Traversing The Cosmic Void w/ Blu | AMP #362

By Aubrey Marcus May 18, 2022

Traversing The Cosmic Void w/ Blu | AMP #362
One of these ceremonial initiations is completely life changing. Together they are world changing. Today’s episode is with the powerful medicine woman, Blu, who stacked a 4 day darkness retreat back-to-back with an ayahuasca retreat. This episode is a full disclosure trip report, detailing Blu’s time in the boundless void of darkness and then our recent ayahuasca sit with El Dragon. The lessons, wisdom, and magic runs deep in this one, leaving no stone unturned. If you want aliens, insectoid beings and discarnate entities, well we got them for you. From undeniable experiential gnosis of the liminal, to the importance of integration, this episode shines a light on what is possible when intentionally entering these ancient rituals.
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BLU: And all of a sudden, it felt like my matrix cord got unplugged. And I was like... All of a sudden, I had no body. There was no beginning or end to my physical experience. I was floating in the vast infinite void. And there was no observer to witness the mind. Even when I'm meditating, there's an observer, watching the thoughts, breathing through it, being mindful of my breath. There was no breath, there was no thoughts. It was just the infinite essence of the void and how gloriously alive nothing can be.

AUBREY: My medicine sister, Blu is one of the most powerful, badass medicine women I've ever known in my entire life. So when she told me she was going to do a darkness retreat, very much like I had done, I said, "Blu, you're just going to breeze right through it. You're going to be swimming in the darkness, doing backstrokes, spouting little bits of darkness out in the air, like you're just relaxing. That was foolish. The darkness is an intense, challenging, trying experience, even for someone who’s journeyed to cross the veil as many times as Blue. Here on this podcast, she shares her story, followed by my story of a recent trip to see El Dragon De La Selva, my ayahuasca shaman, which had powerful journeys with all kinds of insights and downloads, and also some very interesting interactions that potentially have cosmic significance. I can't wait to share this dual storytelling experience with Blu and myself. Enjoy the show. Before we get started, I want to talk to you guys one more time about ARKADIA, the festival that we're throwing in Alpine, Wyoming, July 14th through 17th. Blu is going to be a speaker there, Matias De Stefano, Charles Eisenstein, Zach Bush, are all going to have their presence there along with some of the top musicians. But really, the purpose of this is to anchor a more beautiful world. To me, this is that moment from "Matrix 3", where everybody celebrates in Zion as the machine insect beings are coming in and burrowing their way down, and they make a stand. And they make a stand not in conflict there but in celebration of what it means to be alive, what it means to be sovereign, what it means to love and to come together in a singular voice of rapture, celebrating individuality, all creating that symphony. This is what we're doing in ARKADIA, and we're going to have an amazing time and really anchor something that's important. And that we stand for a more beautiful world, a world of choice, a world of love, a world of freedom and I hope to see you there. Those who are there with us in ARKADIA, it's going to be something you'll never forget. I really honestly believe that. So if you're curious to check it out, go to with a K. Once again, with a K. And once again, we have a membership model for Fit For Service, so you'll be applying for tickets. But once you get accepted and attend the event, you're a member for life and you'll get all kinds of opportunities to talk to me on a monthly basis, access to the app, and you'll see all of that information on the website, which is actually currently under evolution. So if you go there, and it's not all quite there yet, just give it a moment and you'll see all of that information laid out crystal clear. The truth is, is that we're all the master, we're all the healer, we're all the mystic.

MAN: Give it up one time for Aubrey Marcus

AUBREY: My sister, Blu, here we are.

BLU: Back at it again.

AUBREY: Back at it again with similar circumstances, being that we just got back from El Dragon once again. Return to the Dragon, another ride. It was fucking epic. Crazy, wild, powerful, deep. It was coming on the back of another journey that we both have an affinity and deep respect for, the darkness, the darkness. You stacked them, you stacked the big ones right next to each other, right next to each other. Four days in the darkness, couple of days off, off to ayahuasca. Although for you, ayahuasca is a little different than most people. It's a much more pleasant ride than I think a lot of the people who were there in the maloca with us and sitting in this room, adding their collective energy… But the darkness was a different thing. The darkness is a challenge.

BLU: I had so much respect rippling through my body when I was in the darkness for you and for those that have been in the darkness before. You don't know what you don't know, until you know. Just reflecting on you being in there for six days and being my brother that has led the way, pulled me through some of the most challenging moments of my life.

AUBREY: So for those people who don't know, the darkness is not just kind of dark. It's not like when the lights are off in your room, which actually isn't dark at all compared to the darkness. The darkness is pitch black, absolute black, absolute silence and isolation. And it's just you in the black void of your room, which actually can be a little bit hazardous. That's a similarity to both of our stories. We both got a few wounds in the darkness. But you really feel like you're in the void. And people compare it to, man, it's like solitary confinement like. No, no, no. There, you have a little bit of light that shows you're in a fucking jail. In the darkness, you're in the boundless void that, occasionally, you bump up into hard things, or soft things. But it's a different thing. It's a wildly different thing. It's like you're in this alternate universe, where it's just you and your mind and your body.

BLU: It's the realm of the projection of the mind. So whatever is going on internally is the space in which you are in. It's also simultaneously nothing, absolutely nothing, for what feels like months. One day feels equivalent to a week. One hour feels like equivalent to a day in that space.

AUBREY: You were in a different setup than me. How did they deliver the food? For me, they delivered it in a blacked-out hallway outside of my room, and then they rang a little doorbell and then they had double doors so that there was going to be no light accidents, because I wouldn't go in the hallway until they rang the bell. I'd give them a few minutes to clear the hallway and then I would go get my food. How did that work for you? You descended down a little ladder, right or stairs?

BLU: So it's like tiny little hobbit homes in the middle of the forest in Oregon. They're specifically built for the darkness retreats. Super cute little doll with boulders. Once you go through the door, you go down these steps. There's a room before the room. That room is where the fire is, where they stoke the fire and then there's a box on the wall. The box is double-sided. You open the box from the outside, you place the food in. You can open and then they close it, and then you open the box from the inside once the other side is closed to then get the food so it inhibits the light leaks.

AUBREY: So you're a proper English lass. Would they call it a dumbwaiter?

BLU: Yes, exactly. Yeah.

AUBREY: I don't know if that's English, actually. Maybe a dumbwaiter is an American thing but it feels posh.

BLU: Pretty sure it's English, but I'm not 100%. Please don't quote me on that. I've been in America for eight years. I'm pretty much an American at this point.

AUBREY: But hotels used to have this. The valet used to be able to deliver things. Some hotels still do, a little chute where you can pull things out.

BLU: It's a little chute. It's like the chute that led me to my highest excitement when I was in the darkness. When I heard that she was open, I was like ding! We've made another day.

AUBREY: For about 15 minutes, you have something to do?

BLU: Strawberry!

AUBREY: Eating.

BLU: The time when that food would come, once a day, usually in the evening, between--

AUBREY: You only got one meal.

BLU: One meal a day.

AUBREY: Oh, I got three.

BLU: Oh, you did?

AUBREY: I got three. It was all raw vegan. I had to get a lot of saliva going to make sure that I could eat it all. But nonetheless, there were three meals a day. I don't know if you remember this part, but one day, because I could write them little notes and leave it on the thing, in the dark, obviously; obviously, I have no idea what my penmanship looked like, and based on my journal; it was probably horrific; I told them that I wanted to get a smoothie in the morning. They didn't really have protein or anything but they had avocado and they had coconut oil. I was like, "Extra coconut oil, please?" on one of my notes. They gave me a shake that must have just had a whopper of coconut oil. I was like, "This is pretty coconut oily." I drank it and I just had horrendous diarrhea that entire day, an impossible amount of shitting. The problem with an impossible amount of shipping is you never really know when you're clean because you can't look at the toilet paper. You just have to guess.

BLU: You just got to keep wiping.

AUBREY: I just kept showering. I must have taken six showers. Poop and shower. Poop and shower. Poop and shower.

BLU: I didn't have a shower.

AUBREY: You didn't have a shower?

BLU: No! I had a bath, which was also a portal. [inaudible 10:12]

AUBREY: Wow, I wouldn't want to wipe off my poop in the bath. There's no fun in it.

BLU: Poop soup.

AUBREY: Poop stew.

BLU: In the dark, in the poop soup.

AUBREY: Okay, so we had a little different environments. If you're in a hobbit hole, they should have given you four meals: breakfast, lunch, supper, and dinner.

BLU: Supper.

AUBREY: That's what all hobbits do.

BLU: No, just one meal a day. However, I started to understand how to ration it. So I would eat just to the point where I was like enough to not be hungry. Then I would place my food on the table in different spaces. It would be one meal. But it would be a good amount. I would eat just enough and then place them so that I could ration it throughout the day. Whenever I started to get hungry, I'd have a few nuts or have a half an apple or something like that. That would allow me to be able to enjoy the food throughout the day, even if it was just one meal.

AUBREY: And if people are hearing sounds, our cats love podcasts. It's their time to shine. Everybody's quiet, and they know that they will get some fucking airtime.

BLU: They're getting it.


BLU: It's good. It's a good omen.

AUBREY: They get really lively during podcasts.

BLU: Perfect. That's dope.

AUBREY: Normally, they sleep all day. But for podcasts, never, never slept through a podcast, not one. All right, so you had your little plan. It's very important to stay organized there because you can lose something really clearly.

BLU: Yes. I remember an apple dropped off my table. Never saw it again, even when the light came on at the end. I was like, "Where did that apple go?" It was a mystery. For like an hour, I was like, "Where is the apple?" I looked everywhere. And when we're talking about the darkness, we even say pitch black. I didn't realize my whole life, I've never actually been in the pitch black.

AUBREY: Most people haven't.

BLU: There's usually a little leak or a charger plugged into the wall that's going blue or something like that. When I blew out that candle, because what would happen was we closed the door together... My heart was racing. He's like, "All right, I'm going to close the door. I'll see you in four days. I'll see you in four days." I'm like, "Really? Bye. Closing in slow mode. I'm like... Sitting with the candle and I'm looking at it, and I'm looking at it, I'm like, "Okay, this is the last light I'm going to see for what he said is going to feel like eternity." So I'm like... Looking at this candle. I blew it out. I said a prayer. I called it. I really treated it like a ceremony because it is really a ceremony and called in my ancestors, called in my guides, called in my angels, called in every being that I felt could be an ally with me in that space, blew out the candle. I watched the ember just disappear. It was like... That was like when I was actually in the darkness. And I'm in the middle of the forest, in the middle of nowhere. If I was to scream at the top of my lungs, no one would hear me. No one would come to me for 12 hours. He doesn't come for the next 12 hours to drop off the next meal and to stoke the fire. I was alone.

AUBREY: The fire, of course, must have been behind some kind of wall that was just giving the heat from the fire, but not the light of the fire.

BLU: Exactly, and it was like a metal panel with a gate over it so that you don't burn yourself on it.

AUBREY: Got it.

BLU: I was bumping and banging for the first 12 hours like...

AUBREY: Of course.

BLU: Bathroom's over here... No, it's not.

AUBREY: People think that you're going to immediately have this blind sense of spatial awareness like you turn into Daredevil immediately, and you can just click and find the room. No, I was lost constantly. I'd be like, "Let me go to bed." And I'd be like, "Where the fuck am I?" Not anywhere near the bed.

BLU: It's discombobulating.

AUBREY: It really is. Yeah. All right, let me ask you this question because we've talked about a lot of the powerful parts, but what did you do when you were trying to figure out how to put toothpaste on your toothbrush?

BLU: I got really self-reliant on certain things that I've never had to depend on because I've always seen it. I would hold my toothbrush and know where the bristles are, hold it in that space.

AUBREY: So you hold it really close to the head?

BLU: Yeah. I would put it on my lip, when the toothpaste was right towards the end of the tube. I knew it was right there and I knew where the bristles were because I would put my thumb on it and then I would... And I would be like, "Yeah, solid. All right, that's fair."

AUBREY: That's a good move. I just ended up squirting it in my mouth, and then just brushing, and then just brushing around.

BLU: Yeah, that makes sense. You do what you have to do. We have these animal instincts.

AUBREY: You got it. I was holding the toothbrush by the end, and I was trying to squeeze it onto the bristles. One time I missed completely, for sure and I was like, "Oh fucking great. Now I have toothpaste that I don't know"--

BLU: Somewhere.

AUBREY: Somewhere. Another time, I got it on the bristles but I squeezed so much. It was like a soft serve where I was spiraling and spiraling--

BLU: Mr. Whippy toothbrush.

AUBREY: Spiraling upward in this giant deviled egg on top of my bristles.

BLU: Seems nice, clean teeth.

AUBREY: Really minty fresh.

BLU: For you, yourself and you.

AUBREY: Exactly. So there's lots of things where you're really in an alternate universe. And all of these aspects of an alternate universe, it's almost psychedelic, just in that state, because you're in a different environment with different senses that are available because one of your key senses is gone. And we really realize how much we rely on sight.

BLU: Also, with me, I'm hard of hearing. So my hearing and my sight. And yes, of course there's nothing to necessarily hear. Simultaneously, I didn't realize how much energy I'm sending on a daily basis, on an hourly basis, on a minute basis, trying to process what is going on in my environment based on my hearing. What is she saying? What is he saying? What just happened in this situation? There's so much energy that I'm spending to try and pick up on the words to be in this situation. When I no longer have to hear and I know no one's going to walk in the room and I haven't got my eyesight, there is so much more energy available to go inwards.

AUBREY: So bring us through. What was the first day like? What was the start of this journey and bring us through the arc?

BLU: The first moment when I blew out the candle, like I said, my heart was pounding. I don't know what I don't know. I've never been in this situation before. It's almost like swimming in the ocean and not knowing what's below you. The mind can create what it is going to be like or fear or projection. At the beginning, I actually felt a lot of joy and excitement that I was in the darkness. I'm like, "Yeah, I'm finally alone." I was dancing. I had my meal and the fire had just been stoked. That was when it was like the reset. Then the next 12 hours would be the next time he comes with the meal and the fire-stoking to keep it warm. I'm sitting there, eating my meal. I'm realizing that in the darkness, it's the realm of projection of the mind. So if my mind wants to say, "Okay, let's go to the scenario where I am sitting in the future with my future children," which is a dream of mine to have children one day..." 10 minutes after blowing out the candle, I'm sitting at the table in the pitch black, eating my dinner and I'm with my children, asking them how their day was. It was playing into the infinite scenarios that's available in the darkness because it can just be the projection of the mind of whatever I want to make it to be; and recognizing that the power of manifestation is based off of the present moment, reshaping the future in the present moment. I was dancing with my kids at this table and I was eating my dinner. I was really excited about this adventure that I was about to go on, recognizing that I've accessed and tapped into so many different parts of my mind that I can play with finally, without a lot of energy leaking towards what's going on in this situation. I was really excited at the beginning and simultaneously, I went in with a lot of tools. I got breathwork, I got my mantras, I got my yoga, I had fun practicing, I can take a bath, I can sing, I can sing icaros. I was still in the doing mind like, "I'm going to crush this donkey's experience and I'm going to bring it, with all of the tools that I've got! I'm going to sit in manifestation." And then I was going to do Reiki on every part of my body and spend 15 minutes on each part of my body, pouring that lifeforce energy back into myself. Funny thing is, because of how long the darkness is, the doing mind only lasts so long. You run out of things to do and then it's all of a sudden like, "Now what?" So the first night I had a bath and I remember doing a meditation before I went into the darkness. I was shown that in the bath, I was going to receive a transmission from some higher sense of myself and just to be in the listening. I got in the bath and I had all this expectation that some profound transmission was going to come through. I sit there with my mudra and I'm like, "Okay, I'm ready for my transmission!" I'm on the earth, underground, in a body of water, in the dark, ready to go and all I got was, "Your mind is too busy. Come back tomorrow." And I was like, "That wasn't epic." The first night was really just a lot of doing, easy. I went to bed and I slept for what felt like 15 hours. Usually, I can know how long I've slept; A, because I have a ring that tells me all the sleep levels and how much time I slept; B, I can look outside and see how light it is; C I look at my cell phone and I'll tell the time. I have no external reference point of what time it is. What was being required of me was to trust my own body's knowledge and wisdom how long has passed. I could tell by how my mouth felt in the morning, how dry it was, how did it taste; so how long it's been closed for; did I need to go to the bathroom and how warm was the wall that was the fire that was behind it. Usually, it stays warm for around 12 hours. So there's different gauges that would allow me to rely on my own intelligence of the listening of my body to actually know what time it was, which I've never, in my life had to rely on, which was super primal, extremely empowering and really fascinating to be able to tune into a knowing beyond something accidental. I would gauge it. But as soon as I woke up in the morning, that was when the weight of the fact that I was in the darkness hit me; because you go from dreaming into the void again. Usually, you go from dreaming into life. I woke up and I felt this heaviness on my chest of "Oh, I'm really in this bitch. I'm really in it now." That was when it started to get confronting, the day two, after the first night. That's when I was like, "Okay, I can do my mantra." I really significantly noticed the difference of who I'd be before my practice and who I was after my practice. Before my practice, I was questioning, I was in doubt, I wasn't sure, I felt a heaviness, I felt anxiety in my chest, I felt the questioning of why did I choose to do this. After I did my mantras, I'd do like 108 mantras for four different mantras, and then I'd probably repeat those. So I would do around 1000 mantras a day. And I would sing icaros and I would do my yoga and breathwork. Breathwork was amazing there. That would bring you back into my center and it helped me soften and surrender a lot more. There were very, very, very confronting moments that eventually led to a full death. I knew that the darkness was going to be death. I went in there with a very, very clear intention that I had just separated from my partnership. My grandfather and my grandmother had passed away within weeks of each other, I'd moved out of my house and into a new home, I had got COVID; everything just hit, all within a very short period of time. I knew that I was going to go into the darkness and die in there and die this old version of myself. I hit a death that really fucked me up in the best way.

