started this journey.. maybe like some sort of mini- autobiography of some sort, it would be awesome to read for a young college kid like myself..(just a suggestion) but anyways..awesome blog!!! 

  • Interesting thoughts. With myself rejecting conventional religion I never really give the phenomenon of heaven and hell much thought as I always associated it with closed-minded religion and crazy preachers on the street yelling down people’s ears why they are going to hell. It turns out I was more ignorant than I thought (which is what I was trying to avert) by making that association. I’m not saying I agree with your interpretation of heaven and hell, as like you said, i’ll have to go figure that for myself. But it certainly does seem to make a lot more sense taking everything into account.

  • Hey Aubrey!
    I had a pretty similar experience when i had my first mushroom trip, I didn’t really know to expect when i did it but it definitely changed me from the person I was to the person I am. Similarly I looked back on all the things i have done wrong and right I was put into every single perspective for every situation I looked backed on. Most importantly it changed how I am as a father. I’m young and had my child young with a young girlfriend, unfortunately things didn’t work out, when I’d have my son on my time I’d often ignore him and scold him when he was bothering me. When i was deep in the trip everything I did that i consider wrong now hit me like a brick wall, I thought i was going to die while on my journey so I was just bombarded with how terrible I was to my son, it literally ate me alive the whole time. Although I ate the mushrooms expecting a night of fun and Sillyness I had a night of pure revelations and it changed who I was forever. This clarity you speak of I understand what you mean for I served my own time in hell. Needless to say i have turned my life around, getting my matters under control and more importantly loving my son, everyone around me and every bit of this existence. Imagine, if i had this kind of experience to change my thoughts and redeem myself, what kind of positive effects this could have on the rest of society had they know how to utilize and understand this fungus a bit better.
    How is something so advantageous so illegal and demonized? Look what good it has done, not only for people like me but for anyone who has had a deep meaningful trip. You learn everything about yourself.

    Also loved hearing you on Rogans podcast
    much love.

    john s
  • I hope to delve more deeply into experience based spirituality this summer. Up until now I’ve only done mushrooms twice, and only for recreation. I was afraid to take higher doses up until recently, but now I feel its something I must do. Great post. Keep it up Aubrey!

  • I wish I had a concrete answer for you… Anything I said from here would just be speculation. I don’t know how the reincarnation process works. I don’t know if lives with extra challenges are chosen due to atonement, but I have no doubts that whatever system is in the afterlife is a system that is fair. This is a topic I will be seeking to explore more and more as time goes on, and I’ll be sure to write about it!

  • Great work ! 

    Sergio Hernandez
  • Aubrey,  i know u said that u dont have much clarity about karma but what do u think about the traditional buddhist belief that we pay for our wrong doings of past lives in our current lives? It would certainly make life seem fair if this were this case, and its a scary thought thinking that life’s as unfair as it seems because it makes me think, well if life on earth is this unfair then what about afterlife? Could afterlife be as unfair? Part of me thinks we are born into who we are for a reason and that maybe if im good in this life i will be rewarded in the next life, although i am afraid this is just wishful thinking. Im sure you dont have any simple answers for me, just interested in any thoughts you might have on what im getting at. Was that retarted kid really a jackass in his previous life?

  • Thats what I thought when it happened!

  • Thanks brother!

  • If only everybodys shell of life could be as expanded as yours, today’s world would be much fairer to all.  Thanks for your insights Warrior Poet, I will continue with effort to expand your websites popularity. 

  • Epic.

  • thanks man, get on JRE soon!

  • have you ever seen a documentary called
    “the Boy Who Lived Before”
    if you haven’t, watch it in parts on YouTube

  • This is really inspiring aubrey, reading this and your stories about your Ayahuasca experiences has made me want to face my own weaknesses as scared as i am to do it lol but i feel it is something to be done. This was very well explained and written, i can almost picture everything you talk about when many of us human beings are so clouded in our minds we dont realize what were doing but when observed outside of our body with a clear mind we see the bigger picture clearer than ever. Thank you for putting your spiritual journeys and knowledge out there for us to read.
    -Chris B

    Chris brault
  • One of the best things about the college life was probably that the Franklin Marshall Clothes you wore were the most comfortable items you’ve ever owned.Even better, you were still stylish even if you didn’t know Tod’s Men’s Shoes
    ! There is a certain magic about Tiger Shoes that always looks classic and in style, even if you just pulled it on to make it to your early morning class.

    Shirley Pan
  • Its easy to get lost, but once you have seen the way you will always find your way back. I have been wandering in some weird forests for a few weeks now, but I know I will find my way back, and soon, simply because i remember the way. Glad my words made an impact, thanks for your support

  • I had a similar experience with Ayahuasca. My guide had explained to us that what we were seeing were manifestations created by us, so if we were to see something which scared us all we needed to do to change it was look at it with love. During one of my journeys I found myself in some dark, dank basement and I remember thinking to myself that I had enough love to light this place up and I opened my heart and was transported to the most amazing place. There was no signage along the way to verify where I was, but I KNEW that it was heaven. That kind of knowing you get from deep somewhere within. There were the most spectacular colours and a feeling of safety and security which is impossible to feel as a mortal.
    I’m so glad I found your blog. You’ve just taken me back to all of that at a time when I really need it. I’ve managed to get lost somewhere along the way since then…

  • Aubrey, you should check out more NDE (near death experience) material. It’s aligns exactly what you describe from an advanced NDE. Check out Mellon Thomas Benedict’s story and Nanci Danison’s story on YouTube.

  • Yeah!


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