It is time for us to come together. To gather, to rise, to love, to LIVE! You are not alone. I promise you, you are not alone.
Thank you to @aldous for the animations and @jonhopkins for the incredible score of the film, featuring @vylana.
This is what I looked like August 11th, in the hospital, before 4 hours of facial reconstructive surgery. And this is what I look like exactly two months later, on October 11th.
A lot of people, including the doctors, are saying that I have healed really well. I don’t have enough of a frame of reference to agree or disagree, but I’m really happy with how I feel.
For me, the most important aspect of my recovery has undoubtedly been my mindset and the support of my friends and family. That is what I tried to convey in the video. But I’ve been doing a lot to support my body directly as well. But remember, this is just my story--I’m not recommending any of this to anyone.
The primary physical concern for me has been inflammation.
The trauma activated pro-inflammatory cytokines as part of the healing cascade, and inflammation isn’t fun to deal with. More than the physical issues with the swelling, it was the fatigue. With my white blood cell count elevated, I felt like my energy levels topped out at about 60%. So, the first thing I had to work on was my inflammation.
I tackled this in a couple different ways. Immediately upon coming home, I started a regimen of CBD. CBD has excellent anti-inflammatory properties and really assists with healing. I have been using it topically every night, and taking roughly 20mg per day orally in a tincture. I have a CBD vape that I use as well, but that’s only a minor part of my regimen.
Next, I focused on keeping my levels of Omega 3 high. Having a higher Omega 3 to Omega 6 ratio is absolutely vital to reduce inflammation. Fortunately for me, Onnit has me covered there, and I have been liberally taking the Joint Oil (packed with both fish oil and curcumin) and the Krill Oil. Chia pudding has also been a major part of my nutrition too. I talk about this strategy and a lot of the subsequent info in my book Own the Day, Own Your Life.
Of course, diet is important here as well, particularly when it comes to foods high in antioxidants. I’ve been drinking more Acai, Aronia Berry, and Dragonfruit smoothies than ever before. I throw some colostrum, some of our grass-fed whey, collagen protein, and tons of healthy fats in the smoothies too.
I also had to do something about my energy levels.
I’ve been drinking a lot of caffeine and having daily nicotine (SNUS), but that isn’t real energy. That’s hormonal and neural energy. Real energy is cellular energy, and that comes from the mitochondria. So I started doing NAD+ IV therapy. It’s one of the most uncomfortable procedures in the biohacking world, it feels like you have a small horse kicking you in the nuts for the entire time the drip is going. But the rebound is incredible. Later that day, and for the next few days, my energy expanded by 20-30%. I did about 5 treatments over the course of the first month.
To further assist with the mitochondria, I added in some PQQ and Co-Q10. The success I had with these supplements in supporting my cellular energy levels has led me to put the best versions of these ingredients into a new Mitochondria formula that Onnit should release in 2019. I encourage anyone who struggles with energy levels to give those ingredients a look and check some of the research.
Next of course, was the pain.
The doctors prescribed me ibuprofen, Oxycodone, and Tramadol. Ibuprofen I am really familiar with of course (it’s Advil), and I used this as necessary when I was achy or in pain. But the problem with habitual ibuprofen is it wears out the stomach and can contribute to even further inflammation. So, I would blend in a little bit of the Oxycodone when I really needed to relieve the pain. But I don’t really like Oxy. It was a crutch when I needed it, but it makes me feel not only physically numb, but emotionally numb as well. It’s almost like it removes me from both the pain and pleasure of life. Tramadol was the best solution. It is the same active ingredient that you can find in Kratom, just concentrated and standardized into a pharmaceutical. It literally just felt like it took the weight of the pain off of my body. But the problem with Tramadol, is that I can’t sleep when I’m on it. So I used Xanax to help me sleep. As soon as the pain was manageable I switched from Tramadol to kratom, as I always prefer the natural method over the pharma if possible.
That’s a lot of drugs! So detoxing was and is still is a major priority… From everything.
I’ve started the detox with intravenous glutathione, NAC, milk thistle, burdock, and as many greens as I can drink and eat. This combined with regular sweats, both in the sauna and the bath, has helped keep me feeling pretty good. But I’m planning a week-long detox in Miami which will include a full detox from nicotine and caffeine as well.
Then there was the physical conditioning.
I wasn’t able to do much at all for the first few weeks, and I just had to accept the fact that I was going to lose a lot of muscle. I got some massages and stretched a little bit, and when I started feeling better I would put on some music and dance a little bit. But about 3 weeks in I was able to start hitting the gym again. Now 6 weeks later, I feel almost back to where I was prior to the accident. I’m even playing some basketball again now.
Finally, there is the issue of the scarring.
This is the thing I’ve been probably the least concerned about, but I’ve nonetheless been disciplined in my approach to helping my body heal. I use nightly scrubs and apply a variety of oils and lotions to the scar tissue. Sometimes it is the CBD rub, sometimes it is a lotion with turmeric and other botanicals, and sometimes it is AC-11. I put sunblock on when I’m in the sun, and that’s pretty much it. I know I’m gonna have scars, but I think my diligence has helped my body recover faster.
Injuries like this are neither a blessing or a curse. They are simply a challenge. And we live for the challenges, because those are the opportunities to show up and be an everyday hero. My body is a little weaker now, but my spirit and my mind are stronger. I’ll take that trade. I’m sharing my approach to my recovery in hopes that it will help you or someone you know suffer less if you share a similar experience. And where this write up is aimed at helping the physical, the video is my best attempt to share my mindset; that this did not disfigure me, but helped transform me. And we always have this choice; to glance backward wishing hopelessly for a different reality, or look forward to a future where we use resistance as assistance.
Around noon on August 11th, inexplicably I fell asleep at the wheel of my car, and crashed into a guard rail. I woke up in the hospital. The following is a transcript of my story: The first thing I remember is being in the hospital gurney, and a nurse had my phone. And she asked me who I wanted to contact. And I didn’t know exactly what happened, but I could sense that I got in a pretty bad car wreck. And I knew my face was numb and bloody. And I gave her the code to unlock my phone, and I told her to call Whitney Miller, my fiancé. And I remember Whitney being on the phone, and I told her I was okay and that I was sorry. But I didn’t know what happened. I didn’t remember the wreck. I didn’t remember veering off the road and hitting that guard rail, having it cut through my car and slice my face and cut me open. I didn’t remember getting taken in the ambulance. I didn’t remember any of that.
I just remembered that morning, a morning that was like any other. A Saturday, about a month ago, just going through the day like I always do. I had a nice smoothie for breakfast. I had a good shower. I did some Wim Hof breathing in a cold shower, and I was preparing to do a podcast with one of my favorite musical superstars, a guy named Nahko Bear. I was coming to the office and I was excited, and then I woke up in the hospital.
And there’s some theories about some things that might have happened, but nothing makes a lot of sense. I didn’t go out the night before, I had a good night of sleep, and something happened about two minutes away from my house where I lost consciousness and went off the road.
But the funny thing is when I was in that hospital, and even though I could express that I was sorry to Whitney because she would have to take care of me and I would no longer be the provider and the man that I had been previously. But she would have to take care of me because I was wounded.
But I had this sense that it happened for me and not to me. Yeah, it’s totally, completely random. There’s no reason, ostensibly, for me to have driven off the road. There’s no cause and effect that I can find, but I just had that feeling. And it was an overwhelming feeling; it was an undoubtable feeling that for some reason this accident happened for me, not to me. I just didn’t know why yet.
And then, as the weeks went on, I started to understand why. I started to understand that when you can’t breathe out of your nose and you can’t feel your face and you can’t kiss your loved one and you can’t taste your food anymore, you start to remember what’s really important and realize that all these things that we think are the most important things in the world... Our career, our success, our business, our relationship, all these things. Yeah, they’re great. That’s important, but you know what’s more important? Breathing air, tasting food, being able to kiss and talk, being out of pain, being able to sleep. That’s really what’s most important about life. And when you have that, well you’ve kind of got it made. And if you don’t have some of that, well, whatever you do have, that’s great too.
And not only did I learn that from this accident, I also learned what it really means to be loved, because i’ve always been such an active provider, caring for people’s emotions, providing entertainment, providing value, doing something to make myself worthy of love from another person, even my fiancé. I’m always doing, so that I feel that the love I receive is justified based on what I’m doing. It makes me worthy! Well, I couldn’t do anything, and what I found was that everybody loved me just the same, maybe even more. And I wasn’t doing anything.
So that love story was real. That it wasn’t me doing something and receiving favor in return. It was actual love. People love me, I learned that. And then as time goes on, I learn patience, I still can’t taste all my food, I still can’t feel parts of my face, I’m still not well. So you learn patience. You learn that the body is slow. You learn that even when you learn the lessons, there are more lessons to learn. Learn how to push on when I don’t have enough energy, when I feel tired and I feel weak and I feel broken. I learn how to find my own validation for who I am based on something else, based on something intangible, based on something that’s so deep and so unique and innate and undying about me that that’s what makes me who I am. It’s not the fact that I can smile a charismatic smile, ‘cause I can’t do that anymore. I can smile with my eyes or my heart. So you learn like what’s really most important about you.
And it’s not what other people are able to do. I had the luxury of having people around me who still love me through this process and still made me feel like I was the superhero that maybe I thought I was. But as those people have gone on their own journeys and done their own thing, I have to find that inwardly. I have to know who I am. Beyond the superficial appearances, beyond what I’m capable of doing in the gym, beyond the output I’m able to provide my business or my work. I have to know that the breather, the thinker, the lover, that’s enough. That’s who I am, and that’s what’s worthy of love. And if it takes an accident like this where steel splits my face in two and I may never be the same again, that’s okay. That’s a blessing. That’s a cheap lesson.
When I was well enough to get out of my house and out of the hospital and out seeing the doctors and the specialists and the dentists, a lot of them kept telling me, “Don’t worry! We’ll be able to get you back to the way you were. And there’s plenty of reference footage and reference photos and we’ll get you back just the way you were.”
And I appreciated them saying that, but I don’t need to be exactly the way I was... That was the old me. I love that version of myself, but I can love this new version of myself just as much. There’s no need to be the same person that I was back then that I am now because I’m not the same person. I’ve been changed by this accident. And it’s okay to visibly express what that change looks like. So whoever I’m becoming, is the new me... Just as whoever I've become inside, is also the new me.
You know, I was given a choice whether I was going to be disfigured or transformed. And we all have that choice when something bad happens. Is this going to be a curse or is this a blessing? You choose.
I choose blessing. And so I’m grateful, even in the hard times, even in the difficult times, I’m still grateful, because it’s an opportunity to learn, an opportunity to grow, and an opportunity to be a little bit better. So I choose transformed. And I hope none of this ever happens to you, but if it does, because it does to everybody, I hope you can make the same choice as well.
Much love.
]]>I have suffered from intermittent bouts of depression since I was in college. Over time, the incidences have typically become shorter and less severe, but it isn’t exactly linear. I’m not a doctor, but all of the time I have spent in contact with this state of being has given me some insight on the nature of the beast, and also some tactics that I can personally vouch for. The following is not medical advice, and should not be considered a substitute for the care of any medical professional. But for those of you interested, here is what I have learned first hand--I hope you find it helpful. And by the way, I’m not going to mention supplements or anything that costs money other than a book in this entire guide. You can research all that stuff on your own.
The first thing to recognize is that feeling depressed is normal. An estimated 16.2 million adults in the United States have had at least one major depressive episode (6.2% of the entire population). Just because you get depressed, it does not mean that you are broken or have a disease. There are some that would like to tell you that every time you get sad it means you are malfunctioning, but they are often scared or have prescription pills in orange bottles they are trying to sell you.
Depression is an important part of the resistance training of the psyche.
It is in pushing through those periods that one builds the strength and resolve to accomplish great things. Abraham Lincoln is a classic example of this. He suffered from severe bouts of what was then called ‘melancholy’ - and guess what? Fighting through those periods of despair was part of what gave him the strength to stand up to injustice and hold strong to his principles.
Does being depressed suck? Yeah it does. But we shouldn’t look at every uncomfortable stretch as a curse. Perhaps your depression and my depression are blessings.
Comfort, after all, is the antagonist of growth.
Part of my impetus for writing this essay at this very moment is that I just barely bounced off the bottom of another stretch of my own depression. Another dive into the depths, and another chance to emerge with a pearl.
So where does my depression come from? I have often pondered this thought, and I believe that I have an answer.
Depression is the exasperation that comes from believing in false premises.
It is a sense of hopelessness, a feeling that the world, and yourself, as you understand them, is broken. But it isn’t the world or yourself that is broken, it is just your understanding that is deluded.
Here are the two most common beliefs that lead to my depression:
1) Something outside of myself is responsible for my happiness.
2) I am responsible for other’s happiness outside of myself.
Ultimately, both of those premises are false. You alone are responsible for your own happiness. Nothing external can validate you, nor can you ever validate anyone else. You can do your best, and others around you can do their best, but ultimately each individual holds the keys to the gates of their own heaven and hell.
Allow that to take the pressure off. It’s not your job to make anyone else happy. And nothing else is possibly capable of making you happy. We think that we can make someone happy, or they can make us happy, but all that anyone can do, yourself included, is create favorable conditions for happiness. It is each individual’s choice whether they are happy or not. Because we have all been in situations where someone is really doing their best to make us happy and we won’t accept it. And vice versa.