AUBREY: Tell us about it.

BLU: So after night two, I knew that I was going to get my moon, my period, while I was in there, which is also a death in itself, a bleed of what was or what could have potentially have been life. It was like a release of the body of all that's not serving. Bearing that-- AUBREY: That's something that's like, let's just take a moment and double click. For us, in our circle, we get that. The moon is the time to shed everything that you've accumulated into your energy body, which through your womb space, is a major place, particularly for the feminine where you hold a lot of energy. The moon is a shedding of that energy. But that's something that we can't take for granted is universal knowledge. Because it's certainly not taught. It's like, oh, you're having this inconvenient thing where blood is coming out of you? Here, stuff this toxic thing up there and block it because it's a nuisance, right? There's no reverence for these natural processes. It's important. That fact alone is like just be mindful that there's things happening on an energetic level that are linked to something that's happening in the physical-biological. We've severed those links in so many different ways every way around. We've created mind, spirit, body, all, made them separate but they're not. They all have a different process. That idea of the moon shedding what's been accumulated that month is a pretty important idea.

BLU: It's extremely important and I had such a big process around all the years of my life that I had been conditioned to dishonor that part of my life. And to be raised in an environment that always laughed at it, mocked it, shamed it. In England, it was even called, "She's on the blob."

AUBREY: She's on the blob?

BLU: It's like, "Charlotte's on the blob."

AUBREY: Is that because of a tampon? Is that blob?

BLU: I guess so. I don't know, I don't really understand the origin. Even just the name of the word, like, "She's on the blob." Ew. It's honoring this. It's a very, very, very sacred process. During my journey, I had a realization of the sacredness of a woman on her moon cycle. I had to mourn all the times that I did place a bleach-filled tampon up there and then threw it away and disregarded that part of my death and rebirth process that happens every single month as a woman. I've been deep into a reverence, and respect, and an understanding of what it truly means to be a woman and what it truly means to have a moon cycle, and the honoring of it, and also recognizing that, in some traditions, women aren't allowed to sit in ceremony when they're bleeding, because it's distracting for the shaman, because a woman is in her full power. It's a very, very, very powerful honoring time to go inwards, and to be in the sacred rest of the honoring of that placement of our cycle. I knew that with the context that I was going through a death, of everything that's calibrating in my life, going into the darkness, which is the void, and bleeding at the same time, I knew that there was going to be something significant that was going to be here for me. In the darkness, the dream state is more real than the actual waking state, because there's nothing in the waking state. But in the dream state, there's visions, and there's conversations and there's people and the lights are on and they're doing these different things. My dreams, as just a default, are always really, really vivid and really strong. Sometimes it's hard for me to determine whether it's actually real or it's a dream. That night, I fell asleep and I went into a very, very, very vivid dream, which I told you about, where I was actually with you and we went to this house. We were on our way somewhere, and you said, "We're going to stay at this house on our way to this place and with these people." We walked into the house, and everything about the house was off. There was plastic covered all over the furniture and there were three men there and they were really creepy. They had these bioluminescent eyes. I remember asking, "Can I pet your dog?" And they were like, "No, he's not friendly." And I was like... I remember sitting in the guest room, ready to fall asleep. Somebody was with me and said, "I don't have good vibes about this place. We need to get out of here." And I remember saying, "Well, I trust Aubrey. I feel like it'll be fine". So in my dream which felt extremely real, I didn't know that I was dreaming, I fell asleep, I woke up and I was being sexually assaulted in my dream. It was terrifying. I had so much physical pain in my stomach and I was panicking, really freaking out. Disclaimer: it's going to get a little dark for a moment. I, in self-defense, ended up finding a sharp object–

AUBREY: And just to be clear, before we get to this part, when you're saying sexual assault, it was rape, right?

BLU: Mm-hmm.

AUBREY: It was rape?

BLU: Yeah.

AUBREY: And it was correlated. So you have a dream about being raped, and you wake and your womb is in immense pain?

BLU: Immense pain.

AUBREY: So that conflation of a dream state vision, which would be an extraordinarily painful thing, both energetically and physically, and having energetic physical pain in the absolute darkness, where you can't necessarily shake from reality, I just want people to sit in this reality where you do wake up and you are awake, but you still feel--

BLU: I still have pain.

AUBREY: You still feel what has happened. Obviously, a different cause, of course, but e you feel, you're feeling something that would be correlated to that actual event happening. BLU: Yes, it is extremely confusing what's real and what's not when the pain carries through once the nightmare is over. So just to finish off what had happened, I ended up stabbing the man that was raping me in the dream. Then there was blood everywhere in the dream and I was panicking, and I was trying to collect the blood.

AUBREY: What did you stab him with?

BLU: I don't remember. It was just a sharp thing that was to my right. I just grabbed it in a panic. I remember thinking, "Oh my gosh, this is happening." And then I was like, "Wait, the lights are on. I must be dreaming." Because I know that I'm in the darkness. So I need to get out of the dream. I was doing everything I could to get out of the dream. I'm punching myself and it felt like I was stuck in it, like a sleep paralysis, stuck inside this nightmare in an "Inception" kind of moment. Eventually I ended up waking up and I instantly just realized and remembered I'm back in the darkness. Now in the past, when I've had nightmares, I've turned to my lover and I've been... Be held in the darkness, or I turned my phone on and I check the time and I reconnect or turn the light on or I find some sort of creature comfort. The darkness has no creature comfort. And I'm in excruciating pain in my womb. I stand up as if it actually happened to me. My heart is pounding, I'm discombobulated. I'm not really sure where I'm going. I stand up and then I'm bleeding and there's blood dripping out of me. I remember almost hyperventilating with panic. It really broke me on all levels of my psyche, mentally, physically, spiritually, sexually, multi-dimensionally. I just felt broken. And I went to the bathroom. I couldn't really see but I was feeling. I was like, "Okay, well, the one creature comfort I do have is the bath and to run the bath water because when I'm in hot water, I can fully relax." I'm a water sign. Water, for me, is like a rebirthing place. So I went to turn the water on and, of course, there's no hot water, the water was not working. The hot water wasn't running. So the one thing that I did have as an external comfort was not available. I just remember crawling into a ball on the floor, and weeping, crying, and in so much pain and feeling... There was this voice that came in, it was like, "It's a self-guided experience. The door isn't locked, I could just leave. I don't have to suffer like this. Just walk out of there. What are you doing? Look at you! And you paid to do this! You literally paid physical money to stay in this room and go through this. Get out of here! Just walk out!" But all my training has been: do not make a decision based on a place of reaction.

AUBREY: Or fear.

BLU: Or fear. And I knew that I was in reaction and fear. I felt like I would regret that decision. It's not about pushing through and avoiding my own intuition. It's about coming to a place of center and then making a decision. I needed to come back to my center before I made the decision whether it was time for me to leave the darkness or not. I think it was probably around five hours but it felt like an eternity. I sat there and I renegotiated my relationship with pain, and I recognized that in life, no one's going to save me. There's no one outside of me that's going to be able to get inside of my experience and save me. This is mine to do. This is mine to come back to my center and to be the shaman in my own experience and to be the medicine woman of my own experience and to be the healer of my own experience, to renegotiate my relationship with pain and use it in service for good. If I can do this for myself now, then the peace of empowerment will lock in, that this will apply to every area of my life that I'm good at. That will completely allow me to transmute this needing energy from anybody. I don't need you to be anything for me because I am for me. I am what I need for myself. Therefore, then, in the presence of others, there's a lightness that is born because it's a want not a need. I want to be around you. I want to marinate in your energy and I need nothing from you. Which is very magnetic. I remember there was a thing that I was told a while ago... I don't know how it came to me but I was shown that if all I had in this life was just my healing touch, that would be enough. That will take me everywhere I need to go. I just applied that to myself and I just called in my Reiki, I placed the Reiki symbols on my womb. I held myself like I would if my child, my little girl came up to me and was like, "Mama, I'm in pain," or "I'm hurting." How would I embrace her? I would hug her. I would hold her. I would love her. I would nurse her. I'd rock her back and forth until she felt fine again. I'd get to do that to myself. And so I did. At the end, when I actually started to find this place of empowerment again and this place of my breathing becoming deeper, my grandmother who passed, came to me and she sat with me. She said, "I've been here this whole time." She was the one that taught me Reiki as a kid. "All you have to do is ask and you don't have to do this alone." I have her ring around my necklace, which is the ring that she gave me just before she passed. She said, "Whenever you need me, just put the ring on your finger and call me in and I'll be here." I felt a wave of peace wash over my whole body. I felt like I was back. I felt like my spirit had come back in. What that dream did was it opened up a portal into all the things that I hadn't given myself permission to feel yet. I felt the depth of the separation of my partner and the merging of what was. I felt the depth of the sadness of the passing of that generation of my family lineage, my grandfather, my grandmother, meaning everyone in the family has now moved up a generation. So my mom's gone into the crone, I've gone into the archetype of the mother, and then there's the next generation that's coming through me and what that actually means. Because I was in such a low-vibrational state, that gave me access to the low-vibrational things that I hadn't given myself permission to feel through distraction. And because I got to feel it, then that space opened up. And then that was filled with a sense of I know who I am, I know why I'm here and I know why I serve. That is the empowerment that then gave birth to the next wave of the darkness initiation which was pretty next level.

AUBREY: This is semi-annual sale time. If you're listening to this podcast, fresh out of the gates, the semi-annual sale is the second biggest sale that we have other than our legendary Black Friday/Cyber Monday sale. Here's what we got, we have 25% off all supplements, 10% off all fitness equipment, 50% off all Onnit 6 programs, Doorbusters at 60% off, and a bunch of free gifts. The sale ends on Sunday, May 29th. Obviously, this is the best chance to explore the full line of Onnit products. I was really thinking recently about the different use cases that I have for the four types of Alpha BRAIN. There's the OG Alpha BRAIN in the capsules. I typically will use those when, in about 30 to 45 minutes, I need to be really razor sharp. I'll typically use that. And then there's the Alpha BRAIN Instant packets, which I always travel with because they're easier to travel with. You can put them in your pocket, you can put them in your bag. And then I'll actually drink those during the duration of a longer day, I'll put it in water. I use this to trickle in the Alpha BRAIN for a longer period of time. Then there's the ready to drink Alpha BRAIN. Just crack the top and drink that. It has a little bit of caffeine in it, so that's for that immediate pick me up and the fastest-hitting Alpha BRAIN. Like I totally forgot to take Alpha BRAIN, the podcast is about to start, my fuckin Zoom is going to turn on in two minutes? I run down, I grab one of those and I drink it. That's that use case. And then, of course, there's Alpha BRAINA Black Label. And for me, Alpha BRAIN Black Label is the Cadillac because not only does it improve my cognition and improves my mood. So this is a great chance to explore all of these different forms of Alpha BRAIN or whatever you want. There's so many things that you know, a bit separated from Onnit in the way that it used to be. I'm just so grateful that we created all of these different products and, of course, that everybody still involved in Onnit, myself included, are just holding it down for the utmost quality and user experience for everybody. And that is never going to change. And if for some reason, God forbid it did, you'll be the first to hear it from me. But it's really just a beautiful thing when I can still go to my pantry every day and go, "Wow, I'm really fucking glad that we built this thing," because I take Onnit stuff every single fucking day. That's the truth. So check it out, go to and you can take advantage of the semiannual sale, or just go to You get 10% off all the time, no matter what. Yeah, it's interesting that we'll have, as I tell the stories of my own ayahuasca journey later in this podcast, some marked similarities of how in the difficulty; because ayahuasca is very difficult for me always; in that, I too had to learn how to truly self-soothe and self-love, in a really profound way. Because in these extraordinarily challenging situations, they teach you skills and adaptations that are vital for life in general because you can't rely on anything else. Similarly, to the darkness, when you're on your mat in ayahuasca, no one's coming to help you. It's just you figuring it out and that's the beauty of it. Doing a ceremony for doing shrooms by yourself at the house and the light, you can change the music, you can have a bath, or whatever you want to do, and I do all of those things, but go outside, talk to somebody. In ayahuasca, that's one of the beautiful parts of it, you're mat-bound. You can maybe go outside if you need to, or something like that. But for the most part, you're mat-bound. It's just you got to figure your shit out. That's really important. It's important to limit your options for certain points, to then allow yourself the opportunity to really see what's inside and see what skills you need to forge to bring into your life.

BLU: It's the realm of self-validating. Sometimes we can get caught up in needing validation from everyone around us to prove our worth in this space. When we're in these situations, whether it's on your mat in an ayahuasca ceremony or in the darkness, all that's left is the stories that we've created, why we aren't worthy and then the invitation into self-validation. And that's a journey in itself. That can take a long time to get to that point. Once that starts to happen, and it creates a new default of the way that we speak to ourselves, that applies to everything in our life outside of the ayahuasca ceremony, outside of the darkness retreat. It's where true power lies. It's where the magnetism and the receptivity of the feminine essence within all of us is activated. It's not about necessarily hustling as it more is about aligning, and then receptivity to magnetize.

AUBREY: Yeah. Well, carry on with the initiation.

