I want to write you guys a newsletter that says “I’m on the top of the world, and everything is great!” But, that would only be part of the story. I am literally closer to the top of the world in Whistler B.C., and everything is fundamentally great. However, I’m in the midst of some more internal work. Yeah, I know… Enough already, right?!
It’s not that I am trying to do internal work. I really had my fill in 2018. Can a homie get a break? But we don’t get to decide when it’s time to do the work, and right now I’m being taken back to the fundamentals. Can I love myself simply for being, rather than anything that I am doing? Can I love myself if I am sick, or weak, or scared? Can I love myself if people I love don’t love me back? Or, do I love myself only when I am killing it and validated by everyone around me?
I know the right answer to all those questions--living the truth of them is another story. But fuck that. Seriously though, fuck that. I’m tired of having my happiness dependent on anything outside of my control. I’m done with that paradigm.
That means I’m done with doing things to prove I am worthy of love. From now on, I am just going to do things because I love. Period. Period. Period. Yeah, I’ll fail this proclamation, I’ll fuck up and slip back into old patterns sometimes. I don’t care. Because when I do, I’ll forgive myself so fast it will be like I don’t hold a record of wrong. And if I don’t forgive myself that quickly, I’ll forgive myself for not forgiving myself fast enough.
This is a claim of freedom. I don’t agree with my old ways anymore. I don’t accept that I have to live in prisons of self-doubt and judgment anymore. I’m done being sad because of something that’s in my head. I’ll be sad when the objective reality is sad, not because I plunge my own subjective universe into the boggy marshes of sorrow.
There is a rage inside me. It’s the rage of an acorn pushing up a sapling to pierce the soil. It’s the rage of a mother giving birth. It’s the rage inside a piece of wood that makes it burn when touched by fire. It’s the rage of an addict who knows he will never have another drink. For I have been addicted to suffering, and I’m done with it--at least the part that is within my control.
I welcome any of you who are reading this to join me. Let’s make this day matter. Say the following with me:
The world no longer informs me of who I am.
I am. That is who I am.
The world no longer validates my worth of Love.
I am worthy of Love, because I am Love.
I am free, I am free, I am free.
Thank you to Paul Selig for inspiration in constructing claims like the above. Also, thank you to Amber Rae for dropping knowledge on the podcast this week. She is a motivational speaker that I’ve had the honor to share a stage with at Entrepreneur Live, the best-selling author of Choose Wonder Over Worry, and my latest guest on the podcast. We take a deep-dive that pairs perfectly with this newsletter.
Kia kaha loveheads,
–Aubrey