So here you are. You can’t let anyone else down, and no one can let you down. So just decide how you want to be from here. If you are still learning from your depression, that’s okay. Keep learning. You don’t have to be happy in this life.
You are not a failure as a person if you are unhappy--it just means that you are currently learning from your sadness.
But if you decide you want to be happy, and you would prefer to learn that way, here are a few steps to help you get there.
1. Stop destructive avoidance patterns.
Drinking, smoking, excessive masturbation, etc. All of these are attempts to cure your depression, but they are ultimately exacerbating the issue. Stop them. Look at your storm head on, and face it.
Here are some great books that might help you break bad habits:
2. Start positive patterns.
Change your state, get in the hot or cold. Dance. Float. Meditate. Surf. Work out. (More on this in the next section).
Here are some great books on starting positive habits:
3. Give to others.
Maybe happiness isn’t going to happen for you right now. But you could do something to help someone else. It doesn’t mean you are responsible for their happiness, it just means that you are doing your best. Take care of their basic needs. Give your spouse a massage. Help your kids with their homework. Help your friend move out of their apartment.
Here is a great resource highlighting the need to give to others:
My heart goes out to any of you who are suffering or who have a loved one suffering. But whether it is you or someone you love, I would ask that you look at depression in a different light. Look at it as a way to learn. Don’t agree with the judgment that it is a disease, or that it is a failure, or that it is shameful. It is simply a way to learn and know the self. Is it a pleasurable way to do it? Hell no. But in some cases, it might just be the only way, or the best way.
If someone around you is depressed, know that it is not your responsibility to pull them out of it before they are ready. Do not rob them of their chance to face the storm and be a hero.
When the affected is ready to try a new way, that new way will present itself. There is a maxim that says “when the student is ready, the teaching appears.”
It’s important to understand that Depression is a condition manifested from two sides: your biology and your psychology. Where the first section is focused on the psychology, this section is a guide to optimizing your biology.
It’s important to understand that depression is a type of human experience, and all human experiences are made up of two parts:
1) The experience itself as created by your nervous system (hardware/biology)
2) The story your conscious mind creates about your experience (software/psychology)
A metaphor that may help is that your experience is like that of a movie-goer. Your nervous system is the machine generating the image, and the moviegoer is like your conscious mind that judges the experience projected on the screen.
Your nervous system is your hardware, and your conscious mind is like software.
(This metaphor breaks down if you’re Yoda or Buddha, but for most of us mortals, this is how our experience unfolds.)
Cognitive Psychologist Donald Hoffman’s TED talk on our perceptual system is a great introduction to this perspective.
The reason this metaphor is important to understand is that, if your movie projector is playing a distorted, glitching, muddled movie, it is going to be very hard for your moviegoer to not want to just leave and ask for a refund. If you clean and optimize your hardware, the movie improves.
There are three critical habits we all can optimize that will improve our hardware. They are Sleep, Diet, and Exercise.
Don’t let the fact that you already know these are healthy habits cause your eyes to glaze over. Knowledge without action is nothing. Each section will explain the habit, what it is doing to help your hardware and a clear path about how to implement these into your life.
Go Hero, Go.
PS. Sometimes our hardware can get so fucking clogged that the idea of even making ourselves food feels impossible. One of the symptoms of acute depressive episodes is a complete lack of energy and motivation. For those who haven’t been depressed, it’s impossible to imagine this state, and it is in this state that even the most anti-prescription health experts will then recommend a prescription. If you find yourself at this state, I’d speak to a doctor familiar with ketamine therapy. Ketamine may not cure your depression, but it might relieve the acute depressive symptoms long enough for you to begin changing the habits to upgrade your hardware. If my depression was persistent enough, I would choose ketamine immediately.
Ketamine Podcast
Ketamine Research Articles
If you doubt for even a moment that sleep is the most important pattern to get right in order to optimize your hardware to sail the sea of your depression, listen to this Joe Rogan podcast with Dr. Matthew Walker. He’s a Cognitive Psychologist who studies sleep. I also wrote extensively about sleep in Own the Day, Own your Life and covered some important info about the value of napping as well.
What
Basically, to keep this guide pragmatic, what is important to know is that sleep regulates the repair of every system in your body. We live in the echo of entropy, and our body is taking damage everyday. These systems are the foundation of your conscious life, and when they get weak, the feelings of Depression grow.
How
These three podcasts are great resources for helping people optimize their sleep:
If the dietary recommendations here offend you, you’re missing the point. There is no one diet that is best for all humans, but there is a specific diet that is bad for all humans. And recent research found that a bad diet, which is any diet that triggers chronic increased inflammation, also directly contributes to feelings of depression.
What
What is now being called the “Inflammatory-Cytokine Model of Depression,” is a relatively recent discovery that a high-inflammation diet directly increases symptoms of depression, and that when severely depressed people move from a SAD diet (Standard American Diet), their depression improves, and in some cases completely vanishes.
Studies:
How
There are many types of diets that will reduce inflammation. The three that we’ll recommend here are:
What if I told you there was an actual miracle drug? It could make you skinny. It could make you sexier. It could build your muscles. It could relieve stress. It helps you live longer. It helps you sleep. It relieves depression. It alleviates pain. It can even help you remember things better. And the kicker? While you can pay for it if you want, you don’t have it. It’s totally free. It’s called exercise.
What
We have evolved to move, to play, to hunt, to fuck -- to use this biological machine daily. And most of us don’t, and one of the signals our depression is sending us, is to use this meat suit we’ve been endowed with. This study has found that regular exercise leads to a 40% reduction in depressive symptoms after 8 weeks. There are dozens and dozens of studies that say the same thing: move your body, improve your brain.
How
It can truly be as simple as walking for 30 minutes a day, playing catch with a friend, or swimming at a local pool. Especially when your goal is to help your depression, do not overthink how or what. Simply do. Move your body. Dance. Play. Sweat. You will experience the miracle of this drug.
For more details, you can follow the workout from Own The Day, featured here.
It’s important to forgive yourself. Sometimes your hardware is in such desperate need of tuning and repair that Depression feels impossible to overcome.
If you can hone these three habits, you will dramatically add to your capacity to dance with your depression and extract the pearl from the depths. Go with love, with heart, do not go gently into that dark night.
The reality is, sex and reproduction are at the core of what it means to be human. To incentivize it, to make sure we do it and propagate the species, is it any wonder that we’ve evolved so that sex makes our bodies and our minds feel so great? We’re designed to do the deed, to like the deed; now we just need to rediscover the desire to do more of it and do it better.
What
We are literally designed, from our physiology to our psychology, to maximize our chances of having sex. Depression, on some level, is a reflection from our bio-machine that we are not maximizing our potential to procreate. When you find yourself in the warm embrace of a lover, or as you are reaching the peak of a climax, depression cannot co-exist in that space. Love, and it’s physical expression as sex, is the ultimate dispeller of depression.
How
I cover the ‘How’ of sex in Own The Day, and what I wrote there will be more thorough than anything I can provide here. Nonetheless here are some gems I should reiterate. First, the number one thing you can start doing today that will dramatically increase your potential for having more sex is to be authentic. This means to be aware and to be honest, with yourself and others. Don’t try to be something you are not. People are experts at smelling bullshit, and nothing quite like the smell of shit will evaporate your procreative prospects faster. Second, you will probably have a lot more sex as you work on yourself in all the ways outlined in this guide.
Depression is a Dragon best slayed with allies. This section is where you will find your allies. My team will constantly update and hone this resource section to best aid each of you on your hero’s journey through Depression. Good luck and good love.
Jordan Peterson is a clinical psychologist and thousands of people have sent him emails and letters telling him that this lecture series changed their lives, helped them through depression, suicide, and addiction. I could not recommend it more highly.
This is Jordan Peterson’s more advanced lecture series that deals more with philosophy and neuroscience, but if you found the previous lecture series useful and you want more, I would offer this as the next step in your journey.
Victor Frankl was a psychiatrist who ended up in the worst concentration camps in Europe during World War Two. While amidst one of the cruelest and most savage environments we can image, Frankl wrote this book in his mind, and when he published it, it changed the world. It is one of the most recommend books I see everywhere, and it will give you strength, that if this man could endure this, we all can endure our dark night of the soul.
I sincerely put everything I had into creating Own The Day, and this video series is an overview of all the best habits I know and use to manage my depression.
Robert Sapolsky is one of the clearest thinking Scientific Materialists I know of, and it’s good to see how someone like him views depression. For the first 38 minutes, he focuses on the Hardware piece of Depression, from minute 39 till the end, he gets into the Software. This is one of the most popular lectures about Depression on the internet.
Andrew Solomon is a Pulitzer Prize-Finalist who wrote about depression. In this TED talk, he describes the experience of Depression more accurately than almost any other resource I’ve ever found. There is a sense of healing when we find others who share the experience we have, and watching this talk may provide you that.
Co-Written by Erick Godsey
]]>There are more lights, fires, music, nudity, and recreational drugs than probably anywhere in the world. How could that be hard? And yet at some point Burning Man breaks almost everyone. Especially those in relationships...Enter your email below to read the Full Recap Newsletter.
Reading is one of the fastest ways to level up your life. But sometimes it is hard to get into the zone. You can finish a whole page and then think to yourself "wait, what the hell did I just read?" That happens when your brain is in an active beta state brainwave, which makes it really difficult to focus. Audio wizard Cory Allen helped me put together some binaural beats which help to entrain the brain to more optimal brainwave patterns for reading, writing, and retaining knowledge.
Enter your email below to get one of my favorite tracks for free. Download and get your learn on! If you dig, check out the rest of the beats we have up for sale on the site.
🌵Deep reconciliation work with my shadow today, figuring out that it isn’t my shadow. It’s all me.
🌵The angel and demon are one. No separation, just different aspects of god, different expressions at different octaves.
🌵Every human animal is a fucking tribal savage. We cage that aspect, we tranquilize it, we deny it. But we must all acknowledge and reconcile it, or we will become very sick. So how do you channel it? We have a choice. War or dance? Violence or music? Train it like a stallion, lunge it, but don’t give it the reins. A loving but firm hand.
🌵I can’t lose! I can only win in ways I didn’t expect; through the teachings of failure.
🌵Ayahuasca tells, Huachuma asks.
🌵Where there is desire, there is fear. Fear of the desire being unmet. Faith can supplant fear. Abundance is faith embodied. So I may desire, but just need to hold faith that my desires will be met. And to the extent I have faith, I will be in abundance, and not have fear. The other option is to rid myself of desire, which sounds terribly boring to me.
🌵PLAY! Sing the song of the Earth, in this the Golden Age.
🌵I snuggle into thoughts of sexual fantasy as an escape from discomfort in unreconciled reality.
🌵To be in my soul is not a trying, but a being.
🌵What you fear draws near.
🌵The secret of the garden of Eden is that nothing is forbidden.
🌵Complaining draws people away from the kingdom of heaven, expressing the joy of being in the kingdom allows other people to see it.
🌵Don’t stress, Body of mine, the mother will provide.
🌵If I’m manipulating, even through acts of kindness, then I am denying free will and full agency. I have to get to radical truth, and be at peace losing everything. I must move from the known, to discover what might be.
🌵I feel myself disintegrating into the All. The needs of my small self no longer feel important right now. I am able fill my cup from the great Cup. It scares me a little. It’s okay, let it happen. Breathe. You don’t have to give up ordinary life, you just have to know it is your controlled folly.
🌵Am I happy? Yes, I am the happiness of the world. And the sadness too.
🌵Neither king nor fool is happiest in this game. But they play the role they are given with heart, for they can be nothing other than who they are.
]]>Or maybe something just happened. You found out your lover is with someone else. You are in that place where you feel small, claustrophobic, like you were a magician’s assistant stuck in a tiny basket. And then there are the swords… Stabbing through your stomach, filling your body with butterflies from hell. Or are they moths? Full size electric Mothras. You want to get out, just run away, but you don’t know where to go…
You might have just found yourself in open relationship.
Whatever the reason, this 14 step guide and emergency help manual will be an ally to you along the way.
Ingredients:
Instructions
In the Pantheon of the great plant medicine teachers, none are perhaps as underappreciated as Huachuma. More commonly known as San Pedro, this mescaline containing psychedelic tea brewed from the San Pedro cactus has powerful visionary and serotonergic effects.
But the reason why it isn’t a part of the casual psychonaut’s lexicon, is that the traditional practice of how to prepare the plant and offer ceremony has been all but forgotten.
The result is an often mild, nauseating brew in a somewhat unfocused ceremonial setting. That is a far cry from the Grandfather plant I have been privileged to learn from.
The Huachuma tradition began in ancient Chavin, some 4000 years ago. This lineage that was long forgotten to the annals of history was revived by Don Howard Lawler, who brought the art of the Huachuma Mesada back to its highest form. The following are three great resources for learning more about Huachuma and the ceremony that unlocks it’s true healing potential.
Mitch Schultz, director of DMT: The Spirit Molecule, invites you to join this 45 minute excursion deep into the heart of the Peruvian rainforest to experience the magic of the 3000 year old plant medicine: Huachuma. Distilled in the lost tradition from the San Pedro cactus by the last master Huachumero, Don Howard Lawler, Huachuma was the sacrament that formed the foundation for pre-Incan civilization, the Chavin. Follow Aubrey Marcus (founder of Onnit) and a group of friends in this moving meditation that reveals the true transformative power of this sacred technology.