BLU: So singing was a huge part for me, singing icaros into space, specifically sitting with ayahuasca quite a few times, recognizing the healing power of our vibration and our song. The song would guide me through my experience. Whenever I was going through a challenging moment, I would just sing. It was so beautiful to be in such a deep place of silence and listening, that when the song comes through, it's a vibration that comes out of the throat and into every single 75 trillion cells of my body that then recalibrate my body into that essence. It really was a deepening of an understanding of music as medicine, music as healing, not music as a performance, not song as a performance. I had no one to perform. It was just for the recognition of the vibratory state that it can actually change physical form. That's why sound is one of the most powerful healing modalities that exists because it changes physical matter. I remember you called me before I went into the darkness and I asked for any last minute tips. And you said "Toning. If you feel called to tone, it's extremely powerful." So a lot of toning and singing. I had a bath. Eventually, the bath water started working again. I was sitting in the bath and I remember something huge shifted in me, where I was just sitting there, and I did a mudra. I'm laying in the bath water and, all of a sudden, it felt like my matrix cord got unplugged. I was like... And all of a sudden, I had no body, there was no beginning or end to my physical experience. I was floating in the vast, infinite void and there was no observer to witness the mind. Even when I'm meditating, there's an observer, watching the thoughts, breathing through it, being mindful of my breath. There was no breath, there were no thoughts. It was just the infinite essence of the void, and how gloriously alive nothing can be. Because there's no time in that realm, I don't know how long I was there for. It could have been 10 minutes, it could have been an hour and a half but it's pure silence. What I was shown when I was in that space is this is the realm where healing happens, this is the place where the cells cannot actually start to rejuvenate themselves and replenish themselves. This is the place where disease is transmuted out of the body in the stillness, in the silence and this is also the place where pure originality is born from, realizing that we are all constantly reflecting off of each other and recycling words or terminology or things that we have done, the way that we show up or the way that we stand and we're watching each other and are like, "I like that. I'm inspired by that," and then we access our own version of that. We're constantly recycling wisdom from each other, things that we've heard and then we bring it into things that we share. And yet, the place, specifically as an artist, that you're most original, the purest originality is born from, is in silence, pure silence. I hadn't actually experienced silence like this, ever. It's so empowering because there was nothing that I drank or took to access that. That was actually just me facing off with myself. It was so gloriously alive and so disconnected from needing to be something else, like needing the food to arrive, because that's the next thing I'm looking forward to or needing to do my mantras because that's the next thing I'm looking forward to. I wasn't trying to get anywhere. I just was in the moment. That was the turning point for me throughout my whole experience. It was actually now that the new goal became: how much deeper can I soften into the moment as opposed to how many spiritual things can I accomplish? Spiritual seeking is an addiction in itself.

AUBREY: It's doing with another intention in mind, but it's still playing the game of doing and playing the game of validating based on what you're doing. The moment that validation is a part of what you're doing, especially in the magical spiritual realms, then the magic starts to drip down the drain. You might get some of it still, but as long as you're validating yourself, and like, "Am I powerful? Look how powerful I am." "Oh, am I spiritual? Look how spiritual I am." And that makes me better. You're participating in the very game that's making you sick in the first place, that's making the world sick in the first place to a great degree. There's obviously many things that can make the world sick but this is a major part of it. When you talk to Maestro Orlando, what is the top issue that people who come to him for healing are facing? He answers very simply, saying, "Stress." And what is the stress? It's this constant desire to do more, that you're not doing enough. Fuck, I know. I'm one of those people, coming to him and coming to him this time, with stress, anxiousness. I'm not doing enough, I could do more, I want to do more. Some of that intention is truly altruistic. I want to do more because I love people. Some of it is because I want to do more, because that makes me feel like I'm good enough, like I'm not wasting all of these talents and blessings that I've had. That's been a deep struggle, because I know how blessed I am. I'm fucking impossibly blessed. It's like if I don't do something fucking magnificent every day with this amazing gift of my life, then I'm fucking up. That pressure actually prevents me from doing some of the greatest work that I can do, which always happens when I'm in touch with the magic, and I'm just doing something because I love it. I absolutely love it, I relish it. It's for its own sake. In the lineage wisdom of Solomon, they would call lishmah, for its own sake, like doing something for its own sake. So it's not a mantra or a healing practice for any other reason than for its own sake. That's what you're called to do, what you want to do. And that's having a process-oriented mindset rather than a goal--

BLU: Goal-oriented.

AUBREY: Yeah, that's it.

BLU: And that's where the true power lies, is the why behind the action itself. It's not necessarily the action. It's the vibratory state in which is being infused into the very thing, the subjective thing. And in the listening, and in the silence is when we can recalibrate and realign what the why is behind the thing. And then actually, with less effort, more impact. It exists within all of us: unworthiness and wanting to prove and be validated. This stems from a lot of our childhood. There's a deep level of reverence and compassion for that. It's also just about listening enough to be able to understand and call ourselves forward of where is this coming from and how can I create a space that allows me to reconnect to my why and then make action from that. What is a refinement process that will happen for the rest of our lives?

AUBREY: Yeah, for sure. Keep going.

BLU: So once I was in the place of being, I started to apply that to everything. I would pray a lot from that state. I recognized that my prayers were supercharged when I was really embodied in the moment, not trying to skip: "I'll do my prayers, and then I'll go do this." It was like, "I will do my prayers until I'm complete." In the darkness, because, again, it can be just a projection of whatever I want to place on the darkness, it's a blank canvas, I would visualize different people, everyone in this room pretty much, everyone I know, everybody that I love and that is close to my heart. Each person, alive or past, would come sit with me and we would say a prayer about their life and bless their future, bless their path, bless their voice, bless their action, bless their body, bless their mind, bless their spirit and really take time on each person. Whenever I was praying for somebody else, my suffering would end.

AUBREY: The great secret.

BLU: Service.

AUBREY: I've said this before but service is the best drug on the planet. But you got to take it pure. That's the thing. Otherwise, you're just doing something for somebody else. Doing something for somebody else is exhausting. Service, truly service, lishmah, for its own sake, is the most replenishing feeling. As I see it, the nature of divinity, the nature of a loving heart, which is what we all want, the actions of that nature, is to be of service. The action of divinity is service. The action of a loving, open heart, is service. That's what you do when you're in that state. So by getting in doing the actions, it actually reifies the state that we're actually going for. So it's like, "You shall know a tree by its fruits," is an old, old lineage wisdom. It's found in the Bible. You shall know a tree by its fruits. So as you are the fruits, which is the service, the tree is being established at the same time. And that's why any study on depression will show that when you go out to serve others, your depression lifts, because you're actually getting in the state where your tree is shifting by your actualization of the fruit.

BLU: It really was a gift to me, to pray for others. It was medicine for my body and my mind. It was a tool and it was also coming from a genuinely deep, deep desire to be with others and to genuinely pray for them, and pray with them and as them. I felt so much gratitude run through my body when I was able to utilize the very heightened sense of awareness that has been activated within this space to then start placing my attention, intention into the wellbeing of other people's lives, how I received equally as much. And that's what makes service for me irresistible. Because it feels so good.

AUBREY: That's important. People think: well, if you're serving somebody, but it feels good to you, it's not really service. WE have this idea of this pure altruism, where you do something but you don't like it. I'm like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" That's the backwards way. That just means you're going to exhaust yourself. Of course, of course, you should love it. Of course, it should feel good. This is the way that this love story of the cosmos is written, that when you love, you receive love. It's a bilateral pathway. The more you love, the more you're filled with love. You can't just shoot it one direction and not have it come back through the same channel. It's not built that way. So service, of course, is service to yourself. Enjoy that. Enjoy that. This is the secret of service that we've muddied and confused with this idea that it must be a labor of pain. Of course, there's a time where you do sacrifice and it is a labor of pain. Sure, I get it. There will always be those moments, but you can open yourself up to surrendering to that act, and then all of a sudden, that bilateral pathway opens back up and you're replenished and refilled. That's the key in any of these situations is yeah, it should feel good. It really should. If you're doing it right. It feels fucking great. That's when you're taking the drug of service.

BLU: It reminds me of a champagne tower, if you go to a party and you see all these champagne glasses. You want the champagne to get into every glass. You can't put the champagne in every glass by starting with the bottom glass. You fill up the champagne tower by pouring the champagne into the very top glass and it fills, fills, fills and then it bubbles over and then it goes to the next round and then to the next round, and to the next round. Eventually you have champagne in every glass and there's abundance for everybody. We are that top champagne glass and so the service is to fill oneself up so much that it doesn't make any sense not to give. It's bubbling over, there's so much joy, my heart is open, I am here, I am in love, I have learned to love this part of myself and there's so much now that it only makes sense just to give. There goes the top champagne glass and then it trickles to the next level, and to the next level to the next level. There's abundance for everybody in a sustainable fashion without having to tap into the archetype of the wounded healer, which is giving to everyone but self, which still has a hollow nature and it's not sustainable. To be in that space and to know that those prayers are genuinely being felt, and that time and space doesn't exist within that realm, it just is and utilizing that moment and being shown, hey, you can do this whenever you want. You standing in line at the TSA, waiting to go to your gate? Pray for someone. I could stand in line and be like, "Oh god, so annoying. That guy next to me stinks. Been waiting in line for an hour." Or I could be like, "Okay, this is my reality. This is what is. I'm going to use this time to go pray for my mother and whatever she's processing right now." What an amazing use of time! And realizing also, the big things in our life that are a gift, that are beautiful, that have gifted us with something really is just a byproduct of utilizing the mundane moments in a place of love.


BLU: And that's how we build a magnificent life, is to actually really bring the juice, the reverence, the respect, the service, the love, the abundance into the mundane. And that is what the darkness is. It's one giant, mundane moment, which then can be gloriously alive, depending on how deeply you soften into it. And it's not for everyone. I wouldn't recommend the darkness for everybody. And that's what I was saying at the beginning, my level of respect for what you have experienced. I heard you when we did the podcast together and you came on the podcast the very first time, when we hardly knew each other and you talked about the darkness. The seed was planted in my mind. And I had no idea, really, the depth of the initiation that you had gone through. Not until I had actually lived it and experienced it, was when I had a complete deepening of my respect for the path that you'd chosen to walk and then the stories that you choose to tell on the other side of it.

AUBREY: Tell us about the moment that you got a little banged up.

BLU: That I got banged up.

AUBREY: Yeah, a little banged up.

BLU: [inaudible 57:30] Before the banged up situation, I was in the bath. The bath for me was my portal to another realm. It was a place where my mind would stop. I was laying in the bath. Now I had been unplugged from the matrix, not that I was constantly in the stillness, but I definitely had felt the taste of what that felt like and so that was more, becoming the default of my experience. I was laying in the bath, and I did get a transmission that came through. It wasn't what I was expecting, but her name was The Lady of the Dark. She was fierce and wise and funny and loving and strong. The beautiful thing, also, that the darkness gifted me was the melting of my own individual identity of who I think that I'm supposed to be in every given moment. On the last podcast, you gave me the title of witch. I have never really necessarily resonated with certain labels, and I do resonate with that which is needed. The darkness really amplified that by saying, hey, can we take off the identity of Blu? Can we take off the identity of what you think you do or the wisdom that you think that you have or where you've come from and just allow yourself to be that which is needed in every moment in the darkness. And so I really tapped into the archetype of the shapeshifter and the shapeshifter could be the little baby girl, the young eight-year-old version of myself that's afraid and scared or can be the Lady of the Dark that is sitting in there. She reminded me of Ursula from "The Little Mermaid". Oh, poor, unfortunate souls! However, she had her own version where she's a lot more loving, and she didn't take people's souls but--

AUBREY: Less diabolical.

BLU: Less diabolical, definitely.

AUBREY: Similarly charismatic.

BLU: Yeah. Definitely equally as theatrical. I was in the bath and she was like, "Oh, I am the Lady of the Dark. Oh, what poor souls that are so afraid of their own shadow, saying that it's bad and evil, yet not recognizing that all of their power lies right where they're afraid of the most. And if only you can soften and surrender, you'll realize it's not actually a bad place to be." And she was talking really confidently through me and I was like, "This is fun." and for about 30 minutes she would be riffing rhymes that were steeply in the psychology and the philosophy of the darkness, and showing me about Persephone, and how she had descended into the darkness and actually then called her power back from this space and how, within the great religions, we have been conditioned, for the most part, that the darkness or the demons, this is all things to be afraid of, and to avoid. And yet simultaneously within these dark spaces, actually, when we can listen deeply, our power is recalibrated. And then we can use that power in service to the light. That was a really fun experience of channeling the Lady of the Dark. And she was also inviting me into recognizing that she lives within me, and she can be accessed in the light, and pure and available and she's just another aspect of my psyche that wants to really come online in a big way.

AUBREY: You reference this concept of the classic religions telling us to be afraid of the darkness in a real way. It's interesting, from a mythopoetic lens, to look at that because if you think that the rational mind, which is part of the separate self, or the ego construct, the identity construct, very much in the light. It's always able to see and it tries to always maintain control, maximum control. Well, the soul, the connected self, is always lying in the subconscious, and the unconscious, the non-conscious mind. That's where our true self really lives. Occasionally, it can make its way all the way through to the light, to actually where we become. Both still, of course, the separate self, but the separate self-infused with our soul, with the wisdom of the unconscious, with the connected part that's connected to all things. And that merger is what's called, in the lineage, your unique self. It's where you actually as you, yourself, your sacred name story, merges with the divine, but that has to come up through the shadows, up through the darkness. So all of these different codexes are basically saying, no, no, don't go down to where the soul is, stay up here in the rational mindsphere, stay up here in the separate self and it's just a trick, it feels like to maintain power of the separate ego construct and not allow that power that comes in whispers and comes in intuitions and comes in a quiet knowing and the release of the light, and actually finding yourself in the darkness. One of the classic quotes that I put in my documentary about the darkness is: there are two men, one who is asleep in the light and one who is awake in the darkness. I think it was Khalil Gibran who said that, but it's so true. We think that oh, yeah, we're conscious, we're awake, our mind is tracking everything, we're in beta brainwaves, we're figuring shit out, and we're looking around at all of the different things. This means that we're awake. No, we're not. We're just drunk. We're just drunk on our thoughts. We're drunk on our mind. We're not sober or awake, or any of that. The awakeness actually lies in the truth that's in the shadows. It feels like the Lady of the Dark was reminding you that, as you. Tell me about that a little bit as well. We're deeply steeped in a very magical world, where entities and expressions of the self can actually come through different people, particularly for the feminine. I do know some biological men. Interestingly, they both happen to be gay, which is just--

BLU: A feminine essence.

AUBREY: So deeply tipped into their feminine essence in some way, at least sexually and also in their nature, you can feel it. But it seems to be happening all around us now. This is not like, oh yeah, there's that one person who can channel this being and there's this oh, yeah. No, it's everywhere I look. It's such a different world than I ever expected I would be in. I'm also very skeptical. I'm like, I don't know. That's always my default, but I feel the veracity of the truth. I can feel when it's in alignment, and I can feel when it's not. I'm looking around at everybody, you and Vylana and countless other people, I'm like, yep, that's real. That's true. I've never had that experience exactly. For people who haven't had that experience, what does it feel like when you have an encounter, an experience with being like the Lady of the Dark or an archetype of you, that's the Lady of the Dark, I think? People try to make that distinction. Was it external or internal? Doesn't matter. We are an entire ocean of the whole universe ourselves, so whatever you want, but either way, there's this expression coming through you. What does that feel like?

BLU: It's been a journey to even trust that. There's been, of course, the allyship with plant medicine, specifically ayahuasca and magic mushrooms, have supported with opening up those channels, a different energy. It's almost like you feel it. It's tangible, it can be just an unexpressed emotion of just rage moving through and it's like... Or sadness. How much do I trust that to come through and completely release what it needs to look like from an external perspective looking inwards. That is a block to whatever it is that wants to move through, whatever emotion it is that wants through. It's the mind that's going, "No! Because that's not who you are." When I talked about how it was a melting of my own identity, that is actually when I become super fluid in what is most alive. However, it has to go beyond the mind because the mind wants to have a sense of character that wants to hold on to or the ego. It's been a journey, just to even trust my emotions. That's the first thing that comes to mind is to trust my own emotions, when they want to come through, whether it's something super basic, like sadness, grief. Can I trust this to move all the way through at this moment, and give it full permission? I think that's the preliminary stage for me of trusting the emotions, when they start to arise and giving them wings to be able to be expressed. I think part of my gift that I have been given in this lifetime is mediumship. And mediumship, is to move the energy of somebody else's process, to move it through my body and to help transmute out of this space. That's taken me many, many, many times of learning to trust it when it doesn't make any logical sense. That is also dying into the fears of some religious programming around the fear of possession or the fear of going insane or losing my mind and having to actually go into that fear and activate it from the inside out, to then give it permission to what it wants to be. Once that has started to be chipped away, and it's been years of chipping away at that, that's when all of a sudden, I start to trust what is moving through me. And as a byproduct, when I'm starting to trust what's moving through me, people around me start to trust what's moving through me and then it gives me the space to allow it to actually breathe. I just want to acknowledge there has been certain people in my life; teachers, mentors guides that have I have respected immensely that have seen me before I've seen myself, which has given me that permission to start exploring it, not just alone, but within other people, around other people too, you being one of them. Actually, you being a huge catalyst in my life, completely trusting me. In every meeting that we've had, you said, "I trust your listening, I trust what's moving through you," to the point where I've actually, because in the wake of somebody that I respect immensely, and I really, really respect your navigational discernment, but specifically within the shamanic space, has allowed me to start trusting those edges more, which has then allowed the gift to come through more. When it comes through, it's surprising. I feel like part of my own consciousness is watching it. I say I'm sitting there with the popcorn like, "Oh, what's going to come through next? We don't know." And all of a sudden, boom, it's the Lady the Dark spitting wisdom for 30 minutes. I remember thinking when the Lady of the Dark was coming through. I was like, "This is some fire poetry right now." I've never really referred to myself as a poet. At that moment, the Lady of the Dark gave me the gift that it lives within me and if I want to explore it, it's available. It's a phenomenon that I think that the best way to come in with the mindset is that I don't know. Because the second that I know, the glass is full, and there's no room for anything else.

