Blue Lotus Oil | The Land of the Lotus Eater

By Aubrey Marcus February 14, 2017

Substance: Blue Lotus Oil

Acquired: I am Shaman shop

Dosage: 1/3 vial in a cup of peppermint tea.

March 20, 2010 After having been well acquainted with the positive effects of the Lotus / Kava tincture, I had for quite some time been peacefully looking forward to sampling a bit of the prized vial of Blue Lotus Oil. It takes 1 ton of lotus petals to create one kilo of the liquid, making it second in worth only to Cleopatra’s vagina oil.

It was about 11:30 pm and after a fairly listless day made better by sentimental reminiscing over some old photo albums, I decided to sample the lotus. I steeped a cup of Egyptian Licorice Mint Yogi Tea, removed the bag and set the cup on my desk. I retrieved the vial of lotus oil and opened the stopper, bringing it to my nose, sniffing like a pervert in a Laundromat. Surely it was just my mind, but a sense of blissful calm flooded over me from the exotic poppied scent. I thought about the story from the Odyssey, the land of the lotus eaters, and hoped that I too would be an initiate of this legendary flower. I tipped the vial over gently to release the sweet unguent into my yearning cup of hot tea… And, nothing. The damn liquid was too viscous to leave the end of the vial. I tipped it completely over. Not a drop escaped. I gave it a little shake… The liquid bulged for a moment and then sucked back into the converted perfume sample tube. This wasn’t working at all. I weighed my options, relying on years of experience with ketchup bottles as a reference. I could either get some object like a toothpick and release the surface tension that way, but risk losing $5-$8 of the oil as it traveled down the wood and onto my fingers…OR I could give it a savage dash and hope for the best. I chose the latter. BAM. Lotus splashdown… I had no idea how much went into the cup until I held the vial up again. It looked like I put about 1/3 of the oil into the cup. Not exact science like I had hoped, but close enough. The lotus made little oil-spill pools on the top of the hot, minty licorice brew and as I raised it to my lips I once again was taken by how pleasant the smell was. With the first sip, the taste rivaled my olfactory delight.

T-2 minutes: A broad smile crept across my face as I felt a warm relaxation flood through me. I muttered out loud “This is nice..”, apparently so any tea-party ghosts would know how I felt. I stopped messing around on the computer and focused my whole intent on savoring the last of the tea.

T-5 minutes: Very relaxed now. The aching sense of nostalgia and youth-lost that had idled in my stomach after perusing the photo albums was released in a sea of blue calm. I didn’t mind the former feeling of nostalgia, but I also wasn’t upset to see it go. It was just the way of the thing, and that was fine with me.

T-5 to -90 minutes: The next hour and a half were very enjoyable. At a calm and relaxed pace I chatted with some friends, took a hot bath, carefully cleaned my teeth. I engaged in a text discussion with close friend Montana who had just seen Avatar for the first time. After spending the last hour mostly unconcerned with the cares of the world, I was happy to find out my emotional spectrum was still available as I recounted the deeds and meaning of that movie. I found my mind to be extremely lucid, as if the channels of my brain instead of being warm and foggy as they get with pharmaceutical opiates, were open and clear. In this lucid state I came to a new synthesis of understanding regarding what comprises a truly balanced society (I understood that finding the median of a society was far more important than the mean, but this is a topic for a future blog!) I happily texted my love to my girlfriend, set my phone down and like a cat in a warm blanket, drifted into a peaceful sleep within minutes of hitting the pillow (usually it takes 10-15 minutes).

T- Next Morning: I had a great sleep and a kick ass dream. I dreamt I was a vampire playing basketball at dusk in a park (yes I am aware of the Twilight similarities, but I never saw that movie.. except for a few minutes or 40) I could float and was dunking the fuck out of the ball. My best play was when some Delbert pulled up for a three pointer from the top of the key and I floated from under the rim and Dikembe Mutombo’d his ass into the back court, chased the ball down and two hand Shaq slammed it at the other end. There were other vampires but clearly they couldn’t hang with my skeelz. In addition to my tween fantasy dream, I felt great the next morning. I was rested and refreshed… had two excellent workouts and a great Sunday. So without further ado, my name is Chris Marcus, and I am a lotus eater.

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