Through many journeys and many teachers, I have never shared a relationship quite as special as my bond with Peruvian shaman I often lovingly refer to as Gandalf: Don Howard, of Spiritquest Sanctuary. His life’s work has kept alive the spirit of the ancient South American culture, Chavin, and it's traditions, such as the Huachuma Mesada: a transformative plant medicine ceremony that he graciously unpacks in this rare interview during an equally rare visit to the US after spending most of many decades in the Amazon jungle.
Don Howard explains how the path of service took him from a boy in Georgia with a calling, to one of the great shamans of our time. He walks us through his approach to ceremony, plant technologies ayahuasca, huachuma, and vilca, and what he believes we can do to spread the healing and awareness that can save our world.
I traveled to the Peruvian jungle to experience the 4000 year old consciousness technology of the Chavin people. What I encountered went far beyond anything I could have imagined. Recounted here is the daily log of my journey which takes me beyond fearlessness, through my own death, and into alignment with my mission: Para el bien de todos.
]]>I’ve been in an open relationship with my fiance Whitney Miller for over 4 years, and still, jealousy is a dragon that needs to be slain daily. When ‘open’ is simply an idea in your head, you think to yourself, “I’ve got this, no big deal.” Then when the person you love most - the person whose smile is precious to you, whose smells are like your private garden of blooming flowers - starts texting, dining, traveling, and fucking someone else, you realize...
“...Maybe I don’t got this.”
The first time it happens it might be days of agony. The feeling hits you so hard you don’t know whether to vomit or cry, curl up in a ball or start sprinting up a mountain. You may try to find the way out by building up your own ego. It starts like this, “Well I’m better than the other lover because…” And sometimes that will work...for a while. It’s like drinking scotch to help you grieve the death of a loved one, or using a crutch to help you keep the weight off a broken bone. But inevitably that crutch will fail. Your lover will find someone who is better than you at whatever your ego uses to validate itself. Maybe it is being a great lover. Maybe it is making money. Maybe it is popularity or accomplishment.
The only thing that your lover won’t ever find someone better at, though, is being you. You will always be the very best you that anyone can be. So you learn to trust that.
You learn that your worth isn’t dependent on any of your attributes and that you don’t need anything external to validate you. You learn that you are worthy of love, just because you are alive.
Once you’ve understood that (which isn’t easy, trust me) then you can start overcoming your jealousy with compersion. Compersion is the enjoyment of someone else’s enjoyment. This isn’t cuckolding, where you are getting sexual pleasure from the fantasy of your lover having sex with someone else. This is emotional pleasure, derived simply from their pleasure (be it sexual or not). It is the basis of real Love. If you love someone, you are happy that they are laughing, even when it isn’t your joke. You are happy that they are orgasming, even if it isn’t your body that is making them cum. It is rooted in the deepest metaphysical and mystical truth that we are all the same person, living different lives. Compersion is the only way out of the maze of jealousy and suffering.
Recently my fiance found a lover who was extremely challenging for me to accept. Every time I would think of them having sex, I would get cold sweat on my brow, and an electric eel lighting up my stomach. To help practice compersion, I had to visualize heart emojis coming from my own heart, just like on Instagram or Facebook Live, when I imagined them having sex. Every bit of pleasure they received -every spank, every thrust, every moan- I gave them more heart emojis. It worked. The suffering left my body, and the cold sweat turned into a quiet, stable peace. So you see, the only way to slay the dragon of jealousy is with love.
Open relationship isn’t about having sex with a lot of people. If you get into it for that, you are going to fail.
It’s about figuring out how to love yourself without condition, and how to love others without possession. If that is the goal, and you are prepared to meet your shadows with love and forgiveness, being open just might be for you.
For more on open relationship, check my open relationship resource page, here.
]]>I’ve put together this resource page for anyone who is curious about open relationship, or thinks they might want to give ‘open’ a try.
The journey starts for me with the book Sex at Dawn by Chris Ryan. Without this book, I wouldn’t understand the biological imperatives that underpin the sexuality of the process. But this is just background research. The real work happens in the heart.
The most comprehensive podcast I’ve done on the subject to date was with Ari Shaffir. It’s two hours of real talk on what it’s like to be in an open relationship. I also recorded a podcast with Whitney, though I feel that we are due to update the topic sometime fairly soon, as every month in an open relationship feels like a year of growth and challenge.
Galore magazine has done two features on us being in an open relationship. The first of which was a very comprehensive overview. The second of which covers some more of the brass tacks and specifics of how it works.
Lastly, I recently wrote a piece on how to handle the jealousy that arises in an open relationship.
I am not an advocate for anyone being in an open relationship. It is a challenging way to learn about Love, learn about the self, and it is not for everyone.
But the rewards have been immense for me. I just try to speak as honestly as I can about the subject and hopefully that helps some people out.
I’ve been fortunate to experience both of these medicines in both the clinical and shamanistic context. Experientially they are quite different, and so are the results. The following infographic explains the most current status of medical research on both psilocybin and MDMA.
I traveled to the Peruvian jungle to experience the 4000 year old consciousness technology of the Chavin people. What I encountered went far beyond anything I could have imagined. Recounted here is the daily log of my journey which takes me beyond fearlessness, through my own death, and into alignment with my mission: Para el bien de todos.
I woke up after a sleepless night in Lima at 6:15am. The smell in the air and the familiar breakfast tickles the neurons storing the memory of my past Peruvian adventures. But I am exhausted. I have slept only a handful of hours in the last three days, the result of a gut-busting sprint to get my affairs in order before unfettering my consciousness to explore the cosmos. Certainly the separation from my beautiful life partner of two years didn't help matters either. We wrap breakfast and I am acutely aware that despite being defacto leader of this band of heroes, including my spiritual brother and mentor Dr. Dan Engle, I am the most in need of the experience we are about to undertake.
I straggle through the airport, managing a smile at the strange beaurocracy of things in Peru as I am shuffled from one walkway to another one, for no sensible reason at all. The flights take place without incident though despite extreme fatigue I was only able to nod off for a few moments. My shoulders are so wound up from stress my neck fatigues quickly even on the best neck-pillow my crisp Greenbacks could buy.
We arrive in Iquitos, and the foreign yet familiar sight of a jungle airport greets me. Outside of the baggage, we are met by Don Howard – Our Shaman and guide for the experience. Don Howard is a kind and warm spirited man, with white flowing hair and a smile that belays his 50 years of service to the spirit of the plant medicines. Mitch Schultz, director of DMT The Spirit Molecule also joins us along with his ace camera operator who will be documenting the experience. Rounding out the crew is Dan’s sister Megan, a fairy spirit in human costume, and the great extreme adventurer Donald Schultz who will be manning a camera. We hop in a taxi and start the trek to the retreat center.
Don Howard - Choque Chinchay
After seemingly an hour of driving through an angry swarm of motorbikes and Tuk Tuks as they would be called in Thailand, we arrive at the boat that will liberate us from the jungle of developing capitalism and deliver us to green bosom of Eden.
The boat ride is refreshing and peaceful, very unlike the raucous waters in the upper amazon that I imagined to be teeming with scales and gnashing teeth. I discuss the nature of Huachuma (San Pedro) with Don Howard, and soak up his deep reverence for the work. We arrive at the center and the welcome sight of complete serenity. However despite the tranquility and abounding water, the heat is sweltering at mid day and not a fart of breeze cuts through the moist blanket of air. We meet the radiant faces of the rest of the group, fresh off an Ayahuasca dieta. I am quiet, unable to shake the heaviness of fatigue and stress that clings to me like wet wool. Nonetheless my mind is clear and my intention is peaceful.
It is not until later at dinner that I face my first test. One of the guests casually mentions that two people he knows have contracted malaria while working at this very center. I was aware of the potential risk in coming during the rainy season, but this information cuts deep into my fear center. I battle the panic growing in me-- screaming for me to get up from the table, douse in bug spray like a sinner in holy water and plan the next flight out. This is a test of my resolve.
In every great story the protagonist must be willing to face adversity. The fear of psychic death no longer stirs me, but the fear of suffering a slow and protracted illness is an open nerve. Am I willing to do what it takes for my highest self? Am I willing to commit to what I have started, for the sake of my life mission? All I can do right now is take a deep breath. (Breathing deeply). And say the words – I am.
“A deep sense of loneliness has fallen over me, accompanied by a feeling of powerlessness that extends far beyond humility. I am impossibly small in this world, and acutely aware of how disjointed I feel from the environment. Lathered in essential oils to keep away the bugs, sweating profusely from the humidity, I feel truly at odds with nature.”
As I lay in bed the words from Jeremy Narby in “Intelligence in Nature” go through my head; “The Jungle plays loud at night.” It is not only the sound of the cicadas and the passing thunderstorms but the volume of my own mind. There is an old aphorism that the work with a medicine plant begins as soon as you set your intent to experience it. I can feel that happening now. A deep sense of loneliness has fallen over me, accompanied by a feeling of powerlessness that extends far beyond humility. I am impossibly small in this environment, and acutely aware of how disjointed I feel from the environment. Lathered in essential oils to keep away the bugs, sweating profusely from the humidity, I feel truly at odds with nature.
I force my eyes to stay closed, and focus on my breathing. I whisper thanks to my dear friend and ally Porangui for helping me deepen my connection to breath. I visualize my breath traveling down the front of my body, expanding my lower abdomen and recycling up my spine and out the top of my head. Fleeting visions float through the emptiness in perception, too ephemeral to grab. Then something pops into my head, like a whisper from a divine ally. “Trust the mud”. “Trust the mud.” With that final thought I drift off into another restless but persistent sleep.
Morning comes and I groggily make my way over to the breakfast area for my last meal of the day. Today is our first ceremony, our first Mesada. I am ready. I am more than ready. The familiar feeling of nervous anticipation before a medicine journey is markedly absent. Just as when you are truly sick there is no fear of the needle prick when blood is drawn, I am not anxious in the slightest. It has been two years since my last serious medicine work, and I am carrying the weight of a beautiful but heavy climb. I need this.
To give words to the indescribable and condense to a page a lifetime lived in a single day. That is the task of this Huachuma mesada initiate, and I will do my best to keep my clumsy words out of the way of the truth of it!
The Grandfather medicine, a 4000 year old Chavin tradition, kept alive by one of the last living medicine keepers, the embodiment of Grandfather energy. We enter the Mesada maloka, a towering hut in the jungle with a sprawling alter in the shape of an Andes cross. Skulls of medicine men and jaguars mix with the sacred whistling vessels of the coast, some of the earliest ‘consciousness technology’ still actively preserved. The feeling of anticipation I thought I wasn’t going to feel, rushes through me as I realize that this is different than any medicine I have encountered. But more than nerves, I am excited. After a few opening words Don Howard makes eye contact with each of our circle, before pouring a unique amount of Huachuma, a thin ruddy liquid, into a communal cup from the annals of antiquity. When he looks over at me, I can’t help but give him a huge smile, beaming from my heart. He smiles with the wisdom of millennia and pours. Then he pours some more. In front of me is a full cup, a seeming 6-8 oz. I steady myself at the altar and then in 5 or 6 huge gulps I drain the surprisingly mellow liquid into my stomach cavity.
Then, casually, without unnecessary production or theatre he asks that we gather our things for a boat ride and a hike into a jungle. We are going to deliver some mosquito nets to an indigenous tribe some 45 minutes up river.
“WHAT!” Now I really know we are in for something different. I assumed that this meant this might be a mild medicine. Wrong.
As a chatty group gathered on the landing of the boat docks, Dr. Dan noted to Don Howard that this was a very social medicine. He smiled kindly and said with ominous benevolence “For now. But there are many phases. It is a lifetime lived in a single day.”
“I was radiating like a luminescent lightning bug. Coils of what can only be described as orgasmic energy spiraled up and down my spine. As an experienced psychonaut this was somewhere in the realm of psilocybin meets the mother load of the purest MDMA on the planet.”
I didn’t really understand what that meant, but during the canoe ride I noted alternating waves of nausea and a tickling energetic euphoria creeping over me. By the time we docked on an indiscriminate muddy slope, I was radiating like a luminescent lightning bug. Coils of what can only be described as orgasmic energy spiraled up and down my spine. As an experienced psychonaut this was somewhere in the realm of psilocybin meets the mother load of the purest MDMA on the planet. My breath was light and free, laughter was effortless and every second was an eternity of present moments.
The first scouts we encountered on our friendly invasion were a few bare chested children in brown skirts with happy eyes. Their lively animated spirits fit perfectly with the mood of the group. There were no adults and children any more, there were just playful spirits. We made our way to a hut where the tribe displayed some of their hand made crafts that we could purchase to support their livelihood.
40 year old kids continued to play with the 4 year old kids, and the rest of us alternated between uncontrollable hilarity, and trying to shop while pretending we weren’t having an energetic orgasm. I don’t think we did a very good job pretending!
All my old fears and concerns weren’t solved, they were just meaningless. I understood that my anxiety of ‘the mud’ the malaria and the mosquitos and the bugs, were just me failing to realize that I was the mud too! Those organisms are in me and around me like the water itself, and while sometimes they may get out of balance, the body can find ways to bring the harmony back, as long as it is conscious. I remember receiving a small jungle banana, and it was a feast worthy of a king. The embrace of an old friend had the electricity of the touch of a new lover. If someone would have dropped a solid beat, ecstatic dance was a in the aether. After hours that felt like a joyful millennia, we packed back up into the canoe to travel the rivers home at dusk.
