Lessons from Inside Open Relationship with Whitney Miller | AMP #178
My fiance, Whitney Miller, and I have been in an open relationship for the last 5 years. But it didn’t start that way. Whitney is a different woman than when I met her, and she is engaged to a very different man. We owe a lot of that to our open relationship journey. This episode is a special one, taking place after the first time Whitney has experienced stable love with someone else. But, contrary to the popular expectation, she loves me just as much as ever before. We start from the beginning of our love story, with honest recounts of jealousy and challenge, and the inevitable discoveries we have made about agreements, communication, and love itself. Open relationship isn’t for everyone, and we certainly aren’t open relationship ‘advocates’ but most of the lessons are universally applicable and can help strengthen whatever relationship you choose.
I have lived a life of exploring the tensions of dogma and societal constructs for behavior and after trying to fit in the expected or “normal” process, I learned I wanted to find out what what true for me based on my personal awareness. The Bible also says to know yourself is to know GOD.
So for me, one of the catalysts being when my father’s welcomed me into puberty with a statement that “wive’s were nothing but glorified whores” that caused me to pause in horror that he viewed my mother that way and 2nd made me ask the questions:
What is a wife?
What is a whore?
What is a mother or daughter.
That combined with processes where i was sexually initiated early by two older boys who forever took my potential to ever be a virgin to just one man created a dynamic and platform for awakening on a multitude of levels.
I am now 54 married and in a relationship with someone else who has the same desire to explore consciously the way I do. Though my husband doesn’t perfer it, he new when he became interested in me that I was never going to be a one woman man and that every time I tried to be I lost myself and got twisted in ways that cut me off from my sense of self and who I am. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like exclusivity but what I have discovered is No one person can be everything to anyone person.
It hasn’t been easy. It’s a courageous process that really helps me and those I’m involved with become aware of power drives and control issues and the difference between absolute service to one another and the attempt to control or manipulate to feel secure in this world or important or significant or ….
I believer every single person is a reflection of what we are learning about ourselves in the moment we enter each other’s lives.
That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in the container of a committed relationship.
I feel everyone longs for that one connection that brings us into the experience of divine blissful love and to know what it feels when someone would truly die for you or you for the other.
Unfortunately, so many people never really explore the ranges and depths of relationship and end up just waiting for the other person to die or actually plotting and caring out their murders to get out of the relationship.
And ultimately we all end up face to face with ourselves, alone, one with GOD/GODDESS. I personally want to know who I am in that reflection. “I am that I AM.” And every person is a reflection of that light. I once heard a quote "each one of us is an aspect of God experiencing HIM/HER self through each other. Life is a divine dance of the sacred mystery. And I love to DANCE
As the Bible says “Fornicators and Adulterers, God will judge.”
I love this. love isn’t ownership. The vibration of loving someone so much to let them explore the full corners of their own existence is beautiful. Thank you for your honesty , both of you. 💛
Thanks guys!! Ya I’ve been in open polygamous style relationships since I was a teen so I can def relate to the notion that sometimes an act outside of an existing relationship can really remindle your awerness of adoration for the existing romance.
This is great and all but what about the other individuals who choose to engage in the open relationship with you – what do they get out of it? Are they in other relationships of their own? Two years is a long time to be a side-piece. I’d like to hear their perspectives because ultimately this is about ALL of you and not just Marcus and Whitney’s needs.