AUBREY: There's some guidance from Paul Selig about anybody, and I just want to throw these caveats out because my father went into an attempt to channel and it didn't turn out well for him. Ultimately, the voices that he was trying to hear, the voices that he heard and is hearing, are not the right voices. He lost himself in that experience. So it's something that I'm very sensitive to because I've seen the dark side of it as well, as well as the beautiful side. Paul Selig who's a channel that I've had on this podcast many times and I deeply trust, he had two pieces. There's a third that I'll add as well. One, be wary if that energy that you're putting through is causing you fear. If there's fear woven in there, that's a distortion, that's a delusion, that's not the right entity. Number two, be mindful if they're overly-pumping your tires. If they're inflating your ego, if they're trying to tell you that you are the Messiah, or you are the God or the special or the thing, rather than you are... Of course, yeah, you're God, so is everybody else. That's the real wisdom but if it's something like you, and you are better than, it's very seductive, and it's the wrong voice. That's likely a projection of your own ego, trying to find another tool to establish its dominance, and its hierarchy--

BLU: It's rooted in division.

AUBREY: It's rooted in division, exactly, which is not rooted in truth. And number three, maintain agency.

BLU: What was that?

AUBREY: Maintain agency, just to know that, if this comes through, it comes through with your permission, comes through with your choice, and that you are still in control. Of course, there's other practices you can do to set the right container and many things, protections. We don't need to go into all that. I think, just as the basic three tenets: be mindful, be wary of fear, be wary of inflation and make sure that you have choice. Make sure that you have agency.

BLU: And just to press on the point of the container, before going into the darkness, I said very clear intentions and a prayer, "May this be a place of unconditional love and anything that is ready to be transmuted into unconditional love. Only unconditional love and unconditional non-judgement is welcome here and all that is ready to be transmuted back to its original source of unconditional love," and repeated it and made an offering to the earth before going into the darkness. I am aware that I'm going into ceremony, I'm aware that I'm opening up my psychic channel, I'm aware that I'm going to be seeing things that are the unknown. However, because those pieces are put in place, I trust the power of prayer and I trust the power of my offerings and I trust the power of the elements that I made an offering to prior to going in. I trust my ancestors that I call in and I trust the light beings in my life that I actively call into the space. When those layers and the icaros that I'm saying, there's so many layers that are set up so that when these things come through, my level of trust is so deeply-rooted that there is no room for fear because of the layers that have been placed. It's one thing for me to just go into the darkness and be like... And be taken over. And there's another thing to actively create a ceremony of deep intention, reverence, respect and listening and then to have that experience. So it's a very valid point that you just said about the space being set.

AUBREY: My mother encountered this Chinese, I don't know, spiritual medium, of sorts. She told me that story and she was so impressed. And this medium, she was overtaken by a spirit and she needed alcohol. She chugged like a whole bottle of tequila, passed out, smacked her head on the ground. And my mom was like, "It was incredible!" I was like, "No! It's not incredible. It's not incredible. That sucks." That's not the right fucking energy that makes you pound a fucking bottle of tequila and fall to the ground and smash your head."

BLU: I love your mom's response though. "That's incredible!"

AUBREY: Maybe she was in touch with, but you can become enamored with and glamoured by this idea of wow, I'm in touch with an entity. Well, all right, great. Congratulations. You might be drinking a bottle of tequila and fucking crack your head on the ground. You know what I mean? Also other things you're saying were about a lot of fear and a lot of inflation and a lot... I was like, "This is the wrong shit. It's the wrong shit here." It's just important. Look, for most people, they're going to be like, "I don't know what these fucking kooks are talking about. I've never seen anybody encountering anything like this." But some people out here as I think the world is evolving, this is going to become more and more common. So just planting a seed, you may know somebody, maybe this is your experience, just a few guidelines. And, of course, I'm not the foremost expert on such things nor are you. Just be mindful of everything. There's medicine and poison in the same available. It's the way that the universe is built. There's dark and light in all things. There's ayahuasca shamans, and then there's curanderos. The light and the dark are all woven together in different ways in the dark. Yeah, you can say it serves the light and, ultimately, it does and all these initiations. Great, I got it, but it can still fuck you up. You know what I mean? You have to declare your own sovereignty, and say, like, "What do I, sacred name, Aubrey" or "I, sacred name Blu, what do I want as my connected self as I'm connected to the Divine that moves through me, my unique face of the Divine, for which the Divine would be incomplete without, what do I want?" That's the sword. We talked about the sword of discernment. That's like... That'll keep you straight.

BLU: And that, what do I want, is refined for me through daily practice. Without my daily practice, I get merged into the soup of other people's consciousness. And then, "What do I want," and what does that person want that I've just been hanging around with a lot, starts to merge and I couldn't really decipher what's mine and what's somebody else's. That daily practice of my prayers and like I did just before coming on the podcast, a consecration of my physical body, where all energy enters and exits, to say a prayer to recalibrate myself to my own personal energy. It's like a filtering system. You place a filter in a room and it filters the air for a moment, for the day. Then you turn the filter off, and then wonder why there's stagnancy in the air again. Every day, that filter needs to be on to keep purifying the space. That is what a devotional practice looks like. And that's what it, truly, for me, allows me to align with my sovereignty and my heart so that when everyone in the group is doing this one thing, but my intuition is saying, actually, that's not for you, then I make that decision and understand later why I actually chose that, because I'm listening to what is best for myself, not what everyone else is doing, and then just continue to follow.

AUBREY: I feel like we've fallen into this technocratic understanding, or technologic understanding, of who we are as if we've reduced ourselves to a computer. And in a computer, if you had a virus on your computer, if you run the antivirus software, that virus is gone, not coming back. You don't need maintenance, you don't need virus maintenance of the same virus. Well, maybe you need to scan for other ones. But once you fix something, it's done. That's not the way the body is. You can't work out once and get strong. You can't clean or clear or heal once and you're like, "Fuck, I'm good. Here we are. Here, I'm good." People have that, like, "You're doing ayahuasca again?" Yeah, yeah. Again, and again and again until forever, because I'm not ever going to be good. There's always constant levels of challenge and sickness and just the difficulty of life that will be accumulated in the tissues and in the body and in the psyche and so that constant process of cleaning and clearing. Also the process of clarifying your desire. Again, in the lineage, it's called [foreign language 1:18:13], it's like the clarification of your desire, so you know what you want on all of your different levels and being aware, okay, what does my separate self-want? It wants to be better than these people, wants to do these things. That's okay. Beautiful. Acknowledged. I acknowledge you. What does my connected self-want? What is the part of me that's the deepest essence, what does that really want? And then what is the merger in the combination of what my identity self wants, what my connectedness, what my soul self wants, and just constantly cleaning and clarifying, so that you really know, you really know what you're here for. And that point, you're incredibly, incredibly powerful, because you're not distracted by a million competing desires that you don't have in any priority hierarchy. You're a victim of the next shiny circumstance that you want to steer towards, because you haven't really clarified what you really want.

BLU: And that moves us from the realm of the potential palace, which is beautiful, because you have choice and simultaneously also can leak our lifeforce energy through distraction. Actually moving into single-point focus, the training of the mind on a daily devotional practice to bring our awareness into single-point focus in the gene keys. There's a specific gene key with the shadow of distraction and the CD, the highest expression of intoxication. Now we're talking about presence, intoxication of our presence. So the very thing that we can be distracted by and just be spread super thinly also could be laser-focused life force energy and intoxicate through the divine drunk, the drunk on the present moment, and bring us a single-point focus and awareness into it. Now this is a byproduct of training. This is a byproduct of refining our mind and working with it as a part used to being a slave of. This is where I believe true power lies, is this refinement process. And eventually, every time we go to the gym, we strengthen our muscles. After six months of going three times every week, we start to become strong. And then this is where actually we can feel like we belong in our bodies, we feel like actually, we start working as an ally with, as opposed to becoming a victim of. This is all of our individual personal responsibilities along the spiritual path. Like we talked about, there's the light and there's the dark side of it. There can be very challenging, confusing moments. And in those moments of our daily practice, this is when we can actually start to create a solid sense of self so when these moments present themselves, I know who I am, I know why I'm here and I know how I serve. I've learned to trust my own feelings and what I feel right now is that this is actually for service to the good. That creates a deeper level of trust which then strengthens the channel when it comes through?

AUBREY: Yeah, no doubt. All right.

BLU: So how I got beaten up. We're just coming back to that point. I don't want to leave that thread just dangling out there.

AUBREY: Exactly. Exactly. I was coming back to that.

BLU: I was in the bath and I was doing breathwork.

AUBREY: Were you standing in the bath?

BLU: At this point, I was laying in the bath. I've had this really interesting relationship with head rush. You know when you stand up too fast, and dizzy for a moment? I love that moment, because it feels like a short little DMT trip. In the darkness, it's absolutely nothing and a strawberry is the highlight of my evening. The moment of head rush actually was like... I feel a little bit light for a second and it's gone. So I was doing, it wasn't an intense breathwork but it was deep intentional breathing in the bath. I was like, "Okay, I'm finished with my bath." So I stood up and I felt a little bit of head rush and I was like, "I'm going to ride this wave." So I decided to deeply inhale during the head rush and then squeeze my root and hold it while I was standing up in the bathtub, probably actually not the most responsible thing I could have done.

AUBREY: So Wim Hof actually does that with people but he does it with a spotter. So you breathe–

BLU: I didn't know that.

AUBREY: Yeah, this is one of the practices that will do, creates a hard reset in the nervous system.

BLU: That's what it does?

AUBREY: Yeah, it's what it does. So it creates a hard reset, where everything powers down... And it's the restart. It's like... But he has somebody holding you, somebody of adequate size, holding you underneath your armpits.

BLU: That makes sense.

AUBREY: You breathe, you breathe, you Wim Hof breathe, and then you stand up and you jump a little bit, while you're holding your breath and you go out. And then that person behind you, your spotter gently lays you down, pets your head like a little dog, a little cat and is like, "Hi sweetie. Welcome back." And you're like, "Oh man, I was gone."

BLU: Well, that's beautiful to know that I'm not the only one that's riding that wave. However, no responsibility and an entire [inaudible 1:23:13]. Yes, I did that and I blasted into a DMT state with fractals and like... My hearing was like... And I'm like... The next thing I remember, I'm back in the bathtub. I'm like, "I'm pretty sure I got out of the bath." I felt like I was in a full iOS update. I had gone through like a scan... back into like, I've started in the elevator on floor one and now I'm on floor six and I'm in a new reality. I remember just being like, "Ow. Why does my side hurt so much?" And my head had cocked back on the bathtub." For maybe five seconds. I was like, "What the heck just happened?" And like a little bit of fear. But then I was like, "Oh yeah, rode that wave, passed out. Here I am." I have an interesting relationship with pain in the sense that when I feel pain, I go deeper into it. And like I did when I was feeling the pain in my womb, just alchemizing it. Because pain and pleasure, you know have a very interesting balance or a very interesting relationship on the same spectrum--

AUBREY: They're part of the same pole, and that's where you get polarity is part of the same pole. You can actually move pain and pleasure along that pole if you're a master.

BLU: Exactly. It's a sensation ultimately. And then it's a relationship to the sensation is what the experience of it is. I absorbed the pain and was like, "Fun!" I didn't realize--

AUBREY: Man, I wish I had that skill. I could have used that in ayahuasca, for sure. Nausea! Delicious.

BLU: Let's go, pug! Woo-hoo!

AUBREY: Well, a purge can be nice, but just sitting with the discomfort of it. But ultimately so you've passed out and cracked your side on the bath?

BLU: Yeah.

AUBREY: This was definitely unadvisable. This is highly inadvisable. There was wetness, there was unconsciousness, and there were hard objects.

BLU: And no one is coming to see me for another 12 hours and no emergency button?

AUBREY: You were well-protected in the astral. Unadvisable.

BLU: I did come out with some pretty solid bruises. And because it got me on the rib, it looked like a bear claw, the way that my bones and my ribs were. It was just bruised around the rib. I came out and I ended up posting on my Instagram Stories a few snippets of the darkness, then I posted and I was like, "And I came out with a few bumps and bruises." And then I had so many messages of being like, "You got attacked by a demon!" I was like, "I appreciate your imagination. Not quite that. I was just breathing and passed out irresponsibly." For me, it felt like my little souvenirs of the darkness.

AUBREY: Do you remember where I got fucking banged up in the dark? Do you remember what happened--

BLU: No.

AUBREY: So I had a chair. It was like a wicker chair with a rail that went around the back of it, like a hard wood rail that went around the back in a curve. It was tucked into the desk or the table where I would eat my dinner. I had pulled it out, just not really thinking. I got out of the chair and it was somewhere in the middle of the room. Well, I had a nice rug in the middle of the room. I come out of the shower, I dry off. It was cold so I went to the rug in the middle of the room to finish drying off instead of the cold shower tile or whatever. So I was on the rug, and then I went to dry off my ankles and I did it fast. I was drying my ankles off fast. And as I did that, of course, my head was going downward in an arc, like an ax. I had no idea that the chair was right there. So I just headbutt, facebutt the top rail of the chair, right on my nose, like crack. It was unbelievable, immediate like few stars, like what the fuck. And then just rage just rage. I was so mad at the chair. I take the chair and I throw it somewhere like it was the chair's fault.

BLU: Yeah, it was definitely the chair's fault.

AUBREY: Clearly, it was my fault for not tucking it in. And then I was like, "Oh, fuck. Now I got to go find the chair and put it back." If you look at the videos of me coming out of the dark, I have a big cut on my nose.

BLU: Oh yeah, you had, it cut you.

AUBREY: It cut me. You're going to possibly get banged up.

BLU: You're going to get it though. You're in pitch black and it's discombobulating. I think I'm on the way to the bathroom but all of a sudden, I'm banging into the table. I'm like "Wait, I'm in the complete opposite side of the room from where I thought that I was.

AUBREY: It was a good lesson for me though because, obviously, tucking in a chair is something that... These ideas come from zen, how you do anything is how you do everything. Any bit of sloppiness that I had in there, you pay the price for. How many times a day are we like, "Where did I put my phone? Where did I put my pen? Where did I put my things? Where should I put my ChapStick?" And then you're looking around the place because we're not conscious of doing the things like, let me put my thing here. Here it is. Here's my thing. Did I lock the door or not? I don't know. Be present when you lock the door and then you won't have any fucking idea whether you lock the door or not when you're 15 minutes away, and you're like, "Fuck! Did I lock the door?" Just being present and there and conscious of all of these small actions, it's like a different way to live. And that crack of my face was like, okay, in the darkness now, tuck your chair. put your things in the right spot. Don't be lazy. It's like a valuable lesson.