And so the medicine began to change. The reflections on the water blended into the empty spaces of tree and sky and it felt as if we were floating along the divide between water and air. It was a visual metaphor of the principle of non-duality. From that vantage of the canoe, the perspective of spirit, there was no real difference between the elemental forces. And yet from the perspective of life there was indeed a difference. A phrase got stuck in my head, that I’m not even sure I understand fully yet. I kept saying over and over to myself, ‘Life is the ecstasy of dichotomy.’
Visions of teeming creation, with tickling flagella and centipede fibers filled my closed eyed visions, morphing slowly into a luscious, seductive understanding of the feminine. Slippery, moist, fleshy, barbed, pungent… One moment I would be following the skin and tentacles of an octopus and the next amber eyed women with long venomous nails would beckon me in with a lascivious smile. This was the polarity of the masculine. This is our eternal compliment, that which is irresistible to both man and spirit.
When we arrive an hour later at our dock, I realized we had been silent for an hour when my friend Daniel commented “That was like the best sex I’ve ever had.”
Our laughter broke the enchanting spell.
Upon returning to the Mesada maloka, the ceremonial hut – a tempestuous tranquility had settled over the group. As we waited for a few stragglers, some of whom were purging violently, it occurred to me that I would like to smoke some Mapacho. Mapacho is like a humongous joint you smoke like a cigar that is rolled with fresh native tobacco, of a different species than what we cultivate in North America. I had an intense feeling that I couldn’t just grab the mapacho without giving something back to the altar so I dug through my bag. I found a cinnamon stick I use for incense. This was a fair offering. I placed the cinnamon stick on the altar and retrieved my jungle cigar. My next challenge was that I needed to light the mapacho. There were ample candles on the altar, but somehow once again I felt compelled to offer some form of reciprocity for taking the fire. As clear as if it was a human voice, the altar responded “We give you fire, you give us smoke.” Seems like an even trade. I asked permission and lit part of the mapacho on a candle to my left and took my first puff of smoke. It was incredibly satisfying. Without thinking at all I went to light the stick further from a different candle and inexplicably the smoke rose right into my eyes, stinging aggressively. The voice returned, “Even when it is fair, remember to ask permission. And if you have nothing tangible to give, your gratitude is enough.”
The Mesada just gave me my first lesson in the principle of reciprocity.
As Don Howard once again took up the center of the room, I couldn’t help but look on with admiration at the impeccability of his wisdom, character and intent. I had never known either Grandfather in my life, both of them having died before I was born, so I never really understood the sacred Grandfather energy. I had always felt that I was smarter than the older generation, and I could catch myself trying to manage the situation internally. But there was a much deeper wisdom in Don Howard than I possessed, and he understood the way of things in a way that I couldn’t comprehend. Every item in the altar had a place, just like every tradition he was keeping alive. He made a little joke to ease the tension, as comfortable in these magical waters as a dolphin in the sea. We each rose to take a turn blowing the harmonious whistling vessels of coastal Peru, and though the whistle I chose was modest in form, it carried the highest note of the cacophony. There was a lesson in that too I suppose.
The last part of the formal ceremony was involving a liquid snuff preparation, poured into a hollow end of a stake called a cingato. I hopped up first to give it a try and Don Howard explained the idea was to snort the liquid in each nostril then hang on to the stake for the ride to come. He called the liquid clarity, but it burned like holy fire. As the pain subsided I cast my eyes over the altar and up to the heavens. On the stake was depicted the union of masculine and feminine, and beneath it, a heart. I realized only the lightest touch was needed to keep the point of the stake in balance. I told the mesada that I would protect it. It whispered back that it would protect me as well.
We closed the ceremony and prepared for a feast. By this point I could still feel the relentless coils of energy, but the visions had ceased enough to manage two plates of food. We sat for hours and listened to stories of Don Howard’s youth. An early test from a beautiful enchantress, the social order of the Chavin and the rise of the Inka nation.
When I returned to my room, the most challenging part of the medicine had come. The comfortable rush was gone, and I felt a frantic anxiety grasping for some semblance of order. I tweaked a muscle in my neck straining to stretch, then chastised myself for the foolishness. Why do we always push so hard when the lightest touch is necessary? In the end, I was able to surrender to sleep. A final lesson in Trust.
Morning breaks on day 3 and a tentative but airy peace persists. I am looking forward to a day of quiet integration as the rain falls slowly in melodic drops around me.
It was a long night of clammy sweat, as my body is going through some gnarly detox symptoms. No sugar, no dairy, no wheat and powerful plant medicine is a strong cleanse. Nonetheless, I’m looking forward to another encounter today with the great teachers - Huachuma and the Mesada.
“Tension builds in certain chords of identity with little observable change. With fishing hooks em- bedded in your psychic sternum, you are fettered like an anchor line on a hot air balloon. As you increase momentum the stress on these anchors builds and the ropes begin to fray. You are no longer satisfied with your level of consciousness, or the actualiza- tion of your potential.”
The path with heart is not a linear progression. Tension builds in certain chords of identity with little observable change. With fishing hooks embedded in your psychic sternum, you are fettered like an anchor line on a hot air balloon. As you increase momentum the stress on these anchors builds and the ropes begin to fray. You are no longer satisfied with your level of consciousness, or the actualization of your potential. At this point one of two things happen. You can turn down the fire, and settle in to a more comfortable elevation where the pain of those hooks is less restrictive. Then you find ways to numb the sadness-- drugs, alcohol, distraction, anger, and masturbation (including ego masturbation with a carousel of new sex partners). Or alternatively you cut the chains, turn up the burner and test the heights possible for your spirit.
Of all the medicines I have done, Huachuma has been the most challenging and the most rewarding. To describe what is happening right now internally is flirting with making mundane a sacred personal process. But I am committed to the greatest good. “Para el bien de todos” is the spirit of Chavin, the origin of the Huachuma Mesada.
As we sat in the ceremonial circle prepared to receive the cup that would launch us into the Earth Mesada, the thought of drinking the brew was almost incomprehensible. I watched everyone go in front of me, and found myself gagging involuntarily. Nothing puts a damper on a ceremony like projectile vomiting over the sacred mesa! When the friendly wizard Don Howard turned his gaze to me, I couldn’t help but break into another smile. There was no turning back.
It was horrible, as expected. My body desperately wanted to reject it, but I warriored it down. I sat back into my place and settled into a trance of anticipatory peace. Then it was once again time to gather our things and head to the boats.
On a scale of the most challenging boat rides I have ever been on, this was a 10, topping the previous record of a fishing adventure in Fiji that turned into a seven hour roller coaster on stormy seas. The nausea was almost unbearable, and the sense of ecstatic warmth that accompanied the feeling in the Water Mesada was notably absent. Not only that, but spray from the brown Amazon river teeming with Protozoa I had cataloged from a few episodes of “Monsters Inside Me” hit the wind at just the right angle to completely douse my face. I might have tried to puke over the side, but surely a full gulp of the water would have been my reward. So I sealed my lips tight and closed my eyes. I don’t know if any parasite monsters like eyeballs but I tried to keep my eyes shut as well. That didn’t help the nausea. So for 45 minutes I held on in full facial lockdown. Nothing coming in, nothing coming out. After passing by the other side of Iquitos we arrived at the landing site and were greeted this time not by a friendly child but a group of pigs and rotting noni fruit on the ground. Have you ever smelled rotten noni? If not, imagine vomiting a cheese fondue feast and then putting it in the microwave to release full aroma.
As the mosquitos nipped at us, we started a trek through the forest. I began to notice that many of the others were entering states of relative peace and elation. I was just miserable. Because of my pain I noticed I had very little empathy or care for the environment around me. This was my first great lesson.
“When we suffer, joy and empathy become boarded shut like windows in the ghetto. We care about ourselves alone, and simply seek a respite from the anguish. Fear, the thought of future pain, operates on the same mechanism.”
Too many of us are suffering. When we suffer, joy and empathy become boarded shut like windows in the ghetto. We care about ourselves alone, and simply seek a respite from the anguish. Fear, the thought of future pain, operates on the same mechanism. I begrudgingly thanked the medicine for the lesson, but it didn’t really change much in my mind. It was one foot in front of the other on a long muggy trek. Finally we make it to a clearing where we are greeted by the friendly shining faces of another indigenous tribe.
My companions were oozing with elation. Megan, a blissful soul, who is two wings short of a woodland fairy and one flipper short of being the Little Mermaid was off in the deep woods exploring the earth, making friends and finding treasures. I shifted from side to side nervously, trying to keep the mosquitos from landing.
But one thing kept going through my head, ‘just trust’. It was the primary lesson from my last journey. The tribe brought out some fruit, and I managed a bit of a bite. I succeeded and was greeted with the sweet and sour succor of a jungle pear fruit. I set it down though, nervous about how it was washed. Fear with a capital F was running rampant.
As time wore on in the jungle I felt increasingly like an alien compared to my mud-loving companions. The warm feelings were still largely absent but at least the nausea was subsiding. I found a tree with an enticing wedge about 5 feet up. I had a strong urge to climb it. But on a nearby nook was a menacing looking spider with long knuckly legs. I backed away. But something told me I should climb it. I needed to climb it. It felt like a test. I navigated my strategy for almost 10 minutes, and then in one heave I launched myself up. It required minimal effort and I was 5 feet up into the canopy. At that point my first shift had begun. I had passed a test.
The difference between Huachuma and any other medicine is that it is an active teacher. It gives you wisdom and then immediately requires you to put it into action. When you do, you are rewarded. When you do not, you are punished. It is the stern love of a father. I felt the growing sense that what was happening was a rite of passage. We walked back up to the clearing where the natives had gathered in their traditional finest to join us in some dance. Their bare feet slapped on the moist clay of the ground, and their shiny voices echoed to the heavens. I wanted to take my shoes off, unbutton my shirt off and jump in with them.
But I didn’t. I was worried about the mosquitos biting my feet. I ended up getting drug into the circle, but I never took off my shoes to feel the earth beneath me. I failed that test. I knew I failed it, but it wasn’t until later that I realized that the mosquitos had been biting me through the vents in my shoes anyway that I really knew I blew it. But as a good father would, I was shown love even after my failure. One of the cutest, most radiant children in the tribe came over to give me a hug. She had a couple of handmade bracelets for sale, and I bought them both.
We said goodbye to the tribe, and to be honest I was thankful. I got barely a passing score on the heart of the jungle test, but I had learned some lessons, and got out alive. By the time we were packed back in the motor canoe, it was dusk. I put on my headphones and buried my head in my hands. That was when the visions came.
“Her hair was the desert, her heart was the magnetic core, her loins were the jungle. Machines drew out her blood like a macabre surgeon, spilling petroleum into the fire, and plastics melted in caustic piles on her skin.”
I saw a demonic silhouette, surrounded by a dozen fires. My reaction was to open my eyes, look at the river, dispel his image. But I had enough experience in visionary waters to know I needed to see this through to the other side or it would haunt me forever. The demonic face left and in its stead was the presence of the Earth mother, or Pachamama as the locals would say. She was kind, wise, loving, and powerful. Her hair was the desert, her heart was the magnetic core, her loins were the jungle. Machines drew out her blood like a macabre surgeon, spilling petroleum into the fire, and plastics melted in caustic piles on her skin. Her breath was filled with choking smog, and she looked up at me with a sorrowful face. It brings me to tears right now even writing about it. I asked her how I could help. She showed me very clearly what I needed to do.
I saw a bunch of people like automotons, unaware of their actions, aimlessly wandering about like wind-up toys. When I touched them white lights turned on in their heads. And then when they touched someone white lights turned on in their heads respectively. It was creating a domino ripple. Finally the whole world was covered with these enlightened beings, who all sat down cross legged together. She whispered the words to me, “We do not have an environmental crisis, we have a consciousness crisis. You focus on the consciousness, and I’ll handle the rest.” There was a power in her voice that left me no doubt that she was going to handle her part of the agreement. I swore a solemn vow that I would do my best own up to mine. She smiled subtly, and departed. The concept reminded me of something that my friend Amber Lyon told me. “In order to spread light, you can’t just try to bring awareness to the darkness, you have to be the light.” The cockroaches will always find a way to scurry away until you dry up the source. And the source is ego, suffering, and unconsciousness.
We arrived at the docks. Still reeling from the vision I did my best to clean up before the candle lit night ceremony in the maloka. The water pressure was out, so I had to take a soapless cowboy shower.
Once inside the maloka, the inner warmth I had remembered from previous nights had returned. Don Howard was quiet. Everyone was quiet. He was gathering strength. He pulled his chair a few inches closer to the beaming embodiment of youth, bliss and femininity, Megan. He didn’t look over at her, he just sat still. Watching them sitting there I knew that if they were in charge of everything in the cosmos, all would be right. I beamed a smile, imaging that world where I could lay down my sword, and spend a lifetime swimming, dancing and making love. There would be no need for the warrior, unless he wanted to play. But that is not our world. And I have a vow to keep.
Have you ever wondered what it would have been like to know Gandalf? To sit and hear his stories and watch him perform his white magic? I can tell you what that is like. One by one or in pairs he called us up to the mesa, whispering a few words laced with his ever-present humor, to perform his most sacred healing rights. With feather, rattles and mapacho, I saw him do the things that one reads of only in the story books. I watched Dan and Megan form an eternal bond of protection and balance that would span for infinite lifetimes.
I watched the visceral shedding of a brother’s ego. I watched the darkness of depression lift from the soul of a beautiful Scandanavian goddess. And when it was my turn, I walked up and faced the Mesada where he said something that I will never forget.
