It is with deep gravitas that I want to let all of you know that Whitney and I are no longer “together” - In other words, we transitioned our romantic relationship. First and foremost we want to thank everyone who has been following our journey and rooting for us. You guys are awesome! We have loved all of the support, compassion, questions, even the little sprinkle of hate--all has been appreciated. Everything has it’s natural time to transition, and we reached that time. As my homie Mike Posner said “the beginnings are always hidden in the ends”, and it is time for Whitney and I to explore the next chapter of our life.
But what does this all mean? Well, we certainly never abided by the conventional rules inside of our relationship, and we certainly aren’t going to abide by conventional rules of a break-up. Whitney and I are just as enthusiastically committed as ever to be friends, allies and teammates in this life. And we have learned as much about ourselves and each other in the time since our transition as perhaps we learned in the entirety of our whole relationship--monogamous and open.
A lot of people are going to say that our decision to have an open relationship was the reason that we “didn’t work”. But that isn’t true. First of all, we did work! Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t a success. Did we have fun? We did. Did we grow? We did. Did we love? We did. Are we better now for having been in this relationship together? No fucking doubt!
And the truth is that Whitney and I had our own pathologies, co-dependencies, and needs for validation that would have prevented us from ever staying in a monogamous partnership for very long with anyone. Without the open relationship, we would have just carried our shit into the next relationship, playing out the world’s all-too-typical drama: serial monogamy. It was the open relationship that exposed our wounds so that in awareness we could allow them to heal. Did the process hurt? Yes, it did. Sometimes very much. But pain is a powerful teacher, and we willingly showed up at school. Even though in hindsight we might have done things a lot better, we loved each other the best we could, so there is nothing to regret. It was the clumsy process of exploration that taught us our greatest lessons.
Today Whitney is releasing her podcast with Dr. Wednesday Martin called True Sex and Wild Love. I am one of the first guests on that podcast, and there are two parts to the episode. The first part was recorded in New York with Wednesday Martin after Whitney moved out of my house. We never announced this to the public. Things at that time were very challenging for us, and we were fighting hard to make it work. We were optimistic - and whether we were foolish or courageous, you can decide. The second part of the podcast was recorded this past Monday and includes everything we have learned since our transition. It is one of the most emotional recordings I have ever been a part of. Please check out the podcast and the other amazing episodes of Whitney and Wednesday’s podcast. I have had the pleasure of listening to many of the shows in advance, and I’m really blown away. I think it is destined to be the flagship Love, Sex, and Relationship podcast of our time. If you like it, please hit the subscribe button as not only is it a convenient way to consume the podcast, it also helps the iTunes algorithm.
Thank you so much to all of you. You are a community more loving, kind, and aware than I ever would have dreamed. Sending love and gratitude to all of you, wherever you are, and whatever you are going through.