BLU: I see everything as a micro-ceremony. So even when I'm brushing my teeth, if you're in the darkness and you take the lid off the toothpaste and you don't know where you put that, you ain't going to see it again. Your toothpaste is going to get all mangled and then you go brush your teeth with it. It's about okay, I take the lid off my toothpaste, I put it down and I know it's right there and it's one inch to the left of the sink. Okay, got it. And a cup. It's the presence that I love to continue to incorporate into my everyday life. I was the retreat center, and we move into the room and the ritual and the ceremony of every small item and knowing exactly where it is and the cleanliness of my room allows me to feel super aligned that I can actually be fully present because there's not open tabs of things that I didn't complete, like putting the lid back on the toothpaste, or did I lock the door did I not? These are open ceremonies, little bits. So every single moment is a little mini-ceremony and the darkness was such a great teacher of that.

AUBREY: Yeah, absolutely. Tell us about what it was like coming back out into the light? For me, that was one of the most profound aspects of it.

BLU: I put on a blindfold. He came to me in the morning and opened the door. He guided me up the stairs. I could see like little peeks of light under the blindfold. I just pushed my eyes onto the blindfold as much as possible so no light leaks could come in. It was cold outside and just feeling the breeze was such a gift. I think that one of the most amazing things for me that came out of the darkness on the other side of it was the incredible amount of gratitude that I had for the smallest things that we take for granted on a daily basis. I would sit down and I was feeling the breeze and I was like, "Oh, the breeze! What an amazing sensation." I put a little cape on. He was like, "Whenever you're ready, take the eye mask off." And I took a few breaths and I said a prayer that this was going to be as if I had just come to Earth for the first time to see everything through fresh eyes, to see the trees and the birds and the sun through fresh eyes and the miracle of what it actually is. When I took the eye mask, it was blinding. When you see in movies when someone's passing over to the other side or met God, and there's this blinding white light? That was exactly what it felt like when I took the eye mask off, to the point where I was like... For a while, I could hardly look up. It felt like I was on three grams of mushrooms or something. Everything was like fractals and breathing and the colors were pixelated. It was like... And also through the lens of being eternally grateful for the smallest things while simultaneously seeing everything for the first time, it was such a wild sensation. That feeling lasted for about six hours. It wasn't just a quick, "And you're back in the light." I would look up and see a bird land on a branch and just be like, "Whoa! That's a miracle! Look at that tiny little thing and it can fly. It's perfectly designed the way that it is through some creator that is something that we can't even place a name on, so vastly intelligent." To be in that essence, and to be so clear in my mind and so present and so grateful and to know that that is being integrated in real time, I felt reborn is an understatement. All my senses were heightened, even my hearing, walking slow, talking slow, moving slow, and just coming back to a new default way of being and to actually genuinely move beyond this human doing into an actual human being, an actual human being. Quiet. It was a moment that I'll never forget for the rest of my life, coming back out into the world.

AUBREY: And a hell of a preparation for ayahuasca.

BLU: Before [inaudible 1:33:33]. Make sure that you're not eating salt. And there's a specific food regime and all the things. Well, how about let's just deprive you of everything besides one meal a day, which is super basic, And face off with the deepest parts of your own psyche so that you can come to the medicine clean, clear and grateful. Whoa, now that was a game changer. So what I was shown was the darkness was my death and the medicine was my rebirth into a whole new way of weaving in this world.

AUBREY: Yeah, and for me, I had to do both death and rebirth in the ayahuasca. So let's go into that after I use the restroom. So what I'm thinking for the ayahuasca portion of this podcast is let's switch roles slightly here. You're podcast host, have an amazing podcast which I have appeared on. We'll switch roles because I'm going to guide myself through my own ayahuasca arc because it was very profound. Yours is always very profound but you've done several hundred and I've only done 25, 26. There's a lot of interesting things that I want to get into and I just want to rely on your wisdom to help guide us through this next portion.

BLU: Let's do it. Let's peel back the layers.

AUBREY: Let's do it. So the first part, going into ayahuasca... One of the beautiful things about ayahuasca is it demands that you purify. I've had an ongoing battle with being off and on, different sleep aids and sleep medications. For ayahuasca, there's no leeway. You got to get off. You got to come in clean. That brought its own challenge into the ceremony because I wasn't sleeping much, because it's like, okay, now it's done. You're in dieta and it's done. And there's not really an option. There's potential dangerous interactions. There's also the commitment to purify yourself, to actually encounter the medicine in the right way, in the right alignment. First of all also, fucking stunning group of people down at Soltara in Costa Rica, with Maestro Orlando, El Dragon and we have a little mini documentary coming out about El Dragon, and a lot about our first experience, last time with them, but a magical, magical group of people at a magical time in the world, challenging, of course. So that was also weaving in an incredibly powerful and beautiful and new friends and new allies and old tribe and allies, many people there that I've known for, I don't know, over a dozen years. Caitlin I've known for 18 years and Mikado, 12 and Bodie, 17 years old and new and new friends that I've only known for months, a powerful, powerful group of people. My own challenge was, as I was going in, sometimes only sleeping three hours a night, because my body was acclimating to not needing any sleep aids. So going into the first ceremony, I was pretty banged up. I came in already feeling exhausted, hot and a little... The inflammation just from physically not sleeping was already there. I realized that one of my intentions was to sit into the discomfort and really learn to accept it, because you can only be comfortable if you're comfortable with the uncomfortable. If you have apprehension or fear of discomfort, then you're always not only going to be experiencing the discomfort, but you're going to have the discomfort and anxiousness of worrying about the discomfort because the discomfort carries such weight. And that's what I was experiencing, and even though I'll do it in brief moments, a hard workout, an ice plunge or something like that, I can go into the uncomfortable intentionally and I have my whole life for brief moments, I still am a slave to the comfortable. I knew I needed to confront discomfort head on, and then find also a greater faith. Those are my two main intentions that I brought. Ayahuasca, more often than not, delivers on your intentions. I drank the first cup of ayahuasca and immediately it was the most uncomfortable nausea that I felt and I can ever remember on ayahuasca. It was just right immediately. It was massive, massive, massive nausea. Then I started to get hot and sickly. It was so gnarly. A lot of my first journey, for the first couple hours, was just leaning into accepting, "Okay, here I am, just accept, just allow the uncomfortableness to be there." Ayahuasca was also weaving its beautiful magic, beautiful visions and different ways in which the medicine would come into my mind and start to make little repairs and come up with little plants and vines and leaves. I found myself constantly finding a distraction or finding something else that my mind was saying this will make you comfortable, if you think about this, or this will make you comfortable if you move over to this, if you wiggle this way or shake this way, or breathe this way. I kept saying nope, back to the discomfort. Find a way to be comfortable in your discomfort. And that was for hours. It got to the point where the discomfort was so much, it kind of broke me actually a little bit. I was at the verge and I actually reached over, Vylana was next to me for this first ceremony, and it's a little bit naughty but I reached over and I just I reached over to hold her hand. I was like, "I just need a little support right now, just the need, my love, to hold my hand." That gave me just a little bridge to be like, "Okay, I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be okay." That's one of the beauties of this medicine is it's hard. It can. Isn't always, but often, it's hard. That was a really key, key experience for me is to be like, "Okay, I know, I'm exhausted and I'm hot. I know I'm nauseous. But I'm okay."

BLU: Do you feel like the experience shifts the moment that you genuinely believe that you are okay?

AUBREY: Yeah, that was the place I was getting to, which is a combination of faith that this too will pass, that classic, classic wisdom and also, if it doesn't, I'm okay. After I held Vylana's hand, it was like, if it doesn't, I'm okay. I got to that point and then I sat in that for a while. There was no relief to the symptoms and the feeling. So I was like, "Alright, I think I've had enough for this lesson for today. We had a long week. I'll go back here if necessary." I was like, "I'm going to purge. I'm going to make the choice to purge." And we actually practice that. Part of the soltara way is you have a lemongrass vomitivo, where you actually chug a bunch of lemongrass, which isn't an emetic. It doesn't make you nauseous by any stretch. It's actually quite pleasant. It's a nice tea, like an iced tea with no ice. You make yourself vomit and teach you okay, I can make myself vomit if I want to. So I'm going to do it, make myself vomit. So I go up, and I get on all fours, cat pose. Then I'm like, all right, here we go. Here we go. It's going to come and I will purge myself. All that came out was one thick nugget of chunky ayahuasca.

BLU: Ew.

AUBREY: And that's all that comes in my mouth. And it just floods my mouth with the same nauseating taste of that thing that had made me nauseous for three and a half hours and I spit it out, and it hits the bottom of the bucket with a clunk. It's like... Like a thud. And the voice of ayahuasca says, "Uh-uh, I'm not done with you yet." I was like, "Oh, God!" So I lay back down, I rinsed my mouth out with water, lay back down like, "Fuck!" That was the worst. That was like a nightmare scenario. Now I have nausea and the taste, making me more nauseous. And I'm like, "This is horrid." I made things way worse. And in that, I started talking to ayahuasca because it came through with that classic stern voice like, "No, I'm not done with you yet." And I was like let me try to change the relationship here. Let me try to establish a different relationship. I started talking to ayahuasca like I would a lover. I was like, "Sweetheart, I love you. Thank you so much for everything you've brought to my life. My love, my love, I love you. I love you." Of course, people are saying, "What are you saying, you're loving a fucking drink?" But there's a spirit there. There's a spirit there that you can really feel. And as I said that, I heard another voice emerge. It was the loving voice of ayahuasca, which matched my love that I brought her. She came with a loving voice, and she started talking to me like a lover and was like, "Sweetheart, I know, this is hard. This is for you. We're doing this for you and I love you too." It was this beautiful dialogue. And through that, it was a great relief to feel like we were on the same team and we were lovers in this thing together. I just thought, all the time, we think of ayahuasca, oh, grandmother ayahuasca just being that stern and loving, but stern, and grandmother, but when I switched it to lover, it was very different. It just showed how vast the spirit is and how reducing her to grandmother is not quite accurate. It's just a symbol that we use, and sure, it's a fine symbol, and she can appear that way. But also, she can be a lover, absolutely, and a goddess.

BLU: And our lovers are designed specifically to trigger us in all of the areas in which our growth wants to happen and in all of the areas where our awareness wants to be sent into.

AUBREY: As all great lovers do.

BLU: As all great lovers do. That's why so much growth happens in a relationship.

AUBREY: That's it. So in that, with that loving relationship established, she was like, "Drink a little water. Drink a little water and we'll move through this together." So I drink a little bit of water and then the nausea starts to build and build. And she says, "Okay, now my sweetheart, you can let go." So I got up to purge and it was just this gorgeous, easy purge that everything emptied from my stomach, and everything left my system and it was just peace. Then the ecstasy of the ayahuasca, which is just the light and the visions, and the beauty of the experience was there without any of the discomfort at all. My fever, my clamminess, all of that left my body and I was just in this really loving dialogue with ayahuasca. That was really the first journey, but it was very special because it established a different relationship with her, and with her and me. It was just a great lesson that others and anybody will treat you very often like you treat them. When you send loving words and ideas, that will often be reciprocated.

BLU: Exactly, you wouldn't go to somebody's home and just open the front door, not acknowledge them, keep your shoes on and sit down.


BLU: It's a relationship. You knock on the door, you wait for them to answer. You embrace them. Hi, give them a hug. Have a conversation. Take your shoes off, go sit down, there's a level of respect. And just because she doesn't have a physical body doesn't mean that she doesn't have a spirit. She's asking for a dialogue and a conversation. Introduce yourself, what is your name? What would she like to be called this evening? It's not grandmother for everybody. It's mama, it's beloved, it's your own personal relationship. But that relationship wants to be established as allies. Not to just go in there and get spanked. It's a relationship and you started, from the sounds of it, your experience with working with her in respect and an allyship, and to be able to move through it together for you as opposed to why am I doing this again, and not establishing any sort of connection?

AUBREY: Yeah, and if you come like, "Grandma, you're going to spank me, I've been bad." She'll be like, "Sure. Here it is. Here's this spanking." This is what the relationship was established as.

BLU: And she got a whole new paddle and she's ready to go.

AUBREY: She's ready! She's ready. What do you want, the belt, the spoon, the paddle, do you want to get kinky with it? How deep do you want to go here? I'm your Huckleberry. Let's go. She's ready. The second ceremony I had with Maestro Orlando, the second time I ever drank ayahuasca, I was visited by these amazing ships, this flotilla of snakes and serpents that sucked this black smoke out of my body. It was massive, filling up the whole sky. That moved through and then this other amazing ship with these hieroglyphic sigils and things that were all over at this massive-pointed ship which filled the whole sky came and it beamed this light underneath my tongue. And it was this beautiful encounter, these ships. I was saying, "Beloved, sweetheart, I want to see a ship. Can you show me? Can you connect me to a ship? I have a particular affinity with Pleiadians, which I felt like I've contacted. This star nation, perhaps of my own imagination, or perhaps, of a reality that exists in our multidimensional existence, I tend to believe in the latter. But either way, that's what I wanted to see. And what came was the ship, a craft, arrived into my vision space. And it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen but I realized that it was showing me the most beautiful thing that I could imagine. I could never paint it or think of it myself or draw it or think of it on my own but it was some deep longing for beauty that was projected on this thing. It was like a quantum ship. Once I explored it and looked at every way in which it appeared to me, which was these beautiful visions of almost like it was carved with waves, and waves of light and frequency, and it was moving and it was stunning then it could shift into another thing that was equally beautiful but different and then shift again. I realized that the ship that I was looking for was actually whatever I wanted to see. It was like a quantum reflection of that thing, which I wanted to see the most. Of course, because it's not a physical thing, I couldn't reach out and touch it. I couldn't knock it like I could knock a table. It didn't have that level of density. It was an interesting way to reframe. What appears to you in these quantum realms is how you want something to communicate to you. There was a little cool lesson in there where we saw all of these figures and things. And really, those figures, they don't look like that, because they're not matter but that appears to our mind and symbolism and a way in which, "Oh, yeah, like that means something particularly special to us."

BLU: And how do you decipher the meaning for you?

AUBREY: In this case, there was less deciphering and it was more an understanding that this was the most beautiful thing that I, Aubrey, could see. That was the gift. It was like, "I'm going to show you the most beautiful craft that you could ever see." It was a feeling like it couldn't be more beautiful. It just couldn't. It could not. All of my desire to see something beautiful and magical reflected back 100% more magical and more beautiful than I could ever desire. You can look at a sunset and say, "Wow, that was beautiful." But maybe you might say, "I'd like a little more reds in there." Well, in a real sunset, you can't make it appear a little more red, or at least, I don't have those magical powers to change the colors of the sunset.

BLU: Not yet.

AUBREY: But in this realm, it was at maximum. It was like this is the most awe-inspiring beauty that you could see. It was like a beautiful reward and a cap and a lesson for that. And then packed everything up, gave her hugs, and went to bed.

BLU: And yet, also the ceremony when you pack everything up, and it's the walk home, it's the conversations or the bye, just before you're about to fall asleep. It's the dream state. The ceremony does continue.

AUBREY: The whole week has its arc. And, of course, there's Vylana's experience and her ceremonies in weaving with other people, where the individuation of your experience on the mats then extends into the group.

BLU: That was night two?

AUBREY: That was night one.

BLU: That was all night one?

AUBREY: That was all night one. Night two. Night two, things got really particularly interesting. So I went to drink ayahuasca night two and El Dragon brought his own brew that he brewed from his village outside Tarapoto. He's from the Quechua lineage. They've been brewing ayahuasca in a particular way for a long time. Uses black ayahuasca, which is a very intense, intense vine. And his own admixture of chacruna, that he builds into the vine. The first night, it was a thinner version of the Dragon brew and thinner than I remembered from the last time that I sat with him, which was six months ago. This time I go up and he serves me out of a little gourd. This is like a little wooden bowl.

BLU: That's when you know it's gon' be rich.

AUBREY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he serves me out of this wooden bowl. And the first time he filled it up, because it was thin, so I had a full cup of this thinner brew. It was strong but it wasn't super intense. So he goes to pour the second night, and I was the first person to get his brew. He goes to pour it and it comes out so thick. It was like a ketchup bottle where you have to pound the bottom of it, to get it to come out. He goes to pour it and I hear him go, "Oh! Oh!" And then the two other amazing facilitators, Valco and Jen on the other sides, are watching this whole thing. All of them go, "Whoa." Everybody was like, "Whoa, that's a thicky. That's thick." And he only filled it up halfway because it was like sludge and I'm just drinking it down, but it's going so slow, I can't even like--

BLU: You don't hold it for a while and it trickles like tar into the back of your throat and you know you're about to take off on a spaceship to God knows where and there's no stopping it now.