“You are pure Chavin brother, heart to heart.” He fluttered his feather over my chest, and the shell on my heart begun to crack. My breast started to fill with love and rise to the heavens. My heart kept rising as the rhythm of the feather and the rattles kept building. The warm pressure of smoke and the breath of intention seemed to penetrate through my back even as it seeped around my arms. Finally my chest had risen so high that I had to turn my gaze upwards. The rattling ceased, and I stood there in front of the great spirit, with an ancient but timeless message. Lead from the heart.
I am one day old today. And for having died last night I feel pretty good all in all. The second cup of jungle coffee this morning was a questionable decision, but as soon as my head stops swimming I’m sure I’ll be no worse for wear!
Where do I begin…
It all started with the mischievous smile of Gandalf, who poured me a cup brimming to the top with Huachuma. It ended with me snorting a compound called Willka a natural N,N DMT, Bufotenin and 5-MEO DMT combination out of a knuckle bone snuffing tube from Chavin that was used for this very purpose over 3,500 years ago.
That’s when I crossed over to the other side, held my Grandmother’s hand and then returned to my body as a better human being. Heraclitus said “No man ever steps into the same river twice, for it is not the same river, and he is not the same man.” While that is sentiment is true, I can even more confidently say that no man ever does the Huachuma Mesada twice, for it is not the same Mesada, and he is not the same man.
“Of all the great medicine teachers – Ayahuasca, Iboga, Psilocybin, DMT, MDMA there have been none as powerful and transformative as the combination of Huachuma and Willka.”
Of all the great medicine teachers– Ayahuasca, Iboga, Psilocybin, DMT, MDMA there have been none as powerful and transformative as the combination of Huachuma and Willka. So now my task is to put words to the ineffable!
After imbibing a brimming cup of Huachuma we gathered outside to prepare for a long hike on the 200 acres of protected rainforest here at the BioPark. I played a few tunes on my flute while we waited, pushing through the self-consciousness of my newly acquired musicality. My companions were very sweet with their compliments, but I knew that the intention was a lot better than the quality of the sound!
Even though I had taken almost double the amount of medicine from the previous Earth mesada (which was the hardest medicine journey I have ever taken) I buzzed with confidence as the energy started to rise. I vowed I was going to pass all of the tests that Huachuma presented this day. I told myself I wasn’t going to get nauseous. So far, no nausea, and then the first test was only 5 minutes into the hike.
A 4 inch, jet black jungle millipede with a hundred spindly legs was crawling along the trail. I pointed it out and our native guide picked it up. For anyone who knows me I respect the creepers, but I HATE touching them. Except I knew this was a test. Well shit. I extended my own hand to allow it to crawl on me. I didn’t flinch, I wasn’t afraid. Its legs tickled my skin and I let it crawl up my arm before Dan put his hand out to partake in the experience. Immediately I felt a warm oxytocin rush as my cosmic Grandfather Huachuma smiled and gave me an ‘atta boy!’
The second test came in the form of another cacao pod that had materialized. Freshly split open, the embryonic cacao seeds were covered in a sweet filmy placenta and my hands were anything but clean. I ran my fingers under a quick splash of water and dug my digits into the Avatar fruit. I scooped it, plopped it in my mouth and chomped down on the Mother’s bittersweet treat. The theobromine, electrolytes, and antioxidants were received were like a surprise birthday party for my tastebuds, and danced nicely with the Huachuma. I had passed the second test.
At this point I become aware of the theme that was to take form over the course of the day. Life is a series of choices. We have the ability to choose for better or worse, and there is not necessarily one right choice. There are just a million different options—it is our sacred power to shape our reality. As we continued our long march to the sky deck, the snake whisperer Donald Schultz spotted the tail of a snake. He identified it as non-venomous and seized it with a lightning strike, pulling it from the brush. Incredibly, in the snake’s mouth 8 inches deep in the gullet (with 16 inches of the tail still dangling), was one of the deadliest vipers in South America. Donald released the snake so that it wouldn’t regurgitate his deadly feast. The symbolism of this was not lost on the group.
As dusk started to pull its cotton blanket over the sky we came into view of the great clay sky deck with a 360 degree view of the jungle, the Amazon river and the heavens. An ancient Lanson was buried in the center, much like how it had been at the ancient temple of Chavin.
I took my shoes off. The leaves and mud sent small ecstatic pulses through the soles of my feet. It was a very sacred place. The medicine was in full bloom, making it difficult to contain the bursting vibrational energy moving through our body. I found a spot on the deck and lay down on my back to ponder this growing sentiment about choice. Four great animal teachers were on their way.
The first was an ant that was crawling toward my shoulder. Instinctively I sat up sharply, pulling me from the trance. Then it occurred to me that I had just allowed this tiny, ubiquitous, and largely benign creature to make me – a 185 lb sentient human, move. I realized how many other inconsequential things that I allow to color my experience--Thoughts, fears, superstitions. If you allow an ant to have power over you, then you are truly no more powerful than the ant! The ants of life will always be able to sway you from the path of most integrity, and highest bliss. I lay back down with a smile and the ant scurried off, completely terrified by the shockwaves of the giant in its midst.
I rose up from the ground, excited by my new great teaching, and continued to ponder choice and free will as I looked at a blooming bobinsana tree on the edge of the deck. Out of nowhere an iridescent emerald hummingbird buzzed up to the most perfect blooming flower, and dipped it’s beak in to get some nectar. This was my second lesson about choice. We can choose to be like the hummingbird, and drink the nectar of life’s experiences or lament how hard we have to make our little wings flap to get there.
I was on a roll. Smiling I went for another lap around the deck. I caught sight of my brother Dr. Dan, and as per usual he was locked into a powerful and lively connection with Source. If I ever thought he was a master before, the last week left zero doubt. Then it occurred to me that maybe I should relinquish more reigns of leadership, and just follow him. He seemed to have the best connection to the Universe and was impeccable in leading with his heart. This thought made me a bit forlorn, as I was particularly attached to the idea of being captain of the helm. As I chewed on the release of that attachment, I reminded myself of the saying of Chavin, “Para el bien de todos” – For the good of all. If that was truly for the good of all, I decided I would do it. I released my attachment to any proverbial throne of any kind, and with a sigh looked off into the nearby treescape. There two yellow breasted songbirds settled into adjacent branches. One branch was higher than the other by about two feet. Consumed with what I had just thought about, I identified the songbird on the top branch as the leader. Then for no good reason, the songbirds switched branches. Aha… Epipheny. The songbirds didn’t care who the leader was, and nor should we humans. There was a reason that the Chavin had no hierarchical power structure. The best idea, for the good of humanity, naturally leads. The rest is just ego.
I was flying now. While the crescendo of recent teachings gelatinized Don Howard asked me to kneel to receive the mapacho on my crown. My fourth animal teacher was on the way. Only this time it would arrive from within. Crouched down overlooking the jungle, a transformation begun. My muscles twitched with electricity. My toes curled into the clay. My vision and hearing grew sharp. A low growl rumbled in my gullet. I could feel a visceral surge of invincibility emanating from my chest. The mosquitos didn’t matter, I was afraid of nothing. I closed my eyes tightly and took a breath, filling my body with every spectrum of light. For a few moments, I was a jaguar.
This led to my greatest revelation. The reason the jaguar was honored by the Chavin as the most spiritual being in the hierarchy is because the jaguar is fearless. And only when you are fearless can you make the consistently impeccable choice to follow a path with heart. It was not until I had momentarily shed my fears that I had this immaculate freedom. It was the single most empowering feeling of my life.
So there I was, for the first time ever on the bleeding edge of free will. I understood that one of the most detrimental ideas ever to materialize in the human meta field was that of determinism. Whether the culprit is God, genetics, neurology, environment – when you convince a human they have no free will, you rob them of their most sacred gift. You convince them they are nothing more than a leaf at the mercy of a breeze. Once convinced, that is exactly what they are. Without the absolute freedom of choice, one will never achieve the potential of their highest calling. This was the lesson of the rainbow Jaguar.
“As I chewed on the release of that attachment, I reminded myself of the saying of Chavin, “Para el bien de todos””
I tested this newfound fearlessness when confronting the growing swarm of mosquitos that surrounded us. They were thick and aggressive like piranhas on a bloody pig. Instead of going into full panic, in jaguar mode I decided when to swat and when to relax. The mosquitos were not going to rob me of that choice. Right before I decided to head down the hill on my own, Don Howard invited us to get cleaned up and meet him back at the Mesada.
After rinsing off I took a damage report of my blood donation to Pachamama. It looked to be about a dozen new bites. My total was somewhere around 30 now but fortunately the medicine prevented them from itching. I returned to the Maloka and took a seat. It was time to snort the Willka – which is translated into English as ‘The Sacred’.
“I placed the knuckle into my proboscis, lowered my head and snorted like I was James Brown. Quickly into the other nostril, and then I leapt up like I had been struck by lightning. Both nostrils now plugged with burning powder I trembled and shook like the Highlander receiving the essence of a vanquished foe.”
The way Don Howard had described it, within 5 minutes or so you would start your journey ‘home’. You would feel a fire fill your nostrils, you would purge, and then you would cross over to the other side. We would go to our room in lie in total darkness. I steeled my nerves, and whispered the old Native American words, “Today is a good day to die.” That made me smile. Don Howard called me up and showed me the ancient tray and snuff tube. It had been used for exactly this purpose over 3500 years ago in Chavin, and continued in secret traditions until it found its way home, to the last Chavin master. The tube was hollowed down the length of the bone where human marrow once thrived, and for once I was happy for my big Gypsy nose. I placed the knuckle into my proboscis, lowered my head and snorted like I was James Brown. Quickly into the other nostril, and then I leapt up like I had been struck by lightning. Both nostrils now plugged with burning powder I trembled and shook like the Highlander receiving the essence of a vanquished foe. Don Howard smiled and said “You better go to your room now.”
What transpired next I promised myself I would not fully recount. So without violating that oath, I will color a bit within the lines. A web of energy, not unlike what I had seen in other DMT trips spread over me. Only it was thicker, deeper. It permeated me fully. I gradually became aware I could no longer feel my body unless I drew direct attention to it. My head started tingling as it had in my most epic Ayahuasca journey and then a jellyfish of phosphorous light floated through me.
Deep through the other side of the wormhole I started to make contact with entities. I repeated the mantra, “Para el bien de todos.” They were mostly quiet, curiously looking at me like a stranger in a neighborhood dive bar. Since no one wanted to chat, I asked for my Grandmother. She came with a warm smile, and the voice I remember through the ages. I opened my left palm, and she extended her hand and squeezed it. For a few minutes we just held hands and talked. Eventually we said goodbye and I continued my journey. I released myself from all attachments, cutting them away with breath and the Ha’oponopono radical forgiveness. I even released my attachment to remember what was happening. I expunged myself from existence and drifted untethered into the void. Over the next 20 minutes I would slowly reassimilate back into my body. As I started the journey home, a song came to my lips. It was not my song, and I had no choice but to sing it, until a muse with a gown like diamonds scattered on blue velvet held her finger to my lips.
Returning to my flesh was like driving a spaceship for the first time. I wiggled my toes, I checked on my bones, my lungs, my heart, my brain, and my throat. I remember flapping my tongue about madly, quite amused with that quirky appendage! Once mostly re-embodied I walked back to the Mesada. I was the first one to return.
After some time, Don Howard asked if I wanted to sit in his chair. He told me it had a special viewpoint. I noticed that the Lanzon had merged with the Estela Raimondi tapestry that hung behind the Mesada. But something else more profound was happening. Once again, beyond explanation, my heart began to anchor to the Lanzon. This icon magically transformed into the absolute center of the universe, and my heart, the absolute center of my being. They merged as one. At once the very same, yet completely different. I don’t know how else to explain it, and I realize it doesn’t make much sense! Thus is the nature of the ineffable.
I sat back down in my seat, and pulled out a mapacho. As I puffed my first rings as a new human, I felt that sense of invincibility return from on the skydeck. Only now it was much stronger. Supernaturally, the way the paper was burning around the tobacco, a lit ember fell naturally to the ground. Without thinking I casually picked it up and put it in the water. I didn’t expect it to burn, and it didn’t burn. But the ember was red hot. This gave me an idea. I wanted to test my invincibility. I puffed the end of the stick to red hot, and drew a line across my palm. No pain, no burn. I drew another line with the same result. Only the black mark from the burnt carbon remained.
I started to think about what I was doing and then went to make a dot instead of a line. For whatever reason that motion caused me to flinch, and the ember burned like hell! I was learning how some people can walk on hot coals and remain unharmed while others cannot. The power of belief was stronger than I had ever fathomed. I continued the practice on my right hand and executed correctly. I then understood why the Aztec priests would stick a stingray spine through their cock. It was to prove their fearlessness and invincibility. I smiled, knowing that I had absolutely no interest to take the game to that extreme! Eventually the candles burned out and we exchanged hugs with the group.
And so the rite of passage was complete. I stayed up late into the night with my companions, celebrating with food and planning what was to come.
Twenty minutes from departure now and a full night of rest under my belt-- I feel strong. Yesterday on 3 hours of sleep my mind once again regained some traction over my consciousness, but with sleep and the hugs of a few sloths and an anaconda I regained my clarity of purpose. I have lost over 10lbs in the last 2 weeks, but added an immeasurable amount of spirit. My body still tingles from countless mosquito bites, but my excitement to bring home the hard won treasures of this conquest overshadows the discomfort. I am not the man that showed up on this doorstep. I will never be that same man. I know that the mind and Resistance is plotting its revenge… But down here powerful allies will always be waiting. I am ready for whatever comes next. It’s renaissance time, and Chavin is rising once again.
]]>People are shouting from every corner that it’s not your fault. That you were born this way. Parents, genetics, privilege. It’s not your fault. Stay right where you are, because you couldn’t change if you tried. And maybe you’ll be tempted to believe them. Because it’s hard. And no one else will ever know how hard it is but you. So you take a prescription to numb the pain of denying who you really are -- and you run out the clock.
Or... one day you just wake up and say it is my fault. It’s all my fault. I am responsible for who I am. I am powerful. I am the hero of my story. I can write my destiny with spartan red, and come home with my shield or on it.
To make that leap you only need one skill. Forgiveness. Because the thing that keeps us from stepping up, and stepping into our power is the idea that we are supposed to be perfect. No one is fucking perfect. And that’s perfect. You’ve screwed up before and you’ll screw up again. It’s why we’re here. You are going to fail, and fall short, and let others down. It will be your fault. So you take responsibility and forgive yourself.
Because it will also be all your fault when you get up. When you bounce back from rock bottom, when you prove the doubters wrong, when you do something that only you knew was possible. That glimmer of a dream, that ember of truth, the vision you didn’t dare look at for long out of fear that once you saw it you might want it so bad that if you failed to get it you couldn’t breathe.
That thing is possible. You can do it. You already know the way--you just have to do it. Go hero, go.
]]>In an Ayahuasca vision, I saw a dragon made of grey smoke. In mythology, dragons represent beings of immense power, and he opened with a question true to form: “Do you want power?” I said yes. He asked why and I replied, “Because I want to help people.” The dragon countered, “Are you sure?” Flashing before my eyes I saw all the ways that I personally benefitted from the positive influence that I’ve had on people since founding Onnit and entering the public eye. I saw all the ways that my platform was helping people, and I took pride in it. The dragon made his point. I wanted influence both to help people, and because I enjoyed the recognition and resources that came with it.
“...anyone who tells you they are completely selfless and 100% altruistic is full of shit...”
But admitting to that duality opens you up for a lot of criticism. We love to hold people to impossible standards. We want someone to be successful and solely motivated by philanthropy. But let’s dispel that myth: anyone who tells you they are completely selfless and 100% altruistic is full of shit, and probably trying to take advantage of you. That’s just not how we are built. This is why capitalism, with all its inequities, has yielded a consistently better standard of living for more people than socialism. It is congruent with human nature.
Our inherent desire to take pride in ourselves is also, I think, why we are fascinated by boastful anti-hero figures like the UFC’s Conor McGregor and boxing legend Floyd Mayweather. We all have a little bit of Floyd and Conor inside us. We all want to shine a light on our achievements, including the shiny ones.
People run into real problems when they try to deny their true nature. If you believe that you should only be motivated by service to others then you will feel guilty about the selfish feelings you’ll inevitably have. Guilt is a form of pain, and as a way to avoid that pain, you might trick yourself into thinking that you actually don’t have any selfish motivations, and that’s dangerous.
I’ve seen this happen too many times among people on a decidedly spiritual path. By denying a very natural desire for money and power they create a starving monster growing inside them. Without acknowledgement, that monster begins to control their decisions, turning them greedy or dishonest when given the opportunity to seize influence.
“By denying a very natural desire for money and power they create a starving monster growing inside them.”
Failure to acknowledge personal pleasure doesn’t just result in greed for money and power. During a trip to the poorest slums of Africa, I saw a lot of volunteers genuinely trying to help. Justin Wren, author of Fight for the Forgotten is that kind of guy. But I also witnessed some other Westerners reveling in a Messiah complex. They walked into the slums, handed out food or money to throngs of poor Africans, and then fattened their ego off the servile gratitude from those they had patronized. They were all too careful to hide their self-satisfaction behind a veneer of service.
On the other hand, if you’re honest with yourself and acknowledge your desires up front, you can reconcile your intentions and work to create win-win scenarios. Look at the example Tom’s shoes sets. They make profits off of every pair of shoes or glasses sold, and then use some of those profits to put shoes and glasses on kids in need. Tesla motors is financially successful and pushes environmental change. Take away the selfishness necessary to keep the business growing and there wouldn’t be a Tom’s shoes or Tesla motors. It’s hard to summon the energy to do great things under any circumstances. When you remove the personal pleasure that helps drive us it’s virtually impossible.
We are programmed to seek pleasure and avoid pain. If we are unable to step back and observe the ego, we will become the ego. Having an ego and desiring pleasure doesn’t make us bad people, it just makes us people. By recognizing our humanity we have a chance to limit our depravity, and make a more beautiful world for us all.
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"Death. The certain prospect of death could sweeten every life with a precious and fragrant drop of levity- and now you strange apothecary souls have turned it into an ill-tasting drop of poison that makes the whole of life repulsive." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche "Death is our eternal companion. It is always to our left, an arm's length behind us. Death is the only wise adviser that a warrior has. Whenever he feels that everything is going wrong and he's about to be annihilated, he can turn to his death and ask if that is so. His death will tell him that he is wrong, that nothing really matters outside its touch. His death will tell him, I haven't touched you yet." ~ Carlos Castaneda
"Everyone is so afraid of death, but the real sufis just laugh: nothing tyrannizes their hearts. What strikes the oyster shell does not damage the pearl." ~ Mevlana Rumi
"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose." ~ Steve Jobs]]>
“When you go searching for yourself, all you are going to find is someone who is searching for their self.” -Mehcad Brooks
People in self help and new age circles spend a lot of time searching for themselves. But has anyone stopped to think how preposterous this is? How does one search for oneself? Where did we go? And more importantly, what are we looking for?
The ego of course has an answer: You are your identity--Your job, your history, your relationships, your status, your appearance, your reputation. The ego will defend this identity as fiercely as an animal defends it’s own flesh. But at a certain point we realize that our identity is not us. The ego is delusional as usual. Which is why we go searching for the real ‘us’.
However all we are going to do when we go searching for the real us, is swap out the old identity with a new one. We replace the identity of the person looking for social approval, with the person who is trying not to care about social approval. But as long as we are locked in the framework of identity, we are a dog chasing it’s tail.
There is no ‘self’ in a fixed state. We are always changing. Much like the observer effect in quantum physics, as soon as we go looking for the self, the self changes. While the body may be solid state matter, the psyche is quantum. We are multiple possibilities expressed simultaneously. So we are asking a question (Who am I?) that has no answer, since the very act of asking the question changes the answer. Searching for the self is as pointless as the sun going on a hunt for shadows.
Who cares who we are. Only the ego desires to play those identity games. The identity can survive only in the past, and future. Our self is only truly alive in the present moment.
We are life. We are love. We are a force embodied in a human avatar. We are the wind that moves the tall grass. We are a player in a game called polarity and our current level is Earth. So let’s play! Once we surrender to that fact, we can all take a deep breath.
So instead of worrying about who we are, here is something worthy of our efforts: If we are a force, then what effect do we want our force to have? This is our mission in life, and our mission will give us the stability and foundation we were seeking from our search for identity.
]]>Short Answer: Aubrey's real name is Aubrey Michael Marcus.
]]>For a stimulant psychedelic like Iboga, music with a high BPM is crucial to slow the mind down enough for coherent thinking. I remember once I tried to play some slower new-agey music during an Iboga journey and it was a total disaster. With the traditional music my brain was operating like that scene in Sword in the Stone when Merlin was making all the dishes dance in the air and wash themselves… then I played the slow music and everything came crashing to the ground. My thoughts were in fragments, a cacophony of broken plates. Below is some traditional Iboga music. I listened to that track for 16 hours on repeat for my first Iboga journey! For Ayahuasca journeys a very specific style of music has developed. Called icaros, they are songs that according to the shamans, were taught by the plants and spirits themselves. Often an Ayahuasquero will have hundreds of icaros for different purposes, some passed down through their lineage and some from their own education. Below is a recording from my first Shaman, Maestro Orlando Chujandama, taken from ceremony. For meditation it is a lot about personal preference. I generally like a flute and drum combination to get me started as I burn some sage and get the party started. The artist Marina Raye has some consistently good albums. Then I like to transition to something softer and smoother, like the gamma flow track from Cory Allen as I dive deeper into the recesses of my mind. When we were making the soundtrack for the documentary “Ayahuasca” I knew music was going to play a huge part in the film. The film itself is designed to take readers into ceremony with the participants, and music is a universal bridge. Fortunately my brother Porangui was there with us during filming. He grew up as a musician in Brazil with ceremony a part of his life from a very early age. I know of no better human being to provide music for ceremony than he, and I really believe that his magic comes through in the album. He played every single instrument on the recording save one, and the sounds of the jungle were live field recordings from Peru.
The seamless version is a 40 minute experience unto itself. Unlike pop music that wears out your ears in a few months, ceremony music will have a deeper unfolding the more you listen. As you anchor your meditative and expansive states to those sounds, the music itself will form a trigger that makes it easier to slip into your desired state. This album has become a staple in my practice and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Happy traveling!
]]>Others will always try to influence you to fit the opinion they have in their head. Their opinion is not your dream! As Robert Greene says in Mastery, beware of the ‘counter-forces’ which can include parents, teachers, or partners, that may derail you away from your highest calling. Even if they mean you well, as the aphorism states, the road to suffering is paved with good intentions.
Follow your own guidestar at all cost. If you don’t know what your guiding star is, it is simply because your sky is too cloudy. Still the winds of the mind and the stars will become clear.
Bronnie explains that this sentiment came from every single male patient that she cared for. Largely middle class retirees, they complained of the ‘treadmill’ nature of their jobs. The truth that escapes so many of us is that there is no final destination other than death – everything is a journey. Breath goes in, breath goes out, and our happiness is determined by whether we enjoyed or suffered during that process.
Humans like to work. We thrive in it. The problem isn’t the work, it is what we are working for. When we are working in alignment with our mission and our vocation (our purpose and unique expression) work is an enjoyable part of life. When our mission includes our own happiness, as all good missions should, then we will naturally strike the balance between when to sacrifice and when to sip the nectar of life. Or chug it :)
Very early on, the beliefs of the world gets imprinted upon us. We let fears, concerns about opinion, and misplaced Spartan ethos bottle up our truest expression. We feel trapped inside our own minds, denying ourselves permission to release our truth.
What are you afraid of? Let out your heart-song. Whatever that is, let it rip! I’ve had a consistent vision of a scream emerging from my chest that is so pure for one instant the world stops what it’s doing to take notice. What is your scream?
Forget about the opinions of others. If people are offended by anything you do, remember the first sacred agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz – “Don’t take it personally.” That is their emotional story, not yours.
Human beings are social creatures. Our connections bring the dance to our life, and yet we find ourselves with too little time to enjoy these moments. But I think another problem is that at a certain point we stop making really great new friends. In the absence of rituals like school and sports, we don’t take the time to forge deeper connections with people. Whether it is having an all night bender in Vegas, or a 10-day journey in Peru, extreme experiences have the potential to form the deepest bonds. Go for it, leave your important adult self behind and have an adventure with people you love.
The most interesting thing about this sentiment is the implication of choice being the determining factor for happiness. They did not say “I wish I was happier,” leaving happiness as a capricious blessing from Fortune herself. Wisdom in their age led them to say “I wish I had LET myself be happier.” More often than not, happiness IS a choice.
Sometimes that choice is a hard one to make, as we can literally become addicted to our own suffering. Depression, anger, anxiety all release neurochemicals that are highly addicting. But so does joy, lust, and laughter! To choose to be happy, we have to manage our inner addict. Win small battles, like watching an inspirational movie when you are depressed, or going floating when you have anxiety. Take ownership of your emotions, grab the controls of your human avatar, and live a life that leaves no regrets. Cover Art by Alex Grey http://alexgrey.com/
]]>Meditation is hard. As a beginner it feels like you are a Freshman trying to find your way to the upper class keg party with really dubious instructions.
Even for those with a consistent practice, the meditative state can be elusive like an Island from pirate lore which only appears under the light of a full moon.
So why bother? In addition to accessing restorative stress and anxiety reducing brainwaves, meditation forms a basis of stillness to assist with self reflection and decision making.
Like everything in this world however, good things take work and practice makes the master. The first step is finding where you are going, and a guided meditation is one of the best ways to do that. All you have to do is lay back, listen, and follow directions.
This guided meditation borrows from a variety of methods that I have cultivated based on personal experience. From Dr. Joe Dispenza, I utilize the open focus technique, where I ask you to visualize the empty space between your eyes. From there Tom Brown’s sacred silence technique takes over, with a little of Maestro Hamilton’s flavor.
The intended result is to drop you into a deeply meditative state, while keeping you engaged in affirmative visualizations. We close with a trigger breath designed to gradually build a bridge to allow quick return to these elevated states.
It has become a passion of mine to figure out the secret sauce of champions, in order to understand how they are able to distinguish themselves from the rest of their field. What I have found is talent and genetics tell only a small part of the story.
I’ve known champions literally my whole life. My mother was a champion Tennis player, making it as high as 6th in the world after she progressed to the Wimbledon Semifinals. Onnit was founded with the help of a champion, Gold Medalist and multiple world champion, Bode Miller.