AUBREY: So I finally got it down. I know the whole bowl is just coated with ayahuasca because it was so thick. I finished it as much as I could. And I go to sit down, and immediately, I start treating myself like I did ayahuasca, the most loving, and when I was referencing when you were talking about the darkness, that self-loving, nurturing, and I was like putting my hand on my chest and like, "It's alright, sweetheart. You've got this. You're doing so good." And just loving myself with the most loving voice, the most loving touch possible. It was a beautiful experience from the start, I had no nausea, I had no discomfort. It was just a love fest, it was me just deeply loving myself, deeply. And the group, everybody was in their own energy and the group was just coming together, night one. Night two, we did some practices together and we talked a lot. And the group cohesion was really strong, you gave a beautiful prayer, we had talked about the different Songs of Solomon, we were really coming together as a beautiful group. The cohesion of the group was just magical. It locked in and you could feel it. You could really feel it.

BLU: It felt like a combination like that it clicked...

AUBREY: Totally. Totally. The medicine space opened up. And they call this the [foreign language 1:55:29], the medicine. They call it sea sickness where everybody's in the medicine and there's a collective medicine, so you have your own [foreign language 1:55:37] and you have the collective [foreign language 1:55:39]. And on night one, it only felt like it clicked. Myself and Jen and the facilitator, Shipibo, we were talking about it. There was a brief window where it opened up for everybody. And there was three beautiful icaros in a row. Maestro Orlando laid one down. And then Jen laid one down, and then Valco laid a prayer down, like tapped into the Christ consciousness, says, "En el nombre JesuCristo.” But it wasn't the words that he was saying. It was like when he was saying it, he was there. He was like touching the Christ. And it was fucking beautiful. But it was short, but this time, it extended through the whole experience. So as I'm loving myself and loving ayahuasca and inviting her at night, "I'm so excited to see you sweetheart. I can't wait to dance with you tonight." It was just such a loving dialogue and everything was so beautiful. And interestingly, what came up in the vision, and the visions were, man... People who haven't experienced that don't understand how impossibly beautiful these spaces can be, mind-blowing. Think of the most amazing fractal art that you've ever seen as 3D fractal paintings and visuals and experiences. Maybe you've even gone into VR versions of it, where it's just so beautiful but you're in that fully yourself. It's just moving and appearing. So I'm in this place where all of the beauty was in my vision, and I see this monster come through, which was made of the light, which was interesting, because sometimes, the entities that you see, they're more made of darkness and distortion. This being was made of the light, it was eating the light. It was eating all of the medicine and all of the light, all of the fractals, all of the junk. It was eating it and it looked like it had a giant exposed brain that was the size of a giant pine cone. And it had this gnarly face, and it was just chewing and eating all of the light.

BLU: What do you mean it was made of light?

AUBREY: The interesting thing, so sometimes I've encountered beings that felt dark. And I could imagine a dark being that was eating the light, and there was only darkness. This being was also beautiful, but it was a monster. It was a monster that was eating the light. So it was curious. I couldn't say, "You're bad." But I also didn't like that it was eating the light. You don't need to eat the light. It's not like it was doing something good with it, like transmuting it into something more beautiful. It was eating it. The big brain was the interesting part. Then I immediately realized that, oh, that's me. That's my mind. That's my mind that eats the medicine available in every moment, by distracting myself, by being worried, by projecting a piece of myself into the future to worry about something else. That's really what we do when we're worried or anxious. There's a piece of us that's in a future timeline, that's suffering the pains and suffering the worry of a possibility and then transmitting that danger to us here. It's like a scout that we sent, that our mind sends to the future to explore some shitty possibility and then beam back the message: This is dangerous. This is dangerous. We do that so that we are aware of a potential danger but we feel the danger so that we have the motivation and action to move. I recognize it in my own life. My brain is constantly eating the medicine of every moment. It's eating the eros. It's eating the life, the love, the presence by going into a future reality where things aren't good, or I'm not navigating this. So it came into my mind and I saw how all of the tentacles of that being had extended and stretched into so many areas of my life and were keeping me from just basking in the beauty of every single moment.

BLU: You said something on the retreat that I wrote down, being a victim of the future, and learning to no longer be a victim of the future. And that is essentially what you're talking about in this–

AUBREY: I recognize that I was doing that on purpose, not necessarily from a superconscious place, but I was sending a part of me to suffer in the future, to try and prevent me from being in that timeline where I suffer. I was doing this always, always. So a part of me had been fractured off, and was intentionally being a victim of a possible reality. So that it could transmit the pain and fear of that possible reality because I believed that that would help me to navigate away from that reality. All right, maybe it's practical but nonetheless, if you do that always, instead of just having faith, if you do that always, a part of you is always suffering in the future and transmitting that back to yourself in the present. That's what this light-eating monster was doing. Now, of course, the monster was still light because, of course, all of me is still a part of the Divine and all of me, is still part of it. But it was just misguided. And it didn't need to be doing that. Maybe in certain circumstances, as a CEO or different things, you do need to do that to a certain... But you have to control that. You have to be the master of that part of you that's projecting those scouts into the future, and have to have the ability to call them back so that you can just be in your heart. That's where I started focusing everything back to my heart, instead of being in the head and back to my heart. I noticed that I would get distracted still. I would get distracted and the beautiful medicine that I was seeing and experiencing would go away. And then I would say, "Oh, sweetheart, come back, come back. I just lost focus." I wasn't guilty for it, but I was just acknowledging, come back. That's another invitation for every moment. If we find ourselves in our thoughts or out of our mind, let's say you're making love to your lover and then all of a sudden your head goes to think about something maybe whether they're going to climax, or maybe it's something even separate from lovemaking or you're in your head, there's always the chance to call yourself back, back to the heart, back to the heart, back to now, back to this presence, back to this sensation, back to this breath.

BLU: And even in something simple like a conversation.

AUBREY: Of course.

BLU: Bring it back

AUBREY: Eating a meal. This meal is so good. Thought, thought, thought, thought, thought, food starts disappearing. You don't even realize how delicious it was anymore. And all of a sudden, the food's gone. You missed it. You missed it.

BLU: Where am I? Where did that meal go. I didn't even enjoy it.

AUBREY: Now I'm full. Now let me go to another thing and fucking... So it was just this dance, moving between my heart, which was there in the present, and was just in the rapture and ecstasy of life and then my mind, which was suffering the pains of different future realities, or also past mistakes. Because as my heart was opening in this process, and I was opening, like, "Open your heart, love. Open your heart. Just feel it in your heart." Then I could see, I was getting more in my heart, I was looking at different moments and different actions and different things that I said. And I would feel like oh man, I could have said that so much better, I could have done that so much better. But that very act itself, I was in judgment of a past timeline. I watched my own body get uncomfortable. As I would feel that, I would rub my head and I would notice the tension that came through my body when I was in judgment of myself. All of this tension would come through and I'd be like, "Relax. You always do your best. You did your best then. Don't worry. Everything's okay." I was very keen to be able to track myself. This is such an invaluable skill for me. These were all unconscious to me. I do that all the time. I'll be lying in bed, and I'll think about something I could have done better and my arms will go up over my head and I'll squeeze a little bit and then I'll finally breathe through. It's this moment of tension and this squeeze of judgment. I do it like that and I'll make these similar moves or I'll flex my legs and it's like just relax. Relax, relax, relax, it's okay. In that process, I also realized that, a lot of times, I'm so busy with scouts to my past, and then the part of me that judges; no, scouts in the future and the part of me that judges, looking at my past; that what I'm actually projecting out into the world is a hollow avatar of me, not completely hollow, but slightly hollow in which I'm not fully there. The Aubrey hasn't fully stepped in and it's a creation, literally an avatar of Aubrey that's doing the Aubrey things. It's making sure everybody's okay, that's handling. It's not a bad thing, this avatar. It generally handles things in a good way. But it's not really me. It doesn't carry the medicine, the full medicine of my presence. It's not there. It's hollow, hollow. The archetype of the king is something that I was really working with in that. It became this understanding that when I'm doing that, it's like the hollow king, or the pseudo king. I was looking at the pseudo king, and being like, "Well, it does a pretty good job." Like, pseudo king? Not so bad, really. Most people don't notice but it's just not doing nearly as good as it could be and I'm not enjoying it nearly as much. So it's not that it's bad, but it's also not what it could be. It's not anywhere near the potential of how I can show up in my magic. And all of the real magic that I experience, podcasts, I podcast not as the pseudo king, but I'm there. I'm here. I'm here. I think that's what makes it special. What all these experiences make it special is that I'm fully there. So is this dichotomy between the pseudo king, which is a bit hollow, still good, and the true king, which is me, fully embodied and present. As I was slightly getting a bit enamored with the pseudo king saying, "Yeah, actually, it's doing a really good job, I saw this cockroach come. And this big cockroach come into my vision, as I was thinking about the pseudo king and it shits right on my head. It just comes over and it shits right on my head.

BLU: Nothing like a giant cockroach turd to bring you back in.

AUBREY: And it was such a clear message. It was like, oh, yeah, pseudo king, great. You know where it stands in the order of things. It stands underneath cockroach shit. There's a cockroach and then there's a cockroach's shit and then there's the pseudo king. Just remember where it actually stands in the order of the cosmos. It's beneath the shit of a cockroach.

BLU: Got it.

AUBREY: I was like, "Yeah, okay. Yeah, get it." It's fine and all but it's still beneath the shit of a cockroach.

BLU: How's the place? It's a shitty place.

AUBREY: This is the place. This is where it is in the strata of things. I really started to play with an understanding of how the true king acts, and how the true king always acts for the good, part of [foreign language 2:08:02], for the good of all. It stands for that, no matter what, beyond its fear, beyond its doubt, beyond anything else. It stands for that. And if I’m not strategic, and if I make a compromise that I shouldn't make, then I'm forfeiting the crown of the true king. I cannot be the true king and not stand as the True King. Otherwise, I'm some avatar of a king, some pseudo King, that's trying to navigate and strategize its way through and it was just an understanding of okay, it doesn't matter what happens with pseudo king, if it does good or bad or whatever, I'm forfeiting my true crown, my true power and my true nature anytime I'm not impeccable with what I do and what I stand for.

BLU: It creates almost like a veneer.

AUBREY: Exactly.

BLU: That's not quite the full thing but it presents itself and it can look from the outside like it's the full thing. And yet simultaneously it doesn't pack half as much of a punch.

AUBREY: No, not even close, not even close. There is another really powerful thing that I've gotten in the teachings of the lineage of Solomon through the Kabbalah. And in that lineage, a person doesn't confess their sin. In Catholicism, of course, you confess your sins. But in the lineage, you confess your greatness, you confess your greatness to God. Because it's your greatness that holds you accountable. You confess your greatness, and then you're held accountable because then you were someone great. And someone great has a lot to live up to. It's not about judging. It's just I confess my greatness. So that's what actually holds you accountable. Where you confess your sins, I'm a despicable worm. Well, what do you expect from a despicable worm? Nothing! Nothing!

BLU: Maybe some cockroach shit.

AUBREY: A despicable worm can despicably worm. Of course, it will! Of course! What else is it going to do? So it doesn't hold you accountable at all. It's not about absolution. It's about accountability to your highest self. And that's a confession of greatness. So in this, there was a confession and not an inflation, not an inflation. It has to be true. Confess your true greatness. And confess that and that's what will actually hold you accountable. It's a beautiful reversal of this idea of confession. In this moment, with the true king, it was really a confession of my own greatness. No, no, I am the true king. I am a true king. Not "the" but I am "a". I am a true king. In that confession, there was a different accountability that started to weave in. That was also a poignant experience that I am bringing into my life. Okay. All right. Now I know what that thing is and I know what the other thing is. All good but I know what it is.

BLU: And how do you see yourself bringing that into your life?

AUBREY: It's a process of continual reminders. How does a child learn to speak? How does a child learn to speak? Repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, practice. You continue to talk. And in that case, you have your own guides, teaching you that language, you mimic that language, but it's like having the archetype of the true king and having the reflection of okay, this is unlearning. Let me step back from the pseudo king. Let me bring the fullness of myself from into the moment so that I can stand as the true king. Oh, am I a little afraid? Am I flinching here? Let me step in and let me claim that. Let me claim that, that kinghood. it's a constant reminder and it's not like you get it and it's like, "I got it. Download complete!" It's a practice. The interesting question is you talk about these devotional practices that you have, which are very powerful. What I haven't done is turned it from... Also, again, in the lineage, there's two aspects, there's a Torah, which is the wisdom. The wisdom, the Torah was actually written, there was the wisdom, it was logos, it was the words, it was the ideas, okay, I got that. But then there's the mitzvah, which is the ritual, the practice, the thing that you do to strengthen that wisdom. So it's a combination of both. You have to have the Torah, to then guide the mitzvah, the practice that helps reify that same thing, and help bring it in. And so I think now in the integration process, a big ask is, okay, how do I take this and turn it into a practice where maybe it's a mantra, maybe it's an affirmation, maybe it's a way that I do breath, or maybe I'd link it to my Ràpe ritual. Bringing these things in so that I'm constantly reminded and practicing Torah and mitzvah. That's the way forward.

BLU: And then do you feel like, based off of the insights that you received, in your own unique experience, do you feel confident that you can cultivate a ritual or a practice or a devotional task or representation that honors that integration process? Do you feel confident in being able to create that yourself?

AUBREY: I do. I need to do it. And if I need support, certainly I can reach out to you and Vy and all of the great allies and helpers who have these different devotional practices, but I feel like I'll be able to navigate to it and figure it out. The thing about me is I have a wild, rebellious--

BLU: Sacred rebel.

AUBREY: I kind of push against some of the things that are too structured, because I'm ultimately a pattern interrupter. That's a part of my nature. I'm a pattern interrupter and I like to be fluid. I'm very watery. I like to be fluid and flow and feel. Certainly, the balance that I want to cultivate in my life is structure and freedom to flow. I think bringing in more structure is really important. "Own The Day," the book that I wrote, was great because it offered that structure for myself and everybody who read it, a structure of things to do throughout the day. I do a lot of those practices, but most of them are focused on my physical well-being, my strength and vitality. "Own The Day" it was more about the body, a bit about the mind, but not really about the spiritual actualization. That'll be in other books that I write.

BLU: Book two.

AUBREY: Yeah, book two. That's a key thing. What are the daily things that I can do to remind myself and then the awareness to help catch what's been missed. Joe Dispenza talks about he does a nightly recapitulation of the day. Where did I fall from grace? Where did I shine? He does that every night. Every night, he does that. So it just helps him recapitulate all of these different moments. That leads to this consistent progress. And this is the nature of integration. The nature of integration is not just sharing your wisdom. The nature of integration is sharing it and applying it, applying it to your life, and something that's concrete, taking it from the ether and bringing it right back down to hard earth, of this is real now.

BLU: And this is essentially the very piece that feeds the concept of being the medicine. It gets to a certain point, in my experience, where not needing to sit with the medicine, any medicines, really, at much length or much frequency, purely because the amount of insights that have been cultivated once becoming knowledge, where I believe that knowledge, that is just presented like the insights or the downloads of a ceremony, it's still knowledge, it's not been integrated yet. It becomes wisdom when it drops from knowledge into the body through consistency, through it being integrated into the mundane moments. From the moment that we wake up in the morning, for the first 20 minutes of what we do for our day, this is actually where that knowledge can become wisdom, if you so choose it. Without integration, these ceremonies, really, what's the point? Do you want to be the medicine, that way Aubrey Marcus comes and sits in a room and all of a sudden, I feel more empowered just by being in your presence, because you are the essence and the embodiment of the knowledge you were presented with all of your ceremonies, and you actually integrated as wisdom and now that you just exude it, and you haven't even said a word, and yet I feel more empowered in your presence. That is what it means to be the medicine. And yet that is up to you and your choice of what you do outside of the ceremony.

AUBREY: I thought about, I felt like, man! So far in this trip, I was really tired. And the pseudo King was operating for the first half of this trip in a lot of ways. I had moments where I really stepped forward, of course, in different conversations and different, but I felt like, man, in the sharing circle, I just want to apologize to everybody. And then I was like, no, no, no, that's judgment. Sure, apologize if necessary, but I have nothing to apologize for. I was doing my best and this idea: you'll never do it, right but you can't do it wrong. You'll never do it right. They'll always be away from a greater heart presence, that you could have done it better. And that's okay. You'll never do it right. But you're not doing it wrong. There's nothing to apologize for. It's just life. It's just you living. I started to play with the king of the biblical dichotomy of the devil and God. The devil is all of these judgments and distractions and ways in which the mind can spin things into superiority or abnegation, and all of these different ways that our own mind is playing out both roles in an interesting way. I started to really think about the kind of mythos of the devil and how everything has been, interestingly inverted, up and down, in names and all of this. This became an interesting thread that I started to unpack. I actually ended up writing a poem as I was exploring this, and it came from... So we finished the ceremony and I'm feeling really good. And we go out, we go out to our balcony and the dawn comes that morning. And the dawn was glorious. Every bird was squealing and squeaking in the ecstasy and delight of a new dawn. Beautiful orange sky and the monkeys were howling. Everything was alive and moist and glowing. And it was unbelievable. And I look up in the sky and I see the morning star shining through the dawn sky and the morning star. And I think, wait, wasn't the Morningstar another name for the devil? I was like, that's weird. What is Morningstar? So I googled it? Well, the Morningstar is Venus. Venus is the goddess of love. I was like, "Whoa, there's been some interesting, upside-downing distortion," which would be actually an act of quote, the devil. I'm not into the literal theology of all of this. These are all metaphors. But interesting how things were pointed different ways. And up was supposed to be to the heaven. Up is where the brain monster is living and creating distortion. Down is the earth, is your feet on the soil. It's something different. I wrote a little poem and I shared the poem with everybody in the sharing circle, but I'll share it here.

BLU: Yay!

AUBREY: The devil hides in plain sight, a beast with horns is too easy to find. We'd shoot it, kill it, skin it, mount it and tell our friends how we did it. The devil hides in plain sight. You'll find him everywhere there is a mirror, self-judgment, comparison, derision, the voice that says, "You're a piece of shit, unworthy of love." The devil hides in plain sight, his temptations are not sensual, they are egotistical, righteous, disingenuous, entitled, "How dare you do that to me?" The devil hides in plain sight but his favorite place was the church where sex was a sin, witches got burnt, and all fearfully obedient servants would be rewarded; when they died, of course. The devil hides in plain sight, not in the shadows, but in the light. Every bad name, finite game, act of war, ungrieved whore, petty drama and unhealed trauma. The devil hides in plain sight. Everywhere they tell you to look for him is the opposite. They called him Morningstar, which is the planet Venus, celestial arrows, Cupid's arrows, the two cherubs locked in a sexually inter-twisted divine embrace on the top of the Ark of the Covenant. They tell you the devil is down where your feet touch the earth, connected to life and every new birth and up is God, in the clouds of confusion, questioning, plotting, scheming delusion. They called him a goat when all Billy ever did was deliver milk to thirsty mouths, meat to hungry bellies, and leather for chilly bones. They tell us when we see him to fight, to banish him, curse him with all our might. The devil hides in plain sight.

BLU: Well, that's something to chew on. One line comes to you and then this whole...

AUBREY: Yeah, that's how it happened. It was, "The devil hiding in plain sight, a beast with horns is too easy to find." That came to me in the ceremony and I it was like I knew that I had the thread. And all I had to do is just pull it and keep pulling it and it would come through. The last time I wrote two poems about ayahuasca and about--

BLU: You just released one--

AUBREY: Yeah, one of them just came out. S that was this beautiful dance of recalibrating to the truth of light and distortion. And even so, that last bit, the idea that you fight that thing is the fighting itself is participating in the gameboard, upon which conflict is waged. That's not the way either. That whole idea is actually just strengthening the idea of the devil in anyways. And yes, doesn't mean you invite him into yourself and invite this distortion in but there's a different way. There's a different way and I've found this in every one of my journeys, there's a different way.

BLU: And that's the sacred rebel in you, and that's the purpose of that sacred rebel in you in that pattern interrupt energy that you bring to the table, which can be questioned and judged and simultaneously has a very, very important purpose to recognize outdated patterns that are ready to be transmuted. And it takes somebody's willing to do something a little bit different to actually create a new way where suffering is transmuted.

AUBREY: Yeah. That's it. I think it's a part of my nature is to challenge and question.

BLU: Thank you. Takes a lot of courage. And thank you.

AUBREY: I appreciate that. Thank you. And it's not always going to be right. Some traditions and wisdoms and ideas, instead of trying to change, be humble, seek to understand and when they're in alignment.... That's why when I've been studying the wisdom of Solomon, and the lineage. So much of it resonates so deeply. It actually is a little bit weird for me, because I'm used to getting ideas and then saying, "Aha! Here's how I break this one and make it better!" And so much of the time I've been listening, going, like, "Damn, that really hits the spot." It's like, well, what am I going to do here? But it's beautiful, it's beautiful. Applying it is where the disruptions come. I think it's just that balance of having discernment, and not any impulse to do anything, not an impulse to be contrarian. That's also a slippery trap. Where you define yourself as a contrarian, you define yourself as different from others, it's just another game that the ego plays. Alright, let's just sift through all of this, keep that which feels really resonant and real, and then push to see if we can reimagine those things that are outdated, that need to be updated. Again, it's a deep part of the lineage where they teach that when you are accessing your own face of the divine, when you authentically are identical with the divine, where the divine is you, not facing you... There's this idea that God comes in and takes you over and it's just God. No, you as you, access your divinity, which is all divinity, but it speaks through you as you. It collapses, the separation between you and the divine, which all of us have the ability to do. When you're in that space, your logos, your Torah, what you have access to supersedes anything that has been written before because it's alive. It's alive and circumstantial to this moment, and it takes precedence over anything that was written earlier in the past, but you have to be sure. You have to be sure that it's not your ego masquerading as divinity, it's not your own petty desires, your lusts, your greeds, your comparisons, your jealousies, saying I can supersede any of this thing. I can become antinomian, either lawless or a transgressor of law because I am divinely embodied. Maybe, maybe. Be fucking careful, because it's slippery. This is the difference between what they call the Judah consciousness, who was like that, the mystic, the mystic that turns over the tables or the Joseph consciousness which is follow the law, follow the law, follow the rules, follow the law. Th idea in the wisdom is that we should all strive to have access to the Judah consciousness, whereas we actually have the ability to see the law perfectly in our own way, because we've merged with our own divine nature, as our unique self. It's a radical democratization of enlightenment, or democratization of law in an interesting way. Now, it doesn't mean that you get rid of all laws, but it means that the word, the Torah, the Logos is living, and it lives through all of us always. And there's always an opportunity to reflect on that different thing. So my nature, I see it just embodied in that Judah, David, Solomon archetype, and doesn't mean that I don't also have some of the Joseph archetype in me as well. There's rules when you're running a company of 200 employees. There's a lot of Joseph in there, a lot. There's rules for a reason, they're important to follow. Also, it's exhausting to be constantly checking and tapping into your higher wisdom to make sure that you're actually speaking from your divine authority. You have to be really sure. So a lot of times we are going to be operating in Joseph consciousness structure, in that way. But then the ability to tap into the mystic consciousness of Judah or David, that's like a guiding light for my path. But of course, again, I'll say it again, maximum discretion and this is also [foreign language 2:29:28] clarifying your desires, clarifying where your ego desires and where your true self desires, clarifying all that, so that actually you know that you're speaking from your highest authority.

BLU: I find that the breath just before speaking, the scanning of the body of where the feeling is coming from, the intention and then those that have learned to listen can discern the frequency of where that message is coming from, which will then build the charge, whether respect or actually discernment to step further away from is then created. And that's the ripple and the effect that we make in the world is many small things said from a place of heart because of the discernment of being able to listen prior to speaking.

AUBREY: Yeah, that's it. And for those of us who've touched it, we can tell. We know when we're in there, and it's a special thing. You don't have to say much. I remember on my 41st birthday, we both stepped into that space. There was a little medicine floating around that night and some alcohol and some different things. But at midnight, we stepped into a medicine space, everybody was in such beautiful resonance. I remember for a while there, all I was saying and I forget where it came in the conversation, I was saying, "Yes, yes." But I wasn't saying it, just as Aubrey saying yes, I was saying it with the entire authority of my unique self-connected to the Divine as Aubrey. So it was me at my highest potential that was saying it. And yes is a very simple word but it carried all of the charge and all of the power of it. Even in my darkness documentary, there's a moment where I captured on a recorder where I was saying, "Good." And in that was encoded a deep truth. And so sometimes the words are clever, or sometimes the words are insightful, but they can just be the frequency of that thing. And once you feel it, then you can have like a little bit of a guide to know this is it. In some of the facilitation work that I've done, I've been able to tap into that a lot more frequently and it's fucking special. You can really tell the difference. And it's not that I have access to that all the time. I feel that from you many, many times, many times where you just ride in the current. It does come from the deepest listening and the letting go of all of the many small voices that are competing to be heard and unifying them into the singular voice that harmonizes all of the small voices.

BLU: I find, in a space of people, when everybody's talking all at once and there's so many different voices all being contributed to the pot actually to just rest, knowing that the presence is enough, without needing to say anything, and to soften into the listening. And then once the recalibration of everybody in this space, of understanding where everyone's coming from, then to recognize what's the medicine of the moment and then only speak when it improves the silence. You can say one thing throughout the whole one-hour meeting, but that was the one thing that changed the pivotal point of the whole conversation. And that's the one thing that people will remember because of where it came from. So recognizing the power of our word and the vibrational charge that sits behind it, and the responsibility that comes with that, and recognizing in every single moment, we are spell casting and stories of creation to create more of it. So if we're not being responsible for where our frequency is coming from, we are just calling in more things to reflect the unworthiness in which we feel because it's the very child that was the reason why we spoke in the first place, just wanting a place at the table.

AUBREY: Yeah, that's it. One thing that came through for Vylana is to trust yourself, you have to be completely willing to be wrong. Otherwise, if you have a desire to be right, there's going to be a big shadow that's created because there's going to be shame.

BLU: That's not been addressed.

AUBREY: There's going to be shame around being wrong. So you're going to stick to something you said and not be completely open to being wrong. So many times we're in Joseph and sometimes Joseph masquerades as Judah. You're just following some, some structure or some conditioning that comes from the collective or whatever is happening. It's your ego masquerading as this thing. That can happen all the time but if you listen to your own Judah, or listen to another Judah that comes, you have to be willing to go. "Oh, okay, great. Great. Amazing." It could come Joseph and Joseph. It could be like, "This is what Joseph says, this is the best way to do it." And somebody goes, "No, I think this is the best way to do it." Oh, yeah. That's a better way to do it. Great.

BLU: It's not about who it's coming through. It's about the medicine that has been delivered into space. And that's what it truly means, I believe, to operate in a cohesive group dynamics is what is the actual goal here, and all is about who is the one that's doing it? Can we let it come through this person today, and maybe it comes through this person tomorrow? But it's not about me. The second it becomes about me is the second that the head, because the energy has no outlet, and no receptivity and the reciprocity of being actually an instrument, but not the one that's played the astral music. The head gets big when it thinks it is about itself and then it just goes, and it builds up in here, and it stops the flow. Can we actually release our own individual identity for the greatest good of the healing of the space. And if it comes through the cat in the moment, then it is coming through the cat right now. It will shift and move and change and evolve. And that's when we can actually just live to blow our own minds because recognizing that we are a conduit for something so much greater than ourselves, that is the same thing that created this planet, which is an intelligence that has no name and is so vast and so profound and so beyond what we can even fathom in this moment, and yet, completely be humbled by the majesty of what it means to be alive.

AUBREY: And to know that, okay, the guruness, the Judahness, is not that you reach it and you're there forever. It's a process where you're there and you're not there. And so anytime someone places that and makes that your identity, you are guru, you are Judah, which would be saying like you are the Aubrey, the sacred, unique self of Aubrey completely in perfect clarity, having perfect [foreign language 2:36:29] clarification of desire and speaking as the divine through you. Well, sometimes. Maybe now I am. Maybe not. I don't know. It gets really slippery, when you attach that to your identity. It's a place that we can all arrive to. It's a moment that we can get to and that moment could extend for periods, and it can wax and wane like the moon. And it's just being willing to be like, "Yeah, it's a place we all touch. We'll all be there. And when we're there, we're there. And when someone else is there, they're there. Great.

BLU: And when we're not there, it's more obvious, well, we have been there. I'm really not there right now. I'm just going to zip it.

AUBREY: We have the contrast, but it breaks down. And I'll get into this for my next journey because the archetype of Arthur and Camelot, you think of the roundtable, and that was an absolute Juda move, to be a king of that time, and have a round table, which is the symbol that everybody has an equal voice, that Arthur is the king. However, anybody at that roundtable can wear the crown, and come with that idea. And that's a true king. Like the true king isn't like, "I'm Arthur, and do this because I said so. You fucked up. You fucked up if you're there." You know what I mean? It's like, all right. Let's see. Who's the Arthur today? Who's in their Arthur? Who's in their Judah? And you listen, and you listen, and you feel and you guide that? And it's again, the democratization of leadership. It's like, okay, like, I'm happy to be the leader for as long as I'm leading in the best way. The moment I'm not, great.

BLU: And then I'll lead from behind the throne.

AUBREY: In my own way, I did that when I stepped down as CEO and let Jason Havey come in and step into the CEO role. I was like, "No, you're better than me at this right now." And this is what leads the company better than me. So people were like, "Was that hard?" I was like, "No, it wasn't hard. It was obvious. You were better. Do it." Blessings. And the ability to do that is also really, really vital. Because they'll come times where I'm, just suffering and I'm in my own shit and discomfort. That's when you reach out. I had that experience the next day, and I'm going to my next day's journey, which is very hard in a different way. But in that journey, there was a point where I reached over to my brother to my left, and I just tapped him, and I just reached out and just grabbed his hand. I was in a tough spot. And, he had the strength then. And I just knew okay, even when I'm weak, and I'm down, and I can't make sense, I was lost and confused and hurting, it was difficult, it was like, okay, if I fall, you got this. You got this. And with that, I could find my own peace, my peace to be broken. My acceptance of it's okay. It's okay, Arthur. There's another Arthur. That is why community is so important and having like those brothers and sisters that you can just reach out to and say, "I'm weak now. I'm sick now. I'm broken now. Hold the strength for now." So the place that got me there was the third night and we were with my brother, Dr. Dan and he asked me, "Maestro Orlando's ceremony. Is this the third ceremony? Is it like an integration thing or is it like a rocket ship?" I was like, "Well, it's usually more of a rocket ship. But you never know. The first time I sat with Orlando, it was actually like an integration, third ceremony. Last time, certainly wasn't. It was a fucking rocket ship. So I don't know, Dan. But I would bet on a rocket ship."

BLU: That's on the table. Rocket ship.