As Onnit has progressed, I have gotten to know other champions in virtually every field – we even have a disc golf champion!
I have had the privilege of sitting down with these champions to learn how they are able to excel in their sport. The following are 8 underrated attributes of champions that you can adopt as your own to help you become a champion in your field.
There isn’t a single ingredient that makes a champion rise above the rest. Each of these attributes, combined with the single-minded focus of bettering the self, is the key to achieving total human optimization.
Most of us have a tenuous arms length agreement with our body. We barely understand each other, which leads to a lot of cursing and frustration. It’s a typical bad relationship.
Champions demand results from their body, so they can’t afford that kind of casual affair. I have had the pleasure of training with Bode Miller on many occasions, and I always leave with a sense of wonder not only at his output, but at the diagnostics he is continuously running.
At any given point during his training, Bode can give you a fairly accurate reading of his lactate levels and peak heart rate. Meanwhile, I’m just figuring out whether I should vomit or not.
He regularly does ketotic ‘fasts’, and while he uses strips to test for the presence of ketones in his urine, he doesn’t need to. He is tuned in. This level of precision allows him not only to perform his best, but also to be able to cut himself just the right amount of slack.
Despite his hard-charging reputation, Bode knows the amount of alcohol he can consume before it will affect his performance. He knows when he can afford to eat chicken tenders, and when he needs asparagus and salmon.
We haven’t yet figured out how to untether from this complex piece of machinery we call the body. So we might as well read the user’s manual. Bode developed his acute sense by using all the tools available to him.
From diagnostic technology, to a voracious consumption of text, and most importantly, impartial trial and error. The body can either be our greatest ally or our greatest adversary. To be a champion in your own field you need all the help you can get.
Wakesurfing champion Ashley Kidd resides in Austin and goes out riding with my partner in crime, Whitney Miller. When she wants to practice something, she will not stop doing the same trick over and over until she perfects it. There is no other option.
Not only is this challenging to Ashley, it means that she is not shy about making the boat driver do endless circles to pick her back up out of the water. This process can go on for hours at a time.
Ashley does not get frustrated, this is simply the buy in for her to be the best in the world. Where others cow to their own frustrations and the pressure to be considerate to the driver, Ashley is completely relentless.
This same sentiment was echoed by my friend, Jason Ellis, talk show host and former champion skateboarder. He described the process for one of his most legendary stunts, in which he transferred mid-air from a skateboard to the back of a motorcycle.
The ramp launched them both 60 feet in the air going roughly 40 miles per hour. If Jason wasn’t careful mounting the bike, he would crash the motorcycle on landing.
For the first half dozen jumps, he wasn’t comfortable with getting on the bike, and so he bailed, slamming on the far side ramp with his torso. Every time it got worse. A broken rib, a concussion, a busted ankle. The list of injuries kept growing.
But he kept getting back on that skateboard – until finally he landed the trick. Then he went to the hospital.
It doesn’t matter what you are trying to be successful at, if you aren’t relentless you don’t stand a chance. For the writer, it is sitting down and doing the work. Writing, rewriting, writing, rewriting until finally you have your best work to show.
For the entrepreneur, it is going over the plan, premeditating the risks, studying the market until you are the unequivocal expert in your niche. Whatever the cost, champions are relentless.
The most dominant active athlete in any sport is probably someone you have never heard of. Kane Waselenchuk hasn’t lost a professional racquetball match in 8 years. He is so much better than everyone else, to practice against anyone would likely make him worse.
Instead Kane has a ritual. He takes six brand new racquetballs, puts on his headphones, and goes into the box. He doesn’t leave until all 6 balls are popped. Sometimes this takes 2 hours, sometimes this takes 4 hours.
He just hits corners and kills and serves until he is drenched in sweat and the balls have tapped out. That is a championship ritual.
I wouldn’t call myself a basketball champion, but I had my fair share of success. Part of it was due to a ritual I developed early on. When I picked up a ball to practice on my own, I wouldn’t leave the court unless I hit three 3 pointers in a row.
This could be a major hassle when my stroke was off! By the time I was a senior in high school I had received various state honors, spent three years on varsity, and was one of the top shooting guards in Texas. My long range shot was largely the reason.
What are the rituals that could support your own championship career? Is it to journal every day? Maybe to meditate before bed? Read one new article about your field every day?
Figure out your ritual and don’t waver. Let it become a part of your ethos, a non-negotiable characteristic of your life.
I once casually mentioned to Bode Miller that I had a song stuck in my head. He looked right at me and said, “Get rid of it.” I laughed, but then I realized he wasn’t joking. After a few minutes I had formed a tenuous truce with my mind.
He explained to me that allowing something beyond your conscious control to take place in your own mind is a serious detriment to success. He has no room for extraneous thoughts in the starting gate. He can’t have anything preventing him from “being on it,” as we used to say.
So no matter how catchy a jingle might be, he categorically denied those chords and choruses from spinning in his brain. It was practice for dispatching the more parasitic thoughts that might come into his mind.
I call this trait ‘mental override’. The concept of mental override is pretty simple, it is when your highest self-overrides the protests of the mind for the good of the organism as a whole. It is the manual engaging of controls when the autopilot is inefficient.
When cultivated, this is the single most powerful tool that you can have. It is an assertion that you are in charge of your mind, and your mind is in charge of your motor functions.
Want to stop smoking? Mental override.
Want to go work out but don’t have the enthusiasm? Mental override.
Want to start dancing at the party, but feel shy? Mental override.
Want to finish writing your article? Mental override. Want to change your mood?
Mental override. It is the ultimate weapon at your disposal, and it is really that simple. You just deny yourself any other option, and do it. No buts allowed.
There are a lot of reasons that Duncan Keith is a legend. In fact, his accolades sound like a Christmas song: Three Stanley Cups, Two Norris Trophies, and a Conn Smythe Trophyyyy. But those aren’t the numbers that make him a legend to many of his fans. Those numbers are 7 & 7.
In the 2010 playoffs vs. the San Jose Sharks, Duncan Keith took a puck to the mouth and lost 7 teeth. Seven minutes later he was back out on the ice to take his shift. After the Blackhawks won the game, clinching the series, reporters asked him about the incident.
He famously replied through his bloody and broken face, “It’s just missing teeth. It’s a long way from the heart.”
That is the first guy I want on my team, and the last guy I want to play against. But Keith isn’t the only champion with true grit, it is a characteristic found in every champion I have ever known.
Michelle Waterson is another great example. In her title fight for the Invicta Atomweight Championship, everything went from bad to worse in a hurry. Pinned down to the canvas, unable to protect her face, her opponent rained blows down from full mount position.
All she had to do was stop moving and the referee would save her from the onslaught. With each blow the face that gave her the nickname “Karate Hottie” became more swollen and distorted. But she didn’t stop.
Instead she gave up her arm which her opponent bent backwards like a longbow. Sinews stretched to the point of snapping, she still refused to tap. She wiggled until she found a millimeter of chance to break the hold. The bell rung and she went back to her corner.
A few deep breaths and a new round started. She wasted no time, and locked out an armbar of her own. When asked how she made it through the proverbial jaws of death she replied, “Fear does not crown champions.”
Life will test you. It will test your courage, your resolve, your will, and your strength. It will hit you where it hurts most. To be a champion, you have to be tough. And it starts with the little things. Push yourself a little longer in the sauna. Take a cold shower.
Do an extra round on your Tabata set. You never know when you will need to draw on that toughness.
There is a famous clip online of the greatest Welterweight champion of all time, Georges St. Pierre in the gym with commentator, Joe Rogan. In the video, Joe is showing Georges his turning side kick. The champion is watching, enraptured. He is learning every cue.
Despite being one of the greatest fighters in the world, he is humbly and gratefully learning from a man he has only known as commentator. This is the sign of a champion.
As it turns out, Joe has one of the best-turning side kicks in the world, so the champ was able to add another weapon to his arsenal.
When I met both Stanley Cup champion Jonathan Toews, and Super Bowl Champion AJ Hawk, I noticed something very similar about them. They were incredibly eager to learn. Whatever I wanted to talk about, they were happy to listen.
I wasn’t ever an athlete of their caliber and I don’t come with any official credentials. But here we were discussing all manner of performance and training tips. They understood that to be a master, they had to be good students first.
Everyone has something to teach you if you are willing to listen. All around you every single day lessons fall on deaf ears. The more you listen, the quicker you see through everyone else’s eyes, the more knowledge you will gain.
The more knowledge you have, the better a champion you will be.
Smiling has the biological purpose of letting people know that everything is all good. Imagine seeing someone in the midst of a hundred snakes. It would be terrifying to watch, unless you saw them flash a big smile.
Once you see the smile, you know that everything is under control. Either the snakes aren’t that deadly or this person is so experienced in handling them, there is nothing to worry about. In any kind of endeavor where the stakes are high there are snakes.
Snakes of fear, snakes of doubt, snakes of looming pain of all sorts. When the champion smiles it is an assertion that those snakes are nothing to worry about.
This is why a smile is stronger than the lion’s roar. The lion typically roars to quell a potential threat. To smile is to say “there is no threat”. It is an act of supreme superiority over the situation.
The last thing you want to see in a gun duel at high noon is a smile before the gunslinger draws down on you.
Think about Michael Jordan on the court. It is hard to imagine that icon without seeing that little smirk on his face. The court was his domain, his playground. When he was out there, he let you know he was king. Not with his roar, but with his smile.
It is the same with MMA champions. After a good exchange, you’ll find Welterweight Champ Robbie Lawler smiling. When Conor McGregor enters the cage you see a crazy, wide-eyed Clockwork Orange smile.
When TJ Dillashaw was toppling Renan Barao, fighting at 100% of his potential, you could see a little smirk on his face. While TJ Dillashaw was fighting in the fight that would lose him his belt to Dominic Cruz, what was missing? That smirk.
While it may seem that the smile is the consequence of the action, I would argue that the smile is primary. When TJ is smiling, he is loose, he is fluid, he is accurate. Dominic made TJ angry enough that every one of his strikes were an attempt at decapitation.
His blows were heavy and his mind was stubborn – this was the reason why TJ was not at his best that night.
Are there exceptions? Of course. The great heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko wasn’t much of a smiler. But that was his culture. That cold deadpan look of death was actually the most levity his countenance could muster!
Regardless of the smile, he fought as loose and fluid as anyone.
And why wouldn’t a champion smile? It is an opportunity to do exactly what they have been training their whole life to do. It is a chance to apply one’s force to the maximum effect. If that isn’t fun, I don’t know what is.
I have never seen anyone use belief with such devastating effect as featherweight champion, Conor McGregor. It is so powerful, he shapes the destiny of his fights to match his belief. His accuracy in calling both the round and the method even earned him the nickname “Mystic Mac”.
But nothing was ever more impressive than when he fought Chad Mendes. Chad took him down repeatedly and held him on his back. He landed elbow after elbow to Conor’s head, splitting him open like a melon.
But there was Conor, talking the whole time. Not for one millisecond did he believe that he was going to lose. When a scramble took them to his feet, the talking continued.
As his predicted second round knockout seemed almost out of reach, he landed the left hand that rocked the world. Or at least, The Emerald Isle.
TJ Dillashaw was a +700 underdog against the seemingly indomitable champion, Renan Barao. But TJ had a secret. He believed he was going to win. He saw himself holding the belt, and he knew he was destined to be champion.
So he didn’t fight like an underdog. He fought like a maniacal surgeon. He danced and stung Barao for 4 rounds until finally, in the fifth, he ended the champ’s night with a headkick. “Belief is a powerful thing,” he said, with belt firmly in hand.
Every champion must not only believe they are going to be a champion, they must also believe they deserve to be a champion. But you can’t fake belief. You have to earn it with hard work.
Both TJ and Conor spend countless hours in the gym mastering their trade. For TJ, it is extra one-on-one sessions with his master coach, Duane Bang. Conor flies in movement specialists like Ido Portal. All of these things give the champion the belief. And from there, it is all on the mind.
There isn’t a single ingredient that makes a champion rise above the rest. Each of these attributes, combined with the single-minded focus of bettering the self, is the key to achieving total human optimization.
Whatever your endeavor, remember three things and you’ll be well on your way to becoming a champion yourself: You deserve it, you have earned it, and it is going to be yours.
]]>The words ‘cleanse’ and ‘detox’ have become bad words in many circles. As soon as you mention them, people will jump at the chance to try to wash the ‘woo woo’ out of your mouth like a Baptist mother holding a bar of soap. The genesis of this impetus comes as a reaction to naturopaths who have oversold the benefits, claiming miraculous cures for every disease.
At its core, a cleanse is less about removing toxins and more about stacking multiple proven beneficial practices all at the same time. These practices are just a good idea to do on their own, but in the space of a cleanse, you can often see radical changes. Below are five practices and the potential benefits of cleansing for people on a typical western diet.
1) Reduction of Sugar Intake
The Standard American Diet (SAD) is just depressing as the acronym implies. It’s full of processed food, sugar, all too many carbs and is generally nutritionally deficient. Sugar presents one of the biggest issues. The average American eats approximately 22 teaspoons of sugar each day – which is one of the worst things you can do to your body and why most cleanses will have you remove sugar almost entirely from your diet.
A recent study conducted at the University of California San Francisco divided 43 obese kids into two different groups. The control (placebo) group was told to leave their high sugar diet unchanged, whereas the test group substituted the simple carbohydrates like sugar and fructose at an equal ratio to other carbohydrates coming from fruit and grains.