AUBREY: If I was a betting man, if I was going into my betting app, I'd bet rocketship. So Orlando, he pours me the thickie, the thickie sticky ayahuasca brew, and he fills it to the brim, double what I got the second night. I was like, "Oh, man, this is going to be intense. But again, started with the self-soothing, the love and all of that as the foundation. I was taken to this beautiful vision. And in this vision, there was all of these insect beings. And these insect beings, it was a beautiful world. It was a gorgeous, gorgeous world, where all of these insect beings were flying when there's flowers and these interesting things in this black, void substrate, there was a substrate of black and there was this giant orb in the middle, in glowing light. And this giant orb that was glowing light was just impossibly beautiful and complex and enigmatic. It had a boundary to it. This orb had a boundary to it, a place where the light just dissipated, and it ceased to exist. The insect beings were part of a different substrate and they were attracted to this light, they were attracted to this light, just like bugs are attracted to the light, even if it's fire, they were attracted to it. I was in this very interesting world. And then I was like, "Well, what is this orb?" And the message came back. "Oh, the orb is God, our God, our nine-dimensional God, of which we're a part of." And this is crazy, because it breaks my cosmology. My cosmology is that everything is contained in the nine-dimensional God. And maybe that's accurate and there's a lot of ways to interpret it. But all I can say is, this is what my vision showed me is that the entirety of God, which is everything, as far as I know, there's actually a limit to that at some level at some dimensional limit, let's call it the ninth-dimensional limit. And then there's the 10th dimension, which is the place where God exists. The 10th dimension is the substrate, it’s another void. It's a separate void. God that has its own void, the ninth dimension which is its own void, upon which all creation is then birthed from, but there's another void outside of that void, in another dimensional reality. It reminded me of the saying of the Tao, which is clearly a deeply channeled mystical wisdom, the Tao Te Ching, Laozi. And it says something like, "I don't know what the Tao is, but it's older than God. It's older than God." That's a very confusing thing to say. The Tao is older than God. I could kind of make sense of it. Oh, there's a substrate upon which gods are birthed and born and exist, and these insect beings were able to navigate that substrate and were attracted to our God. And so I'm seeing this and it's blowing my fucking mind because it's breaking the entirety of my cosmology. I was like, "What the fuck?" Again, the Ayahuasca was so fucking strong at this point, I was so deeply in it. So I investigate the insect beings. And the message was that they were an emanation of an older god of another dimensionality. Call it let's say the 10th is the substrate and then this is the 11th-dimensional God, 12th perhaps. I don't know, there's some people who say that there's the 12th. But that's coming from hearsay. All I knew was that there was another dimension, which is the substrate upon which the orb of God, the glowing pulsing orb exists. And then there's the substrate, which is another dimension. And then there was another dimension upon which there was an older God that existed, and was emanating these insect beings that were attracted to our God. It's interesting because the Bhoga, when I asked the Bhoga about God, many, many years ago, before I knew the nine-dimensional cosmology, I feel like I know it now, it showed me. I was like, "Well, what is God?" And it showed me this giant blue Titan. And this blue Titan was just gently running, kind of jogging in this rhythmic jogging, blue God, and I was like, "Wow, God." And I understood that God was basically making one choice and that was the choice to run, which was the choice to say yes to all creation. And the movement was the yes. Otherwise, it was just stationary. It's just static. And the movement created all the differentiation and all of the different levels. And then it showed me that there were hundreds of these gods, and they were all running in this loop but they are distinct and different. I was like, "Many gods? What!" But I haven't really been able to work that in my cosmology, but it fits in this new cosmology that I have, where there's potentially other orbs of other dimensional realities that exist in the substrate, where there's god. So it's almost like a multiverse of gods and a substrate which contains and holds the multiverse. So of course, you could say, "Well, okay, well, you could fit it in to say, well, there is then one God of all the universes and all the multiverses." That's cool. I'm cool with that. Obviously, that makes sense, you could say that there's still only one God, it's all law of one, unicity. But in this model, it was a different thing. It was that everything that we know of is God, including the void that we know is all contained in one God. And then there's another substrate and another God. So that was a very interesting and confusing thing. And then what I felt was that these insect beings had a different operating system, a different operating system. And in that operating system, they were in the hive mind mentality, where ultimately, they were not separate, like we are separate, where we have choice and sovereignty and differentiation. It was like a hive, like the insect beings where any one insect would sacrifice itself for the good of the hive. A bee will sting, knowing its own death, in ecstasy, in service of the hive. And we see this played out in all the different movies, even the understanding of actual insects which mirror this hive mind mentality. It's interesting that all of our stories, stories which are art, which potentially mimic life is that we realize there's something different and not necessarily wrong, but different about that mentality that's different than our God, because our God stands for sovereignty, stands for our ability to choose, and our freewill, the sacred name story of each of us. There's this other thing, which is no, it's just a hive, and all there is a hive. And then every bit of individuality is effaced, doesn't matter. It's just one and yes, you are your own being, but you're just one participating and willing to die at any moment for the wholeness, for the tribe, the hive. And in this space, I could feel the energy of this insect being, coming in the space and there's lots of wild, magical things that were happening in the ceremony that were creating this. I won't go into all of those details of the ceremony, but it placed me in this conflict, because the hive mentality was seductive. It offered, and the frequency that was available in the space, it was seductive because it offered apotheosis. It offered the ability to merge with God entirely, but not merged like I was talking about this whole podcast, where it's Aubrey, Aubrey, as a unique face to the Divine, a unique face upon which, without me, the divine would be incomplete. So I'm important. I am important. And I am God. But no, there's just God. That's it. There's just God. And it's different beings, but the consciousness is one. When I've interacted with insect, energies in space in many ayahuasca journeys, it's not like I talk like I talked to mosquitoes. It's not like I talk to each individual mosquito like, "Hey, this is Harry, the mosquito and this is John, the mosquito. No. I talk to mosquito. I talk to cockroach. I talk to fly. I had an interesting thing with flies too in my second ceremony. There was a fly that came in my journey. I don't particularly like bugs at all.

BLU: You don't love them crawling all over you?

AUBREY: No, I don't. But I saw it on my journey. And I recognized and appreciated that I've talked to fly energy and I know that they're here to clean, they're here to clean that which is dead and then feed themselves to the rest of life. So I have an appreciation even though I'd have an inherent distaste, but I invited the fly to come into my body. And I was like, "Come into my mouth and invited it to lay eggs in all of the dead parts." The eggs turned to maggots and I could feel the maggots eating all of the dead, just like you could clean a wound with maggots, they used to do that. The flies were laying eggs and laying all of these things in my body. Ultimately, they started to hatch and then all the flies came out of my mouth.

BLU: Not actually, obviously. This is in your vision?

AUBREY: In my ceremony, yeah. This is in my vision. I was in this space where I was like, wow, I don't know what to do here because there's my understanding of God, but there's a super seductive invitation to apotheosis to get rid of my own sacred name, and to merge with hive mind consciousness. I think we're enamored with this idea with singularity, in general, enamored with singularity, singularity. Well, that's hive mind, it's one mind, instead of talking to each person, you're talking to human. That was available, it was available in this space, and I had to make a choice. And it was very confusing, because I've never felt something so seductive. It was so seductive, but it felt so wrong to me, like deeply wrong. I was like, "I don't know, I don't know." I was lost and I was sick and I was confused, and the medicine was wildly disorienting. Eventually, I just decided no, I stand. I stand for God. I wrote that in my journal, I have a journal that I bring in and I scribble things.

BLU: Scribble.

AUBREY: And I just wrote, I stand for God. I stand for our God, for sovereignty, for individuality, for our own sacred name story and our ability to write our own unique story, not just one story, the one story of the hive, but my story. And everybody deserves the right to write their own story. Radical sovereignty, I stand for that. And then ayahuasca was like, "You must collect all of your sacred items." And I'd given away... I'm a generous person. I'd given away some of my sacred items. I gave a sacred sword to my ex-partner, Whitney. I gave a special rock to my sister, Olivia. And I was like, "You need them back. You need them back to write your true story, to write your story." And I was like, "I can't get them back. I'm in the middle of the fucking medicine. They're gone!" And I was like, "Will I ever get them back?"

BLU: Whitney, about that sword, I'm in the middle of the ayahuasca ceremony but it's really important.

AUBREY: And it was like, just trust, have faith. You'll get them back. They're yours. But it felt like Thor gave away his hammer, because he was like, "Look, I really love you. I want you to be protected. Here's my hammer." And then Thor's like, "Fuck. I need Mjölnir!"

BLU: I'm going to need that.

AUBREY: I need that back. So ultimately, it's a happy ending. After the ceremony, I ended up calling Whitney and was like, "Hey, I know this is really special, but I need my sword back." And she's like, "Oh, man, I sleep with it under my bed every night. It's very special to me." And I was like, "I know. I'm sorry. Ayahuasca told me I need it back." And she's like, "If you need it, you need it." And it was cool. But it was preparing me to then stand. You could literalize some of this, and there's some justification for literalizing this. But you could also make it a metaphor. And in the metaphor, I realize what I stood for by having an external threat which wasn't evil, by any stretch, wasn't bad, it was just a different operating system, and it made me say, "I stand for God," and I put my sword in the ground and say, "This is what I stand for, sovereignty, individuality, our ability to share our sacred name story. I stand for God." Potentially, this whole experience was to give me the feeling of just like when New York was attacked, everybody was a New Yorker, and everybody was an American. I know there's a lot of theories about what happened with 9/11 but the function of that was, we're all one because it was attacked. In this feeling of another consciousness, of another God coming to infiltrate ours, I had the felt sense of No, I stand for God. That moment was so powerful, so powerful. And that meant that I stand for all of the darkness, all of the shadow, the devil. I stand for all of it, because it's all part of our God. The ultimate collapse of the division in judgment of everything, because saying, you stand for God is not just I stand for Jesus. Of course, it's easy. Jesus is fucking awesome.

BLU: Did some cool shit.

AUBREY: Yeah, He's awesome. It's easy but no, that's just a part of God. In my understanding, I know there's some religious people listening... No, Jesus is... I get it, I get it. There's lots of ways to cut the pie. But ultimately, in this understanding, all the darkness, all the distortion, everything that's part of our God, even the individuation to say that there is a devil and there is Jesus, the individuation itself, is what I stand for, the ability to be an individual, not just one, but many. That was like what I stood for. And it was like, okay, like, I know what I stand for, I stand for that. Within that, I stand for balance, I stand for truth, I stand for justice, I stand for beauty, but also I stand for the whole thing. It was just this really wild experience. One other little vignette of that was I actually encountered the being, like an actual being of the devil, which appeared a lot more like it usually appears, dark, shadowy, red eyes, horns, the whole thing. I was going through this whole thing, and I just looked over at him. I know it's a meme, but I literally go, "Not today, Satan." I was like, "Not today."

BLU: Boundaries with Satan himself.

AUBREY: I just looked to him, I was just like, "Nope, not today." I get it, there's definitely some work I could do. We could fucking have an interaction. It's intense and I've done that before. I was just like, "Nope, not today." Just not today.

BLU: Not in my house, boy.

AUBREY: Another time, maybe, but not today. It was really funny to just claim that power of yeah, I'm working on a whole different thing here that includes you. I'm actually fighting for you so just not today. I know that your sole job is to fuck me up. So not today, please. And it wasn't please. It was a declaration, so just not today. So that was this powerful reclamation of who I am and what I stand for that includes all of it in a really beautiful way. So at the end of ceremony, Orlando calls you up for a suplado where he blows and cinnamon all over you. I was so blasted, so out of my own bearings, I had to be carried and walked carefully. I was trying to walk like "Weekend at Bernie's". And Valco is used to me, the facilitator that helps bring people up, used to me being very clear, and knowing what's going on, especially at the end of ceremony, four and a half hours later. I walked like three beds past Orlando and he had to grab me, he's like, "No, no, no. Here," and helped me sit down and Orlando was like moving my legs and I'm dripping sweat. They had to pick me up and peel me off, like I was like a vertical pancake and dripping with syrup and just lay me back down. It was a beautiful, beautiful, powerful encounter.

BLU: I can't help but think about people who are like, "Should I watch another episode of 'Friends' tonight?" And you're like over here, peeling back the layers of consciousness and activating all dimensions and having a genuine conversation with Satan and setting some pretty solid boundaries. The choices and what you can navigate in the human experience of what experience you want to tune into, and the path of mysticism that you've chosen, and where you are and how you've created a space for other big game players to come in and experience these experiences, and then for you to then cultivate like the turtle with, with all of your life's experiences in this place is that you go and then you pack them under your shell, and then you come sit here in your home and share on the podcast so that so many others can go on this journey, who wouldn't even probably want to do it in their own way, but is ready to hear the magic that you've bought back and it's just such a gift to be able to witness your courage and your understanding and your lens on unlife and then be able to receive gold for our own individual experience from the comfort of our own home. So thank you so much.

AUBREY: And thank you, sister. Thank you, sis. And you do so much the same thing.

BLU: We ride at dawn.

AUBREY: Second start of the ride until sunrise. Let's go. One thing that I don't potentially stress enough about Ayahuasca is sometimes you can get enamored with the visions and these experiences that I've had, which are magnificent, and instructive and valuable. Ayahuasca, trabajo. It's work. It's work for healing. You go there to heal. All of these visions, and all of these things are just a bonus. Know that if you go, go with that work ethic of I'm here to work, I'm here to work. And the gifts will come, the visions will come most likely but either way, I'm here to do the work.

BLU: Face up with that part of me that thinks I'm a piece of shit. I'm going to have a real sit-down conversation.

AUBREY: Of course.

BLU: And then, ultimately, the work doesn't end when the ceremony ends and the dawn comes and we're like, hugs after ceremony. No, this is when the real ceremony starts, the ceremony of life, which is the realest, rawest, deepest, and also most beautiful ceremony that can exist in this life.

AUBREY: It's the best. We're living in heaven.

BLU: If we so choose it.

AUBREY: If we so choose it. It's our choice, Heaven or Hell?

BLU: And our responsibility.

AUBREY: That's right. That's right. And when we declare heaven, when we put our sword down and say no, this is Camelot. All are welcome here. All are welcome here then it becomes a reality. And then the more beautiful world is drawn to this parallel world that we're in.

BLU: As within, so without.

AUBREY: Well, Blu, what about closing this off with your own prayer for those who are listening. Whatever comes through is the final transmission.

BLU: I'd love to. Thanks for asking.

AUBREY: Of course.

BLU: Alrighty, so anybody that's listening to this, if you're watching this or if you're listening to it through audio, the invitation for you, as long as you are not driving, or operating heavy machinery, please close your eyes, just feeling into your body right now. As we open up our hearts to the infinite realm of magic, of all of the unseen things, of all of the places that we can go whether in our mind or physically on this earth, that we have been given as our home and can we just in this moment, remember the majesty of what it means to even have your breath and how profound it is that you have been given this life, from all of the blood that has been shared by your ancestors for you to be able to breathe today. So whether you feel called to the medicine path of ayahuasca or you'd like to go into the realms of the darkness, or if just sitting in your living room with a cup of tea, is what brings you peace, recognizing that the most important thing is that you can slow down enough to be able to listen to yourself and your own sovereignty, your own truth beyond what you think people want you to be, what people want you to say, and to have the courage to actually listen to the whispers of your own heart, and recognizing that your heart is never going to lead you astray. So in this moment, and in this breath, can we allow ourselves to receive the gift of being human, and the gift of being alive? And that we may not know what the truth is, but we know what love feels like. And can we keep following that? And can we invite into our moment and into this breath, the courage to say, "I don't know"? And from that place, open ourselves up to the infinite realm of the potential of being alive. Thank you for this life. Thank you for this breath. Thank you for our voice and for our song and for our dance. Thank you for all the benevolent life force on this planet, for all creatures big and small, to our blood, family, our soul family, our community and to the world, to recognizing that our vibratory state is our contribution to the collective, so what are we doing with the mundane moments and how are we allowing ourselves to find the magic in all of the sweet in between. Just by being alive, you are enough, you are a gift. And you have a very unique purpose that nobody else can fulfill. So it is up to us to remember what that is and to share it. Thank you for being alive during this very, very, very important pivotal time in the evolution of consciousness. You matter. You're important and only you can access your truth. Time to go all in, in the name of love. And so it is and it is so. Aho.

AUBREY: And so it is. Aho. Thank you, Sister. Love you madly.

BLU: It's such an honor to sit with you on this podcast and to have a brother that can meet me in these realms and spar with me through thoughts and to always return home in full, radical non-judgement, and to be able to share that with the world. I love you forever.

AUBREY: To the end. Thank you everybody for listening. We love you so much. See you next time. Thanks for tuning into this podcast with Blu. Once again. If you're interested in ARKADIA, Blu, will be speaking there. It's going to be such a powerful event. Go to with a K. I can't wait to see you there. Much love everybody.