The group of kids who refrained from ingesting sugar improved virtually every metabolic marker across the board in only 9 days. Diastolic blood pressure decreased by 5mm, triglycerides by 33 points, LDL-cholesterol (known as the “bad” cholesterol) by 10 points, and liver function tests improved. Fasting blood glucose went down by five points, and insulin levels were cut by one-third.
In addition to the metabolic benefits, reduction of acute hyperglycemia (sugar spikes from ingestion of high sugar foods) has demonstrated clinical benefit to the immune system. In a meta analysis of studies on PubMed from 1966-2004 the researchers concluded that “Acute, short-term hyperglycemia affects all major components of innate immunity and impairs the ability of the host to combat infection.” In other words, if you want to optimize your immune function, Krispy Kreme is not the way to go.
Any good cleanse primes your body with a ton of fruits and vegetables, providing the short-term benefits of all the nutrients, and ideally training you to incorporate more greens into your daily life.
2) Short-Term Calorie Reduction
At the forefront of every cleanse is calorie restriction. Fasting has been part of the human experiment since time immemorial. Some of the greats say it provided clarity, others did to defend their beliefs, but the science all points to how beneficial it can be.
The Harvard School of Public Health set out to test the benefits of 5 days of calorie reduction in a clinical study. They took 19 participants and asked them to reduce their caloric intake to roughly 1200 calories for 5 days, before returning to normal eating habits.
Another 19 participants in the control group continued eating normally during this stretch. After three cycles the test group improved physical condition, reduced blood glucose, trimmed abdominal fat, cut levels of a protein associated with a higher risk of cardiovascular disease and elevated levels of certain stem cells.
Commenting on the study, molecular biologist Christopher Hine of the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston commented, “This single dietary change can counteract all these variables of aging, and I think that’s very impressive.”
3) Reduction of Food Related Inflammation
A typical western diet includes all manner of foods that are known to cause inflammation. Grains, trans fats, sugar all of these pro-inflammatory foods are off the menu during a cleanse, instead being replaced by anti-inflammatory foods like greens, apple cider vinegar, and fruit.
The benefit of reduction of the cells called pro-inflammatory cytokines can be felt across the board, including sleep, sex drive, and energy.
4) Eating More Vegetables and Fruits
This is something we all know, but here are the stats: Nearly 23 percent of Americans report consuming vegetables and fruits less than one time daily, with a median vegetable intake of just 1.6 times per day overall.
One recent study showed that those who ate five to seven servings of vegetables and fruits per day had a 36 percent lower risk of dying from any cause. Three to five servings was associated with a 29 percent lower risk. One to three servings was associated with a 14 percent lower risk.
Any good cleanse primes your body with a ton of fruits and vegetables, providing the short-term benefits of all the nutrients, and ideally training you to incorporate more greens into your daily life.
5) Targeted Strategies During Cleansing Promote Potentially Beneficial Practices
The better cleanses will include the addition of targeted foods or supplements, designed to further encourage the benefits you’re reaping from the clenase. Some of these common strategies are listed below. Though, these suggestions can be used outside of the cleanse as well to help keep you healthy.
Ingesting probiotics has demonstrated an overwhelming ability to improve multiple markers of human health. Some of these include brain function, immune function, and reduction of inflammation.
One study showed 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar before bedtime can reduce fasting blood sugars by 4%. Another study in obese individuals showed that daily vinegar consumption led to reduced belly fat, waist circumference, and lower blood triglycerides.
Whether from the Himalayan salt, which is known to contain over 60 trace minerals and elements, powdered greens, or other fruits and veggies, ingestion of minerals has an indisputable health advantage. One study conducted on a trace mineral compound called Shilajit demonstrated a 20% increase in testosterone vs. placebo.
Lemons are a natural source of vitamin C and have compounds that assist in digestion.
Activated charcoal has the ability to bind to toxins based on its unusual surface area. Five grams of activated charcoal has the surface area of a football field. This is one of the reasons that activated charcoal is used in conventional emergency medicine for certain types of poisoning.
Candida albicans, found in the gut, can hold mercury in its cellular wall, and release two main types of toxins upon expiration including gliotoxin and acetaldehyde. While more specific research is needed on the benefit of activated charcoal or other binding agents on these toxins, should you be reducing your candida count by limiting the amount of sugar, or herbal anti-fungals like Grapeseed Extract, activated charcoal is a good common sense measure.
Is cleansing for everyone? Probably not. Is cleansing a panacea? Absolutely not. Is there any actual ‘detoxification’ going on? Most likely. Even if detoxification in the body remains constant, simply by limiting the amount of toxins you are putting in, you are naturally lowering the level of toxic carry in your body.
If you are able to successfully eliminate some candida during the cleanse, then the detoxification can increase exponentially. The conclusion is that most of us consuming a western diet with plenty of sugar, calories, and pro-inflammatory foods can reap benefits from a good cleansing protocol.
]]>Its all going to be alright. One day we'll be back home in the infinite and look back at this game we played in the hologram, shaking our head with a smile. "Damn that was gnarly, but was it ever beautiful."
So let's play the game, but play it like we were on the sandlot. With smiles and shrieks and passion, but realize at the end of the day it is play. The Toltecs called this our controlled folly. To play the game as if it was real, while knowing all along it was just a game.
For all it's challenges, I'd come play this game again. There is none better. So when my cosmic friends come knocking on my eternal door, with balls, bats and gloves, you can count me in. I'm stoked to be playing alongside all of you. So let's give this thing a good run and go for our win. If we do that, no matter what happens we can pat each other on the back and say 'hell of a game'.
]]>Brainwave 101: Brainwaves are a measurement of the frequency that large groups of neurons are firing in your brain in order to communicate. They form pulses measured by a device such as an EEG in Hz. Here are the common brainwave states below:
How Binaural Beats Work: Just as neurons firing are measured with frequency, so too is sound. The technique to create binaural beats is to put one sound in stereo left at one frequency, and then the same sound at stereo right at another frequency. This means that there is an almost imperceptible difference in sound coming into your left and right ear. Hence the term bi (meaning two) and aural (of the ear). This technique creates an auditory phenomenon called beating. The size of the gap in frequency between the left and right ear will be the frequency of the beating. This is the target frequency for your brainwave entrainment.
Often times white noise (rain) is used in conjunction with these tones to help relax the mind and put it in a more malleable state. The result is that you can target a variety of different brainwave states that can yield varied benefits.
Clinical Research:
One uncontrolled pilot study showed that after 60 days of delta wave (deeply relaxing) binaural beats there was a decrease in trait anxiety (p = 0.004), an increase in quality of life (p = 0.03), and a decrease in insulin-like growth factor-1 (p = 0.01) and dopamine (p = 0.02) observed between pre- and post intervention measurements. (source: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17309374)
Another study, this time with a control group, showed significant reduction in anxiety for pre-operative patients listening to binaural beats prior to surgery. (source: http://www.binbeat.com/images/binauralsandanxiety.pdf)
Personal Experience:
To say I was a little bit skeptical is to say that the the Pope is a little bit Catholic. I was given a very overpriced binaural beats CD (who uses CD’s anymore?!) and told to give it a listen if I wanted to relax. It sat in a drawer for months. But after finally being prompted to do a little research I found enough solid evidence to outweigh the standard debunking typically found on the web. So I burned the CD into my iTunes by using an old Mac tower at my house and I gave it a listen with my headphones in bed with my girl. To this day, I insist that I was wide awake and could hear everything. But Whitney insists that I was snoring like a lumberjack. Either way, after 30 minutes I felt like I had just gotten out of a float tank. I was rested, revived, and deeply impressed.
I duplicated this experience almost without fail. When the beats did fail, it was because of some type of brute force condition that was too strong to overcome. For example, I was really hungover (possibly still drunk) and that didn’t work. And another time, I was totally wired on caffeine. But barring that it was fool proof.
So I sent the track to my good friend and sound wizard Cory Allen to see what he thought. He was familiar with binaural beats, and not particularly impressed with my sample. I asked him if he could make some that were even better, and he didn’t hesitate to say yes.
When I received one of Cory’s tracks, designed to improve upon the effect of the track I had sent him, it literally felt like everything was normal and then my brain dove 1000 feet under the earth. I was so deeply relaxed I was even beyond the realm of sleep. I knew we had something pretty cool. There were 5 more brilliantly composed original tracks, each of which I have personally found to be effective in creating brainwave entrainment. And as a bonus, they are composed with a musician’s touch.
If you would like to hear samples or download these beats, check out the Binaural Beats page.
Podcast: Astral Snakes + Binaural Beats with Cory Allen
]]>Once you hit the water, take a moment to get your bearings but don't resist in letting the weight belt carry you down. You'll find your buoyancy at the desired depth. Don't stress if you are a little deeper or shallower than anticipated, you can handle it.
Then the exploration starts, and no matter what you had intended to see, just enjoy the feast of information available to you. Take note of the chrysanthemum of coral formations and the many colorful fish, but don't worry about chasing them all over the reef. You'll remember them. And if there is a shark, don't worry.
The worst thing you can do is try to get to the surface in a panic. You'll get the bends, and it will take a long time in a recompression chamber to recover from your hasty ascent. Witness the shark, and accept that it is part of your world. Face your fear head on, with open eyes and a calm heart. Soon enough, the shark will swim off.
When you return to the surface, understand that those people who were not in the water with you may enjoy the story, but will probably not really grasp what you experienced. That's okay too. This dive was for you.
]]>Or we lift the stress. We breathe, we float, we go to nature, or ceremony.
Often times when I eat some marijuana I feel a sense of anxiety. The instinct is to blame the marijuana for creating the anxiety, but lately i'm more inclined to believe that the marijuana is just revealing the anxiety that already exists within me. Which then allows me to work on releasing it. Self myofascial work is my go-to for dropping into parasympathetic mode.
I'm fucked up like everyone. I'm stressed out. When facing the unknown I still find myself choosing fear over faith. I get sad. I get really confused!
This is the human condition. The goal is not to transcend, the goal is the transcending. It is resistance training for the spirit. The satisfaction comes in the chasing of the dream, not in the realization of it. So thank you, you bad motherfucker called existence. I am going to choose to enjoy all of it. And thank you to all of you for being a part of this grand experience.
]]>There once was a man who lived in the wilderness next to a powerful wizard. The word in the glen was that the wizard had the ability to conjure a demon that could accomplish any task. One day the man decides that he is going to trap this magical brokowski, and make him give up his demon.
After tracking him for a few days, he finds the wizard sitting on the mossy bank of a river. His eyes are closed though he does not appear to be asleep. The man makes a large rodeo knot in a rope, and like a cowboy throws it around the wizard's torso and cinches it tight. The wizard is surprisingly unstartled, "You want the demon." "Yes." Replied the man.
"I will grant your wish. The demon will do any task you ask of it. But I must warn you, you have to keep the demon busy, or it will seek to undo you."
The man gladly acknowledged what the wizard said, thinking only of the many tasks he could accomplish. The wizard told him the demon would be waiting for him back in his cabin.
True to the wizard's word, a small and humble demon in the form of a dutiful servant was waiting for him. Tired from his journey, the man asked if the demon could draw some water from the spring. In moments the demon returned with water, saying "It is done." The demon was calm as the man drunk his water. But immediately upon finishing the cup, the demon grew impatient. Remembering what the wizard had told him, the man gave the demon a much harder task. "Make me a feast of wild game, the likes of which even the great hunter Joe Rogan has never seen."
The demon disappeared out of the door and returned with a cornucopia of meat. "It is done." As the man sat down to eat the demon was quiet again. But as soon as the man had his fill, the demon's complexion grew dark. Knowing that he had to keep the demon occupied the man gave the demon a really challenging task. "Make me a new home, high up on the hill, with gardens and a wine cellar so that I can eat and drink with all the homies."
The demon hurried out of the door, and the man lay down in bed. Just as he was starting to close his eyes, the demon burst back through the door. "It is done." The man began to panic. Any task he gave the demon would be accomplished too quickly. As the man stood frozen in fear the demon grew larger and more menacing. The demon started ridiculing the man, telling the man that he was unworthy of his powers. The demon whispered to the man that the only way to stop the torment was to end his life. With the hysterical strength of pure desperation the man sprinted back to where he last saw the wizard. To his surprise the wizard was still there.
The man fell to his knees and begged the wizard. "How do you control your demon? I fear my demon is going to kill me because any task I give him he accomplishes. I can never keep him busy enough to enjoy what he has done."
The wizard looked at the man, and with compassion in his eyes answered him. "Pull a hair from your head." The man did as was told. "Tell the demon to straighten this hair using only his hands."
The man left the wizard to find the demon waiting for him blocking the path. "What will you have me do!" The man plucked another hair from his head, and told him as the wizard had suggested. The demon laughed as he took the hair in his hands. He straightened it out, but as soon as he let go the hair curled again. Again he tried to straighten the hair. Each time the demon tried to straighten the hair he grew smaller in size--Until finally the demon was once again a sheepish servant.
The demon in this story our mind. The hair is any tool that tames the mind so that we can be at peace. One of the most literal examples of this would be transcendental meditation, or T.M. In this form of meditation you repeat simple repetitive chants, thus occupying the brain with triviality so that the higher consciousness can be accessed. But any form of meditation, contemplation of nature, floatation tanks, psychedelic medicine...All of them are hairs in one way or another. We master the demon or the demon masters us.
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